Masochistic
by SickJester
Summary: Shinji finds a lot out about himself, including a masochistic addiction. Strange story, rated R. FINISHED! Yes, that's right, it's done.
1. Falling Angel

Masochistic 

Disclaimer: Spoilers! Yes…the spoilers…hey…this is like my second fic…we'll see what happens with it…This story contains sexuality, mild to strong language, violence, graphically intense scenes of masochism, and the use of alcohol and tobacco…I shall rate this on a chapter basis…each chapter contains different questionable content…so there'll be a disclaimer each chapter…I am basing this around BOTH the manga and the TV show…so some things are out of chronological order…I copy some dialogue right out of the manga…so…don't sue me…

Oh…by the way…I don't own Evangelion, for Gainax does, and if I did own Evangelion, I wouldn't let you have it!!!!!! MWAHAHAHA! Lol…I also don't own any of the characters within…so don't sue me for that either…I am broke…

*If you don't know what masochism is…its when someone derives pleasure from pain…*

KEY:

_Italicized words: _Character thoughts

*Asterisks*: Actions

Story Title: Masochistic

Chapter One: Falling Angel

Shinji stood in front of the apartment 402. He couldn't help but remember that day…an image flashed into his mind of himself falling onto a naked blue haired girl. He quickly shook the image off.

He reached out to press the dirty doorbell. "Still broken…" he said quietly. *Bang Bang* he knocked on the gloomy looking door. "Ayanami? Are you home?" he asked. There was a bit of shuffling inside and he stepped back as the door opened to reveal a very pale girl. She had crimson red eyes, blue hair, and was wearing nothing but a button down shirt that revealed most of her slender legs.

"What is it?" she yawned, obviously tired. Shinji blushed as he looked over Rei and what she was wearing, or the lack of what she was wearing. "I'm sorry. Were you sleeping?" he asked in a somewhat flustered voice. "…The restart test took all evening…" she finally replied with an empty voice, which matched her empty expression. "So unit 00 is fixed then! I'm glad for you!" Shinji smiled and pulled out some pieces of paper. "Here. These are all the handouts from class." He handed her the papers and turned to leave. "Get some rest. Sorry I woke you up," Shinji turned and began to walk away. 

Rei studied the brow haired boy for a moment before stopping him, "Why don't you…come in for a while?…" she didn't blush or change her monotonous manner of speaking. Shinji turned back around with a slight redness forming at his cheeks. He thought for a moment, only a moment, before replying, "Okay…" the boy walked slowly toward her and stepped into her messy apartment. _I forgot how dirty this place is, _he mused. 

Rei walked to her tiny kitchen and boiled some water in a teapot. _Maybe I should have brought flowers…_ he thought awkwardly. He knew he did like Rei…His eyes examined the albino girl. She was standing in the kitchen of her small apartment and she appeared to be staring at something. _Weird…_

"How many tea leaves do you use to make tea?" Rei's voice asked. Her chill, emotionless tone always sent shivers down Shinji's spine. Shinji got off the chair and walked over to Rei's standing place. "I have tea here, but I've never made tea…" she said, pondering the box in her hand. "It's okay; you don't have to-" Shinji never got to finish his sentence. Rei took a large mound of leaves onto her spoon and looked at it questioningly. "This many?" she was totally serious. "I think that's too much…" Shinji said with a sweat drop forming on his hair. 

"Ah!" Rei gasped as her hand touched the hot teakettle on the stove. "Are you okay?!" Shinji asked in a concerned voice. The girl stared at her finger with annoyance. "I just…got burnt a little…" she said without any trace of pain. "JUST!?" Shinji asked in disbelief. He grabbed her slender arm and gently pulled it under her faucet, running cold water on the burn. The brown haired boy never noticed that he didn't let go. He stood there gently rinsing her hand for her, with his arm on hers.

At first, Rei just stared at the water, tiredly, but then, Shinji noticed the tiniest trace of a blush forming on her cheeks. "Oh…" the boy said, as a VERY large blush formed on his cheek. He let go and grabbed the tea. "I'll…I'll make the tea…you just stay put…" he said, turning his face so she could not see his extremely red cheeks. "Okay…" she said as the redness in her own cheeks intensified. 

The brown haired pilot set two cups down onto a tabletop. He recalled the night before, smiling. "Last night…we had this party…Soryu had moved in with Misato and me…we called you to invite you over, but you didn't answer the phone…" he blushed as he finished the sentence. It had not been 'we' who invited Rei, it had been Shinji alone. No one else really wanted Rei there, but Shinji called non-the less. "It's okay…" Rei said quietly, still soaking her hand in the cold water. "I don't like that kind of thing very much…" she sighed. "Oh…yea…but I had fun…it was a real first for me…just making all this noise and everyone was happy… I used to think that kind of thing was just stupid… You should come too, if we do it again…then…" Shinji hesitated to finish the sentence. The end would have been something like this, 'I could get to know you more', but Rei saved him this little embarrassment by interrupting, "Ikari, you're talking a lot today…" She shut the faucet off and turned to face the brown haired boy who was just a little taller than her. Her stone-faced expression almost gave Shinji a chill. "Oh…sorry…"

Shinji finished making the tea and poured the liquid into both the cups that had been set out earlier. "Ayanami…you…you talk with my father all the time… What do you talk about?" the male pilot asked, somewhat tensely. His father…had…always been…a 'touchy' subject. The air seemed to condense as Shinji saw Rei was also tensing. She had even slapped Shinji once for insulting the Commander. "Why…?" she asked after a long silence. Shinji's blue eyes spotted her neck muscles tighten. He shivered mentally from her icy tone. "If dad was at that party…maybe I could've talked to him…a little… He wouldn't have come even if I invited him, though…" Shinji could see her neck muscles relax. "You…want to talk with your father?" she asked, in a soothing voice. Shinji stared into her crimson eyes. "…Yeah…" He gently put the teapot down. "It's not like anything would change if we talked…but it's hard…the way things are… I keep hating him…so why do I keep piloting Eva for him?" he finished, expecting a slap, but only receiving a somewhat caring look. "You…should tell him," the blue haired girl said in response. "Huh?" Shinji asked, totally confused. "You should tell your father…what you're really thinking…" she finished, life springing into her eyes like a rainbow after a summer rain. There were only two people Shinji knew to receive a similar look: Himself and his father. It wasn't a pleasant look, nor was it unpleasant, it was just…Rei…

Shinji stared into Rei's eyes, feeling he could get lost inside them. She began to rub her hand subconsciously. "Otherwise…nothing will change for you," she continued, referring to her earlier advice. The boy's ice-blue eyes continued to swim inside Rei's sunset colored ones and he couldn't help but notice how very pretty the albino girl was. Rei stared at the tea. 

"What a pretty color…you're good at making tea." _Why does he stare? _she thought. Her pale, slender hand reached out and grabbed a cup. "Can I drink it?" she asked quietly. "Oh…yea," Shinji said, snapping out of his daze and grabbing his own cup. The cup pressed to Rei's chalk white lips and the hot liquid rushed into her mouth, past her taste buds, and down her throat. "It's a little bitter…" Shinji said as he took a drink. "Yes…but it's warm," she replied looking him straight in the face. She almost smiled, just a slight upturn of the lips, but Shinji still couldn't really qualify it as a smile. Shinji smiled though, his warm smile reaching Rei's crimson eyes and warming her insides. The second, full-fledged smile Shinji had ever seen crossed Rei's lips. It was a very beautiful smile, her eyes complimented it greatly as the empty, cold look in them faded and was replaced by a warm, soft glow of life. As they stood staring into each other's faces, red rushed to their cheeks. 

Shinji put his cup down and took a step toward the girl in front of him. She looked into his azure colored eyes and set her cup down also. Shinji held his breathe and stepped even closer, close enough to be qualified as intruding on one's personal space. "What…are you doing Ikari?" Rei asked in a quiet voice. Shinji snapped back to reality and looked over the situation. He was so close to Rei, he could feel her breathe on his neck. His body was almost touching hers, their clothes brushing against each other. "H-huh?" Shinji asked stepping back at once, nervousness and embarrassment coursing through him. He almost stumbled over the chair in the middle of the room. "I-I-I'm sorry…g-g-goodnight," he managed to stutter as his trembling hands gripped his backpack and slung it around his shoulder. Rei watched with a mixture of embarrassment, anxiousness, and something she couldn't quite put her finger on. Shinji stumbled out the door, almost forgetting to open it, and ran off down the street toward Misato's apartment. The bewildered, blue haired albino standing in the kitchen stared at the door for a long time. _What just happened? What…what was that I…felt?_ Rei sighed and went into the bathroom to take a shower and organize her thoughts. 

Shinji opened the door to Misato's apartment, feeling the embarrassment starting to disappear. "That took you a long time! All you had to do was drop those handouts off with Wondergirl! Baka!" came Asuka's voice. Shinji froze. Misato was eating at the table with the redheaded nightmare. The Major turned to her charge and analyzed him. "You're sweating Shinji…you little devil!" she teased. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I…it's not what you think…I swear!" he gulped nervously. "The hell it isn't! You idiot! What where you doing? It sure took you a hell of a lot of time!" Asuka's harsh voice intruded Shinji's mind and rattled his brain. "I-I'm sorry…" he whispered. "DAMMIT! STOP SAYING YOU'RE SORRY!" Asuka yelled at the timid pilot. "I-I'm sorry…" he repeated. "Dammit! You're hopeless!" she yelled. 

Shinji hurried to his room when Asuka was done insulting him. "Oh man," he sighed, sitting on his rolling chair and pulling out his homework. _'You should talk to him'_ Rei's words came back to his thought process. Shinji's shaking hands reached into his bag and pulled out a cell phone. *Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep* the sound of the buttons broke the silence in his room. He pressed the phone to his ear and shook violently as the dial tone came to his ear.

"Commander Ikari"

"Do you know what tomorrow is?"

"Shinji? Don't call me here unless there is an emergency,"

*Click*

            _How could you forget? Tomorrow was the day mother died…_

Thoughts of Rei crossed Shinji's tired mind. She was definitely attractive, as was Asuka, but…there was just something about the mysterious albino girl. Shinji blinked away all thought as sleep slowly caressed his eyes and caused them to droop. 

In his dreams, Shinji felt all the anger and hatred he felt towards NERV and his father be released. He screamed in agony as an intense pain seared through his veins. He blamed himself for all that had happened to Toko-3. He blamed himself for everything that others did. That was the reason he felt he had to apologize so often. He felt that this pain he felt somehow helped deal with his thoughts. He felt sick.

Shinji gasped, waking up in a convulsion of muscle spasms. His hand was bloody and stuck with little pieces of glass. In his sleep, he had broken a glass bottle used to hold pencils and pens. Shinji winced as he moved his hand and stood. He slowly moved to the bathroom and stuck his hand under the porcelain sink and turned on the cold water. The liquid flooded from the faucet and hit his hand, causing yet another searing pain threatening to overtake his senses. His blood fell into the sink, staining the white marble-like bowl. He pulled the pieces of glass out of his cuts and winced in pain. After an hour of cleaning himself, he had stopped bleeding, successfully cleaned all the glass from the maimed hand, and bandaged it. 

"Damn," he said as he pulled the last bit of bandages around his clenched fist. Shinji pulled his school uniform on and grabbed his bag. He sighed as the pain in his hand slowly throbbed. _This…feels…enjoyable? I must be sick…_ He walked out the door to the apartment and headed toward his boring middle school. 

As he entered the halls of the school, he found it deserted. He found his way to his locker and used his good hand to open it and enter his bag into it, withdrawing the contents he would use during class. 

He sighed and walked toward his homeroom class. _Why do I enjoy this…feeling…this…pain? _he asked himself as he entered the dull classroom. 

A girl with blue hair was sitting in the corner, staring out the window. She didn't notice Shinji enter. He hid his mangled hand and slowly walked toward her. "Ayanami?" he said timidly. The girl jumped and turned to face the stranger. "Oh…Ikari…" she turned back to the window. "I-I'm sorry about last night…" the boy said, blushing heavily. "Why?" Rei asked. "I…I…I was out of line in my…t-thinking…and I'm sorry," he said as the blush on his cheeks steadily increased. "What were you thinking?" Rei pushed. 

When Shinji didn't answer, Rei sighed. "…I…was…thinking about…k-k-k," Shinji swallowed and forced himself to finish, "I was thinking about kissing you." The blush on his cheeks increased so badly, it appeared his skin was on fire. _Dammit! Where is my backbone? _he kicked himself mentally.

For a moment, the girl was in deep thought. Shinji turned to go to his seat. "Ikari?" Rei said, finally turning to him. Shinji spun around and met Rei's eyes. "Why?" she continued to push. _Why me? _Shinji thought. "I…that is…I…oh boy…A-Ayanami…you…are…er…very…a-attractive…" _GOD! _he thought. His cheeks burned with embarrassment. "It…was just an instinct…I'm sorry…" Shinji said, a sweat appearing on his brow. 

Rei studied the boy in front of her. She sighed and looked back out the window, that lifeless look once again on her face. 

Shinji stared at her. _Why couldn't I say I liked her?! I'm just a coward! _ he kicked himself mentally yet again. "A-Ayanami?" he said nervously. She once again turned to face the brown haired pilot. He summoned all the energy in his shy body and forced himself to say, "I…l-like…I…Dammit! I like y-you…sorry," he turned to his seat and turned his SDAT on, plugging it into his ears. 

Rei watched the boy and observed what he did when everyone else disappeared in his mind's eye. He was not a happy fourteen year old. Rei could tell as much by his posture and the facial expression he wore while listening to the soothing music exiting the earphones on his SDAT. She thought of what Shinji had said, 'I like you.' _What does that mean? _She remembered reading about the courting process between a male and females. Silently, she rethought everything from the book. 'When a male tells a female he 'likes' her, he means he is attracted to her and interested in a relationship, whether as friends or as more.' She was pretty sure that was what it had said. She stared at Shinji and got frustrated with herself. _Why do I not know this feeling? _

Just when Rei was about to stand and talk to Ikari about it, the class came pouring in. "Oh, hi puppet," Asuka sort of greeted Rei. Rei said nothing, staring, once again, out the window. "Psh…doll…" the flaming redhead walked over to Shinji. "Idiot! Why were there blood stains in the sink?" she asked the cowering boy. Rei's ears perked up, but she pretended not to hear anything. "I-I-I…um…had an accident," he mumbled timidly, showing her his bandaged hand. Asuka's blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "Baka! Next time be more careful stupid!" she struck Shinji on the head and walked off to her seat. 

The class giggled and talked until the Sensei showed up. Shinji thought about Asuka and Rei as the sensei droned on with yet another second-impact lecture. This one was on its impact on Australia and its economy. 

Shinji had been fascinated with the mysterious blue haired girls beauty when they first met. Then, when Asuka showed up, he was obsessed with her for a short period of time, but he felt less for her after she began to get bitchy toward him. He still felt like she was a friend. Asuka always showed her good side whenever Shinji needed someone to talk to, but Rei…was…different. There was always something about her that attracted Shinji.

Shinji's eyes drooped. _How boring. _His eyes slowly moved to Rei as she sleepily stared out of the window. Asuka was typing messages to Hikari and Toji was whispering to Kensuke. Shinji felt that this boredom was too much for him and he dozed off, falling onto his laptop. 

The bell brought Shinji from his nap. He jumped up and looked around quickly. The class was leaving slowly, going to lunch. "Yo Shinji! Whad up buddie?" Toji put his arm around Shinji's shoulders and led him out the door. Kensuke fallowed fumbling with his camera, a disc in his mouth. 

"How'd you like the party?" Shinji asked both of them. Kensuke grunted because of the disc in his mouth. Toji decided to reply loudly, since Asuka was near, "It was awesome, man! It woulda been better if dat bitch wouldn't have been dere do," Toji looked straight at Asuka as he said that. He was rewarded with a large, red handprint across his cheek. Asuka stormed off muttering German curse words and left Toji to wince in pain. Shinji laughed and helped the jock up. 

Unknown to the three stooges, the albino pilot had been watching them. _What strange behavior… _she thought. 

"So, Ikari…What's with your hand?" Kensuke asked, finally putting his disc into his camera. "Uh…I cut myself…" Shinji said, putting his hand away. "On purpose?" Toji asked dumbly. "No! I was asleep, but…I don't know…" he trailed off and looked at the ceiling. "Oh well…What's wit you and Ayanami? You seem ta look at her a lot in class…and she talks to ya more now…you haven't been getting any without telling us, have you?" Toji teased. Kensuke nudged Shinji with an evil smile. "No!" Shinji yelled, blushing a deep shade of maroon. "Do ya want to? Huh? Huh?" Toji nudged Shinji too. "Uh…" Shinji scratched his head, the blush deepening. 

Rei didn't know if she wanted to hear anymore. She started to press forward, but stopped as Shinji's reply came, "I don't know…she is pretty you know…but there's something else about her…" Shinji thought for a moment. 

Rei's cheeks were burning. _Why? Why am I feeling this way? What is this feeling? _"What about Soryu?" Kensuke asked with a cringe. Shinji shivered, "She's pretty too…but she treats me like dirt. She also treats Ayanami like dirt and that pisses me off…" the blue eyed pilot continued to walk. "So, you do have feelings for Ayanami!" Kensuke said. 

Rei frowned. _I do not understand teenage boy behavior…I do not understand any behavior… _she thought sadly. Rei walked forward, right passed Shinji, saying a quick, 'excuse me' and blushing slightly. "Do ya think she heard?" Toji asked, furrowing his brow. "I hope not," Shinji replied as he took his seat at the lunch table. He just got a bowl of ramen noodles, he wasn't very hungry. 

His eyes kept making their way toward Rei, no matter what Shinji's brain told them. She was eating quietly, never looking up once. _Man…emotions are confusing… _"See you guys in gym," he said as he walked away from Toji and Kensuke. 

Shinji sighed, "Co-ed class again…" he complained to Toji. "Wonder what game dey thought of dis time," Toji frowned and stepped onto the blacktop. "Dodge ball!" Asuka said cheerfully, a red ball in her right hand. "Damn…She's gonna kill us all!" Toji yelled. The coach smiled and pulled a whistle to his mouth. "GO!" he screamed, blowing on the whistle. 

Shinji was put on a team with Rei, Toji, and Hikari. Toji picked up a ball and threw it at another boy. Shinji threw a ball occasionally, but he and Rei were mostly being defensive, catching the balls thrown at them. Shinji ducked as Asuka threw a ball at him. It went by and nailed Hikari right in the face. "OW!" she screamed. "Oh Hikari! I'm so sorry!" Asuka said as she was nailed in the face too. The redhead slumped to the sidelines to watch with the class rep, very pissed. Asuka grumbled about losing, but didn't haul off and knock someone out of that century, thankfully. 

There were only a few people left: he, Rei, Toji, and five other boys. The other boys sent a hail of balls at Toji. He jumped out of the way, accidentally slamming into Rei. "Ah!" she gasped as her feet went straight into the air. She plummeted toward the concrete headfirst. "No!" Shinji yelled as he dove for her. He caught her fragile body in his arms and stopped her head from being smeared across the blacktop. Since he had been traveling at a high speed, he flew a couple more feet through the air before skidding to a rather painful stop. The pale girl was at his chest and she was sitting (somewhat awkwardly) in his lap. His arms were around her and she was breathing really hard. 

Shinji was bleeding from his leg, because he had been wearing shorts. He stared down into Rei's eyes as if he was trying to see inside them. She stared back, trying to see inside him. Their moment was spoiled however by the clapping from the rest of the class. The brown haired pilot couldn't help but smile. "Thank you Ikari…" Rei said quietly, a blush forming at her cheeks. _She never changes her expression…it's always so emotionless…_ he thought. "Will you please let go of me, Ikari?" she asked in her usual tone. Shinji let go nervously and stood up. All the girls giggled. Rei stood and walked inside. The bell rang soon after and Shinji walked inside, followed by a bunch of catcalls. 

Shinji pulled his clothes off and stepped into the shower. Blood fell off his cuts and ran into the drain. Pain shot through his veins, but he smiled. He enjoyed this new pain as it spread to every nerve ending in his body. _Why do I enjoy this? Am I sick? _As the pain subsided, he sighed. "What's wrong with me?" Shinji dried off and stepped into his uniform. "Back to work," Shinji said, walking out the door.

Shinji put his books in his locker and walked toward the door. Asuka hurried after him. "Yo idiot! Wait up! Jeez!" she caught up and panted. "What's your hurry?" she asked arrogantly. Shinji looked off to his right. A cemetery labeled, 'Second Impact Cemetery' stood there. Row upon row of gravestones polluted the green grass and the sun dimly lit the dull gray stones. "I have something to take care of," he said, veering into the cemetery. "Whatever," Asuka said, continuing down the road and turning toward Misato's apartment. 

Shinji wandered down the rows of headstones until he reached the grave marked, 'Yui Ikari'. A man with glasses, a beard, and light brown hair stood there. "Dad…" Shinji breathed. The man didn't look up. "Shinji," he said as he bent down and laid flowers down. "You…you came to visit her grave?" Shinji asked in disbelief. "Yes. Her body is not here, but it will do for now," he turned to face Shinji. "For now?" Shinji asked with a bewildered look. Gendo completely ignored his question. "Dad…can we…talk…" Shinji asked sadly. "Learn to stand on your own two feet. I did the same when I was a boy. Don't go thinking we can understand each other. We can't. People will never be able to. People…are such sad creatures," he said firmly. Shinji felt his heart sink. "It is time, I must go," Gendo said as he looked into the sky. An airplane landed just behind the person Shinji used to call 'father', kicking dust up into Shinji's eyes. "But!" Shinji cried, real tears spilling from his eyes. "Don't try and find me again." Gendo stepped onto the plane. Shinji could not see it, but Rei was in the plane, staring sadly at him. 

"How is it going Rei?" Gendo asked, sitting next to the girl. "Fine. I'm going to see Dr. Akagi to tomorrow and to school after that," she looked over at the commander. "That's fine," he said in a faraway voice. _He seems to care about me, but his mind is somewhere else. I'm the one for whom nothing will change…_

"It's over Cocos Island Station…Obstat-6 has target on visual! Now on main screen!" Misato looked at the angel. It was a giant eye with two limbs that had similar eyes on them. "Ugly…" she whispered. "Look at the size of it! It's an offensive use of its A.T. field!" the purple-headed women said.  "The angel uses a piece of itself as a bomb, detaching a portion of its mass. Combined with the kinetic energy gained in its fall from space, the impact force is immense! It's in a 119-minute orbit…pull back…" Maya said to the Major. A screen came on showing some very large craters. "Those are the hits from its first and second pass, both in the ocean." Maya reported, pointing at the screen. "It's clearly begun to correct for error." The angel came back on screen. "It's sighting in!" Misato yelled. The giant angel got blasted by a few N² bombs on the screen. "That's the intercept by our N² bombs. Damage to target still unknown." The angel's screen disappeared. "We've lost visual and tracking ECM form angel!" Misato stared at the screen as the bridge bunnies continued to bumble about. "Well, we can guess where it's going to land," Misato said to Ritsuko. "The next one's on Tokyo-3. Then it'll use its entire mass!" said the blonde doctor, biting her lip. "Can you reach the commander in Antarctica?" Misato asked. Maya looked at the Major, "No. This is on the scale of a 5-5 solar storm; there's a complete blackout of high frequency communications over the Polar Regions…Even the gulf channel is out." "Are the three Evas in position?" Misato asked. "Ready Major!" Maya replied.

"Insane…" Asuka whined from within Unit-02. "This is some plot you came up with Misato! 'Catch the angel when it falls! Your Evas have hands right?'" Asuka mocked. "Did you say something Asuka?" Misato asked in a terse voice. "Nothing…Where's the rendezvous?" Asuka asked in a defeated voice. "Afraid that's hard to say. We don't have an exact location for you, but using the data we collected up to the point the radio jamming began, Magi has calculated an estimated radius for the fall point," Misato replied. A screen came up with a very large radius spanning nearly over the whole of Tokyo-3. 

"The range is this large?!" Asuka's eyes widened. "That's right, so we've placed your Evas to best cover the drop zone. Once you can confirm the exact point, you'll need to run to it as fast as you can and then catch the angel, using your A.T. field at maximum," Misato said without any worry in her voice. "You talk as if that's easy!" Asuka yelled in reply. "Well…if you fail…NERV Headquarters will be gouged right out of the ground," Misato retorted coolly. Silence fell on Unit-02. "Keep that in mind," Misato said to the silence. "Shinji, Rei, did you get that? Get ready, you'll have to do that on a moments notice!" The Major yelled at Unit-00 and 01. "Ready," Rei said in her calm, even voice. "…" Shinji didn't reply. "Shinji!" Misato yelled. "Yeah, I know," the boy said.

"I'm worried…he seemed depressed these past couple of days," Misato said to Ritsuko. "A cheerful, excited Shinji would be all the more disconcerting," Ritsuko replied. "You're just an old bitch," Misato said to the doctor. "The 'old' part was un-called for," Ritsuko replied, grumbling. 

Shinji went back over the conversation with his father in his mind. He didn't even notice when Misato yelled for them to go. 02 and 00 ran toward the angel, but 01 stayed. "SHINJI! SHINJI WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" Misato screamed. 

Shinji snapped out of his train of thought. He willed his Eva to bolt toward the falling angel. "Damn!" Shinji yelled to no one in particular. "Here it comes!" the angel appeared through the clouds. "A.T. FIELD AT MAXIMUM!" Shinji roared as he skidded to a stop just below the angel. It's A.T. field stopping the angel from crushing 01.

Shinji felt like his elbows were bending backwards and his bones were smashing into his elbow. "AH! D-DAMMIT! ASUKA! REI!" Shinji screamed in agony.

"02! Maximum A.T. field!" Rei yelled. "Yeah, Yeah!" Asuka replied as 02's A.T. field spread. 00 and 02 ran beside Shinji and helped push the angel back with their own A.T. fields. "Rei! Do it now!" Shinji yelled at the albino girl. 00 drew a progressive knife and managed to split the angels A.T. field, leaving its core wide open. "You…popeyed FREAK!" Asuka screamed as 02 pushed its own progressive knife into the core of the angel. 

There was a large explosion as the angel blew up. "Thanks…" Shinji said into the silence following the explosion. 

Continued…………………………………………

Author's notes: Heh…damn…I've had this idea written in my notebook for so long…I finally found the time to type it up…anyway…A lot of technical dialogue in this chapter was quoted from the manga…so…This is my second fic to be typed up…my first was a horror called "Resident Eva"…so yea…I'm still a beginner at writing…so please ignore anything I did wrong grammar wise or spelling wise. There is an interesting plot to this story…and yes…it is a Shinji/Rei fic…so bluh!

Next Chapter: NERV Blackout   


	2. NERV Blackout

Masochistic

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion. Gainax does. Don't sue me…I have no money…this chapter contains mild language, sexuality, and scenes of masochism…SPOILERS! Yes…again, the spoilers…I am basing this around BOTH the manga and the TV series…so some things are out of chronological order…Unfortunately, there is a slight hint of OOC…but not too much…so read on!

KEY:

_Italicized words: _Character thoughts

*Asterisks*: Character actions

[FLASHBACK]: Flashback…duh!

Story Title: Masochistic

Chapter two: NERV blackout

~~~~

All three EVAs stood in the cage. "Shinji…nice work," Misato said in a sarcastic voice. "Oh…thanks," he said in a depressed tone, missing the sarcasm in his surrogate mother's voice. "I'm being sarcastic! Listen up! When you hesitated, you cut the plan margin's of error down to one second!" Misato scolded. "I know…I know…I'm sorry…" he apologized, staring at the control yokes. "Sorry? I want to see you in the locker room when you get out! Don't you DARE run away! I have a lot to say to you!" Misato screamed into the communications link.

 Shinji sighed. "Yes…Major…" he said into the communications link, right before he terminated it. The beep signifying an ended transmission sounded and Shinji stepped out of his entry plug. _I don't need anyone…_he thought in anger. But then, he thought of Rei. 

Misato stepped through the door, obviously fuming about something. You might actually have been able to see smoke emitting from her ears. "Huh?" Kaji said as she walked past him. "Hey, what are you so upset about?" he asked, walking beside her. She turned to him, her face red. "Nothing! None of your business!" she yelled in his face. He withdrew and protected himself as Misato took an aimless swing for his face. "And quite following me!" she added. "Me? I'm just headed this way," Kaji said in a levelheaded voice as Misato reached an elevator and pushed the call button. 

"How about the operation you came up with?" Kaji asked, trying to lighten the mood. "One false step and we'd have been blown into itty bitty bits!" Misato yelled, stepping onto the elevator as it opened. "And I'm on my way to scold the PUNK who made that one false step! BRAIN DEAD KID!" she screamed, pushing the floor 2 button. A silence followed. Kaji did not want to excite Misato more by saying something stupid, so he didn't reply. Suddenly, the elevator came to an abrupt stop and the lights went out. "…"

"Hey! What's with the lights?! I can't see a damn thing!" Asuka yelled in her usual angry voice. "Great! One more thing to screw my day over!" Shinji yelled. Asuka and Rei stared at the young Ikari. "What?" he asked in an annoyed tone of voice.  Asuka shook off the shock of Shinji's outburst and simply said, "Idiot."

Rei's expressionless mask didn't change despite Shinji's curious behavior. "This is not a standard power outage. The lights have been out for fifty-two seconds. In such a case, the reserve generators should have some online," Rei said quietly from the shadows. Asuka jumped and clutched her chest, which was now heaving with labored breathing. "Would you please not mumble from the darkness?! I almost had a heart attack!" she yelled. Rei disregarded her comment and thought out loud, "Perhaps there was an accident."  The blue haired pilot began to walk ahead of the second and third children. "We cannot do anything here. We should go to the main tactics room," she said in her quiet, almost inaudible voice. "HEY! How come you get to be leader? You can barely even talk!" Asuka yelled, beginning to walk towards Rei. 

Asuka had never liked Rei. Asuka, even though she was a good person at heart, despised the first child. She believed that Rei had no thoughts of her own and that she was just a doll. 

Shinji grabbed Asuka's shoulder gently. The redhead turned and looked at who had grabbed her. "Ayanami's right," Shinji told her. The redhead bit her lip as Shinji walked up next to Rei and continued the walk to the Control Room. "Fine! Hey! Slow down! It's pitch black! Geez…deaf, blind, and mute!" Asuka teased. Shinji clenched his fist, "She is not!" he yelled. Asuka clenched her fist as though she was going to whap Shinji, but only stared at him with a murderous look. "I'm sorry. I have memorized the layout of headquarters," Rei said to the other children. She then turned forward and continued yet again. "Humph. One more chance to rub it in, I'm the new girl." Asuka mumbled, blushing slightly.  

As Asuka walked in front of the first and second children, Hyuuga ran into her.  "ACK! OWWWW!" she whined as she fell on her backside. "Dr. Akagi? What's going on?" Asuka asked the blonde doctor, completely disregarding Hyuuga's apologies. Shinji stole a glance at Rei. She noticed his stare and looked at him with her stone mask. The boy blushed and looked away. "I wish I knew," Ritsuko finally replied. 

"We should consider sabotage," Akagi said to Maya. "Did you pass Misato on you're way here? She was supposed to be headed this way," Ritsuko asked the three children. "Who cares?" Shinji mumbled.

"Where's Mister Kaji?" Asuka asked in her lovey-dovey voice. "I saw him walking with the Major before the power failed," Lieutenant Ibuki reported. "What are they doing together…with the lights…out?" Asuka asked in an urgent voice. "I…think your reading too much into this," Maya said, a sweat drop forming on her short hair. 

"Shinji?" Asuka turned toward the brown haired boy, a deadly serious look on her face. "We're going to go look for them," she said. "I knew you would say that…" he said in a defeated voice. "You too. You're useful in the dark," Asuka said, pointing at Rei. "No. This is not my concern," Rei said, devoid of any emotion at all. "I knew you'd say that," Asuka said, smirking. She grabbed Shinji's ear and pulled him toward the door. "Come on Shinji! We'll find them by ourselves!" she said, as if trying to make the others feel guilty for not looking for, 'her Kaji'. Shinji pulled free from her grasp. "P-please Ayanami? C-come with us…for me?" he asked, in a nervous sounding voice. The blue haired pilot considered Shinji for a moment, her crimson eyes studying his facial expression. "Fine," she said after a long silence. She walked to his side and followed Asuka and him out the door. 

Everyone stared, open-mouthed. "Is there something going on between those two I should know about?" Ritsuko asked Maya. "I have no idea…"

Shinji stood right behind Rei and Asuka, trying not to let his eyes fall to their hindquarters. "So, have you two kissed yet?" Asuka asked in a non-aggressive voice. "W-what?! What're y'talking 'bout?!" Shinji asked, blushing furiously and stumbling over something in the dark. Rei just stared ahead, choosing not to answer. "C'mon, aren't you guys going out? I don't get the whole puppet attraction, though, Shinji," Asuka said in a non-caring voice, not un-like Rei's. "She's not a puppet!" Shinji said angrily, surprising himself. "Oh, is that so?" Asuka taunted. _Why am I pushing? He's just an idiot right? Right…or…dammit…why does the wimp have to be the only good looking guy in Tokyo-3…except Kaji…and why does he have to like 'wondergirl'? _ 

Shinji looked at Rei, who looked back. "See! The way you stare at each other! You guys have got to be doing something together!" Asuka pleaded, hoping to get an answer. "Piloting," Rei said simply. "Oh, come on!" Asuka whined, stomping and accidentally causing Shinji to fly into Rei.

He fell on top of her in a very…uh…interesting position. His right hand was planted on her right breast, his face was extremely close to hers, and his legs were spread above her waist. Very similar to the last time he had fallen onto Rei, except now, she had cloths on. Shinji blushed a deep maroon color, but did not get up. He stared down at her rather beautiful face, still masked by indifference. 

*PING* the elevator door to the children's right opened and all the lights came back on. Misato and Kaji were in a similar position as Rei and Shinji. "What the hell are you doing Shinji?!" Misato asked, getting off of Kaji and blushing a deep red. Shinji got off Rei and brushed himself off, then held out his hand to help the girl up. She took his hand and stared into his face as she stood up. Shinji turned to Misato. "Asuka pushed me, Major," Shinji smiled at Rei and walked back toward the Main Tactics Room. 

"Have you gotten in touch with the Commander?" Misato asked the bridge bunnies. "Just now Major. The radio link is back up," Maya replied. "All right. The power lines were severed physically in twenty-seven different locations. In a further ten locations, the power was cut by means of a program which fed simulated transmission errors into the switching control subroutine," Maya reported, looking at a piece of paper with a lot of information printed on it. "At present, we are back up to 58% power," Ritsuko added, with a glance at Misato. "The point wasn't to turn the lights out…" Misato reasoned, going over the facts. "Right. They wanted to watch us turn them on again. You could deduce a lot about our layout and priorities through monitoring out recovery process," Ritsuko said in a mysterious sort of voice. "This is bad…" Misato mumbled, chewing on her thumbnail. "I had the Magi run a recovery program that's full of misinformation. I doubt they'll get a clear picture, at any rate," Ritsuko said, taking a sip from her NERV coffee cup. "What's bad it that the first real damage done to headquarters wasn't done by an angel, but by one of us…" Maya said, turning to look at her superiors. "But…who exactly?" the purple haired Major asked. "One of our own, as Lieutenant Ibuki said," Ritsuko stated, putting her NERV cup down. "Our own? You mean within NERV itself?" Misato asked, folding her arms. "We're running checks on all personnel. But I don't think that the culprit's gone far," Ritsuko faced Misato and added, in an undertone, "They say that the closer someone is to you…the more they…blur…" Misato was silent for a long time before replying, "He was with me when the power went out." Ritsuko sighed. "True. I suppose, if you were the suspicious type, you would consider that as misinformation," the doctor said. "There may be more than one enemy here!" Misato said angrily. 

Shinji gave Pen-Pen the fish in his hand. The penguin squeaked thankfully and gobbled the fish down. "I've got to get going! Asuka, are you still asleep?" Shinji asked through Asuka's door. "Shinjiiiiiiii!" Asuka moaned, holding her stomach and appearing at her door in her pajamas. "Don't go to school," she demanded in a weak voice. "Huh? Why not?" he asked, bewildered. "'Cause I said so! You're going to give Kaji this letter!" she said, stuffing an envelope into Shinji's hand. "Why?" he asked, looking at the letter. "Because of you…he think I am some bitch who forced you into Ayanami! You're going to go explain it all to him," she said in a desperate voice. Shinji couldn't help but feel pity for the redhead. "I would go myself, but I'm in the second day of my period and I'm one giant cramp," she said, wincing a bit. "I didn't want to know that, Asuka…" 

"Please…after you said that I had forced you into the first…how am I supposed to face Kaji?" she sounded so urgent, Shinji accepted his task. "All right, I'll go," he said. Asuka gave her rare, beautiful, genuine smile. "What's the letter for though?" Shinji asked. "You don't think I trust you to explain it on your own?" she said with a sly smile. "Don't you dare look inside!" she yelled at him as he walked out the door. 

_When you're told not to look…it makes you want to look more _he mused. Shinji held the envelope to the light and attempted to read what was inside. 

'Stupid Shinji forced himself on me didn't succeed. Went after Ayanami. Trust you have nothing to do with Misato

I love you, Asuka'

"…" Shinji crumpled the letter and stuck it in his pocket. _On second thought…I better explain it in my own words…_he thought. 

Shinji aimlessly wondered the streets. _GREAT! I'm lost again! _he thought angrily. He stepped around a corner and spotted Misato walking with a 9mm in her hand. _What the hell? She didn't even notice me…_

Kaji pulled a stolen security card from his jacket. He was about to open a metallic door labeled, 'Terminal Dogma', but suddenly, cold steel pressed against his skull. "Oh…it's you," Kaji said rather calmly. "Is this your real job? Or just some part time work?" Misato asked angrily. "I wonder," Kaji replied sarcastically. "Are you Ryoji Kaji, special agent, United Nations NERV…or Ryoji Kaji, special investigator, Japanese Ministry of the Interior?" she asked with anger still present in her voice. "You know?" Kaji asked with a smirk. "Don't underestimate us!" Misato yelled, loading the pistol pressed to Kaji's head. "I'll keep this to myself for now, but keep moonlighting around and you will die," Misato said evenly. Kaji chuckled, despite the loaded gun pointing at his head. "Commander Ikari knows who I am, but he still finds me useful," he said. "What?" Misato lowered her pistol and stared at the man she had once called, 'lover'. "You need information Misato," he said, swiping his card through the I.D. check on the door. It began to open, creaking as the large doors slowly split a path for them. 

Inside was mostly dark, except for one thing. "NO!" Misato screamed. Her gun clattered to the floor and her hands shot up to her mouth, stifling further noise. A large angel with seven eyes was crucified in the middle of the room. It had no legs, just human torso's sprouting from its lower region. Blood poured down the cross, as it's seven sad eyes focused on the NERV employees. 

"This is the instrumentality project. This is also known as Project-E. This is the beginning of everything…Adam…" Kaji said, staring up at the tortured creature with a smile. "I…see…" Misato shook her head and turned around to find Shinji in the doorway staring up at the angel in horror. "Shinji! What the hell are you doing here?!" Misato shook him by his shoulders. His pupils dilated and he had trouble not passing out.  

"I don't think I have to tell you this, but forget what you saw back there," Misato said to Shinji, accelerating her car down the highway. "Okay…" they didn't talk all the rest of the way to NERV headquarters. It had been a day since Shinji had found the Major and Kaji in the room with…the angel. 

"What's wrong with Shinji, Misato? His synch rate is down dramatically. And just after he'd been making real progress," Ritsuko said, shaking her head. "Okay! You three can finish up now!"    Ritsuko said into the communications link.

"What's the status?" Commander Ikari asked. His sunglasses were on, like usual and his hands were folded together in their usual manner. "All three check out. No problems. No indication of any damage from the blackout," Ritsuko replied. "I see. Good."

Shinji sat staring at the wall. _What were you doing to that creature, father? He thought. The image of the angel came back. "Ikari…?" a small voice asked. Shinji looked up to see Rei standing in front of him. "Is something wrong? It…looks as if you are depressed," she said, her eyes drooped from lack of sleep. "Maybe. I don't know," Shinji said, standing and looking at her, face to face. "Like you told me…I tried to talk to the Commander…but…well…It was no good…I don't think my father and I will ever talk again…" he stared into her sunset eyes.  He slowly took a step toward her. Tears began to fall from his cheeks and, unexpectedly, he flung his arms around her and sobbed into her shoulder._

She froze and looked down at him in confusion. Shinji didn't know how long it took before she put her own arms around him, completing the hug. "Rei *Sniff*** **I just wanted…to hear those three words from him…" Shinji pulled away, feeling like an utter idiot for crying in front of her. "I'm…sorry…" she said, her voice now different then how it usually was.

Despite his embarrassment, Shinji moved toward Rei once more. This time, he leaned in for a kiss. He didn't know why, it was just his instinct. Rei didn't say anything; in fact, Shinji could have sworn that her head tilted a little to provide easier access for Shinji. Their lips gently brushed against each other and pushed into the kiss more. She suddenly pulled back, blushing heavily for the first time Shinji had ever seen. "Ikari…I must go," she said, running out the door.

Asuka walked in after Rei had left with a disgusted look on her face. "Did you deliver the letter?" she asked impatiently. Shinji pulled the crumpled piece of paper out of his pocket. "Give it to him yourself," he said, walking out of the room, despite her threats.

He walked blindly down the street, almost being run over several times. "What's up man? You walk around in that daze and you're going to be road kill," Kaji said, pulling up beside Shinji in his convertible. "Mr. Kaji…" Shinji mumbled, remembering the angel. "Headed home, right? I'll give you a ride," he offered. "I want to talk to you a little," he said, lighting a cigarette. 

Shinji decided to get in the car and Kaji drove off at about 70 mph, pulling shades onto his face. The wind ruffled Shinji's hair and felt good against his face. "I won't tell anyone about the other day," Shinji said. "That works for me," Kaji said, cheerfully. "Misato told me to forget about it," the brown haired boy said. "You can forget about it…because you're ordered to?" Kaji asked, pulling the cigarette from his mouth and exhaling. "…" Shinji did not answer. "Shinji…you know…I'm glad you saw what you did…there are a lot of other things you should see…why don't we make a day of it?" he asked, speeding up and driving toward an aquarium place. "O-okay…" Shinji said, gripping his chair tightly.   

"Shinji…let's talk about an organization called NERV," Kaji said to the boy. They were seated on a bench in front of a glass aquarium with many exotic animals and plants. "Okay. It's a special agency chartered under the UN right? A defense organization against a barely understood enemy, code named, 'angel's'." Kaji didn't look at Shinji as he spoke. "Have you ever wondered why the monsters only attack Tokyo-3? No other cities? It's as if they're after NERV itself, right? And why the only things capable of fighting the angels are based here. As if they were waiting for them," Kaji said, still staring into nothingness. "What do you mean?" Shinji asked, totally lost. "I mean that they did know. Everything has been set up from the start. Your father had the entire scenario before him. The second impact in 2000," Kaji still stared at nothing. "Why…is his all…?" Shinji trailed off. "SEELE. That's the name of the organization behind your father. They're a secret society. Some people think they've been running the world for thousands of years. They paid for NERV, they built it, SEELE possesses the Dead Sea Scrolls. The scrolls serve as their bible…among other things…The scrolls and the secrets within are older than people believe. As old as humanity itself, if what I've turned up is true….The entire history of the human race is written there. Just so you understand. By entire, I mean ENTIRE. Past, present, and even future." He took a long puff of his cigarette. 

"Wait a minute! Why are you telling me this? What difference does it make? All I am to my father is a playing piece in some game! I'm just one of his pilots! There's no point in telling me!" Shinji yelled, staring at the ground, despite the stares of those around them. "You're wrong. You not only have the right, but a duty to know the truth. You're the child of Dr. Yui Ikari…who created Gendo Ikari and the Evangelion," Kaji said, turning and looking straight at Shinji. "EVA, born from Adam. Your mother solved that primary problem. He saw what cracking the human genome meant. As a scientist, she was fearless," He continued, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth, exhaling the toxic fume. "The mom I knew…was never in any lab," Shinji said, putting his head in his hands. All the life drained from his face and he tried not to remember. "She was…just a normal mom…until father made her a test subject…and she died…" he began to sweat badly, dryness clenching his mouth. "Is that what people told you? No, you must've seen it with your own eyes. The moment your mother vanished. You're just shutting out that painful memory…keeping it from your conscious thought," Kaji said, putting the cigarette back between his lips and taking a deep breath. To onlookers, Shinji appeared to be freaking out.

~~~[FLASHBACK]~~~

"Ikari, what is a child doing here?" 

"This is a very important experiment and…" 

"I'm sorry Dr. Fuyutsuki…I brought him,"

"But you…today is your big day!"

"That's exactly why. I want him to remember this day…to show him humanities brightest moment!"

That's right…I knew all along… 

"What's wrong? What's happening!? FLAT LINE! NO VITAL SIGNS ON TEST SUBJECT! ABORT TEST! YUI!"

_I…I knew about the Evangelion!_

~~~[END FLASHBACK]~~~

Shinji began convulsing badly as he remembered. He had spent so much time trying to forget, only to have it brought back like a ton of bricks. "I'm sorry…you shouldn't force yourself…But, Shinji…you mustn't look away…from the truth." Kaji put his arm around Shinji and helped the poor boy up.

Continued

Author Notes: Heh…the plot thickens! This chapter was all about the plot behind NERV, Gendo, and SEELE. Though there is still a lot to be revealed, you know the basic plot. Some Asuka fans might be pissed at me for my portrayal of her…but I can't help it! I am not good at writing Asuka…anyway…There's more to come, soon! I am currently typing up Chapter three…so…Stay tuned!

Next Chapter: Sick


	3. Sick

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, for GAINAX does. So there.whatcha gonna do 'bout it? This chapter contains more intense scenes of masochism, mild language, and use of tobacco and alcohol.I think.anyway, thanks for the positive feedback! I think I'll keep going with this story. Er, this is based around the Manga and the TV series both! The timeline and stuff is a little off. Ah, yes, and there are SPOILERS!  
  
Anyway, on with the show! thingies: character thoughts *Asterisks*: Actions [FLASHBACK]: Flashback.lol  
  
Shinji sat in his room with a sterilized needle in his right hand, an earring in his left hand. Come on! I can do this! Just to feel the pain again! he thought with a little self-disgust. "I'm sick," he said as he slowly brought the needle to his left lobe. The needle slowly torn through the skin, finally going all the way through. A little blood fell from the hole, but Shinji didn't notice, he was to busy trying to get the earring into the hole. He gently pressed the metallic silver ring through the hole and pulled the needle out. All at once, the pain dissolved and was replaced by a dull ache. Shinji was somewhat disappointed, but at least he had done it. "Ah," he winced, turning the hoop, bothering the tender skin.  
  
Shinji got up and walked into the bathroom, walking past the mirror and past the porcelain toilet to the sink. His trembling hands gently rinsed the needle and he pocketed it. "I really am sick," he said as he brought out a bottle of rubbing alcohol. His hands clasped around a Q-tip, which was hiding in a cabinet, and he dipped the Q-tip into the rubbing alcohol. His face contorted and he gasped as the clear liquid touched his newly pierced ear. A pain shot through his every nerve as the alcohol slowly cleaned the hole. He gave a deep breath again and rotated the hoop again. An image flashed into his mind. It was that of his mother disappearing. He remembered the conversation between Kaji and himself and couldn't help but tremble.  
  
"Shinji?" Misato said through the closed, wooden bathroom door. "Yes?" the boy replied, quickly putting away his supplies. The purple haired Major entered and looked at Shinji a long time before talking. "Are you okay?" she asked simply, looking at his hand. It was still bandaged. "I'm fine," was his simple reply as he turned and faced his surrogate mother. "What happened to your ear?" she asked, pointing to the red piercing. "I pierced it just now. Is this acceptable?" he asked in a voice similar to Ayanami's. "You sound too much like Rei." she said seriously. "Why is that a bad thing?" he asked, feeling a bit of resentment toward her statement. Misato didn't answer, she didn't want to make Shinji angrier with her then he already was. "You've got a synch test today. Go to headquarters after school," she said as she turned and exited, a slight slump in her shoulders. She slouched down the hall and entered her room to sulk. I'm trying my best. Teenagers are so hard to figure out. she thought as she laid down on her bed and closed her eyes, the effects of her late shift last night finally setting in.  
  
Shinji made his way back to his neat room and picked up his backpack. He forced himself to shove the conversation out of his mind. He walked silently to the door, not bothering to wait for Asuka. Another synch test. What will it be this time? he thought. It was still early, so, instead of taking the public transport to school, he decided to walk. Tokyo-3 is so ugly he thought with a slight trace of disgust. His feet took him through the dirty streets and passed the tall, repetitive building and finally to the middle school he had come to hate for its boringness. Several students were making their way to the doors when Shinji finally made his way across the blacktop. He went through the doors and straight to his locker, sighing as he opened it.  
  
As he shut it, he glimpsed the tiny scratches he had inflicted on his arm, just to draw blood. Maybe I need to see a shrink. he mused as he sulked into classroom 2A. He slumped into his usual seat; most the class had been there for a few minutes already. Just as Shinji sat, Hikari stood and gave the "Stand, bow, sit," routine to show respect for the entering Sensei. Shinji just mumbled and kept seated.  
  
Shinji glanced around as the Sensei began to drone on about the second impact. His blue eyes fell on the albino girl staring out the window. Maybe kissing her was a mistake he thought sadly as he stared at the red eyed girl.  
  
Shinji tried practicing falling asleep with his eyes open, but ended up just slumping onto his desk. The Sensei kept talking about the second impact's effects on agriculture. His haunting dreams were of the same conversation with Kaji. He saw his mother over and over again. He wanted to wake up so badly, and fortunately, one of his friends helped him.  
  
"AH!" Shinji yelled as Toji yanked on his new earring. "What's dat? Are you gay or something?" he taunted. "No! Now if you don't mind, I'm going somewhere where I won't be teased," he said as he got up. The bell rang for lunch and the students got up and went out the door, talking excitedly. Shinji walked out, followed by Toji and Kensuke who kept talking about him being 'gay'.  
  
As the trio entered the lunchroom, Asuka walked up. "Hey, Shinji? What's with the hoop? Are you gay or something?" she asked rather loudly. She hadn't meant it to be so loud, but she didn't apologize, that wasn't Asuka's personality. "No. Now, please move," he said in a hurt, angry, and depressed voice. He walked around her and looked for the only place where no one would tease him.  
  
"Ayanami? May I sit here?" he said as he looked down into the girl's startled crimson eyes. ".yes," she said after a long time of contemplation. She seemed to be remembering the kiss, for her expression seemed slightly embarrassed. Well, as embarrassed as Rei had ever looked.  
  
Asuka stared after Shinji for a long time. She was torn between going over and yelling at Shinji, though she didn't know why, and walking away. Apologizing was out of the question, though Asuka didn't really know why for that either. What's wrong with him? He seems different.or is it just me? she asked herself. Deep down, Asuka cared about Shinji, though it hadn't reached her conscious thought process yet. The redhead knew she felt a degree of closeness to the young Ikari, but she had no idea how deep it was. She tried and tried to be nice to him, but she never could bring herself to do it. It was her pride that got in her way. And she had no idea how bad it really was. Asuka finally looked away from Shinji and walked off to Hikari, who, hopefully, would help her forget about the brown haired pilot.  
  
Rei eyed Shinji as he slowly ate his lunch. He was looking down at his plate, not once glancing at the girl in front of him. She noticed little scratches on his forearm, but thought nothing of it. Her crimson eyes moved to his ear, but she really didn't care. In her mind, it wasn't what people wore that made them who they are. She was living proof.  
  
As Shinji finally finished his meal, he looked at the albino girl who had been staring at him. She didn't blush and look away like many others would have done. She had a thoughtful look on her face, as though she wasn't looking at him, but something else. "Ayanami?" he asked, a slight blush gracing his cheeks. She looked into his eyes and nodded to let him know that she was listening. "A-are you okay?" he asked, stuttering a little under her gaze. "I am fine. Why do you ask?" she replied, a confused look appearing on her features. "Oh.no particular reason.just.wanted to know.See you later," he said, standing and walking off.  
  
Rei's eyes followed Shinji until he disappeared around the corner of the door. She sat in silent contemplation over her feelings. When.when he 'kissed' me.what did I feel? What did I feel just now? What did Ikari feel? I.I do not know she puzzled over her emotions as she finished her lunch and stood to leave as well. Unknown to Ayanami, several eyes followed her, seeing if she would follow Shinji. Several giggles erupted in the room as Rei exited the exact same door Shinji had left through earlier.  
  
"Alright, what's this test for?" Asuka asked Ritsuko. "I just want to try some new things,." the doctor said, smiling weakly. "What?" Asuka asked in her arrogant, curious way. "You're.going to.have to.go in naked," the blonde doctor said, backing off a little as Asuka's face reddened. Not good Dr. Akagi.  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?" Asuka screamed. She never enjoyed revealing a lot of herself around anyone. "With this pervert around?" she asked, pointing to Shinji. He backed away. "I don't think so!" she crossed her arms and blushed. She didn't know why she always teased Shinji so much. Shinji looked toward the blue haired girl standing silent in the corner. She had her expressionless look on, her right arm clasping her left. She never had any trouble being nude around people. (Why?)  
  
"I can't believe this!" Asuka said, coming out from the locker room, a towel wrapped tightly around her figure. Rei exited the locker room, a towel slung lazily around her body and Shinji emerged, a towel wrapped around his waist. He had grown a little more, filling out into a muscular build. Shinji's eyes fell on the ill covered teenage girls in front of him. His cheeks began to burn. They both had washboard stomachs, and, in Shinji's opinion, perfect bodies. Shinji noticed that Asuka was skinnier than Rei, but he didn't know why. Asuka always ate more than Ayanami.  
  
"Shall we?" Ritsuko asked, indicating to the children to go to the EVA cages. Shinji and Rei walked in front with Asuka following, mumbling something about, 'Idiot boy and his sidekick, Wondergirl.'  
  
As the three reached the cages, Rei threw off her towel and walked to her entry plug naked. Many male technicians stared at her, marveling at her body. Shinji got in the entry plug and threw his towel out, as did Asuka.  
  
"Okay.Give me a minute to boot up this new software." Ritsuko said over the communications link. Shinji closed his eyes and waited for the EVA to fill with LCL and come alive. "There," the doctor said as the entry plug began to fill with LCL. Shinji's eyes opened to see the orange liquid fall down onto his unclothed body. "Nothing looks different," Asuka said. "We're not changing anything, but the synch ratios. This new program should boost each of your harmonics rates a little," Ritsuko answered. "Cool!" Asuka said enthusiastically.  
  
Shinji sighed once more. His nose was invaded by smell of blood mixed with water. He recognized this as the smell of LCL. He waited for the liquid to completely cover his body and saturate his lungs. It felt so different without a plug suit on.  
  
"Dr. Akagi?" Hyuuga asked, turning toward the doctor, who was leaning over a computer screen. "What is it?" she replied, not looking up. "We've detected a slight leak in the protein wall above the test area," he reported. Akagi waved her hand as if to brush the problem away. "A minor detail. Fix it when we're through," she ordered. "Yes ma'am!" he nodded and turned back toward his computer.  
  
Shinji yawned. "Okay, we're about ready to start the test," Ritsuko said. The boy felt odd naked in the liquid. He felt as though he was being watched, but he couldn't tell by whom. He stretched and breathed out into the LCL. Bubbles came from his mouth and dissipated into nothingness. "Okay, starting test!" Ritsuko said.  
  
"WAIT! Dr! Organism entering protein leak! Blood pattern.BLUE! IT'S AN ANGEL! A.T. FIELD DETECTED!" Aoba yelled to the doctor. "Eject the plugs! Now! Launch the EVAS! Get them out of here!" Ritsuko ordered, screaming louder than she had intended.  
  
Shinji felt a rushing feeling and a sucking at his stomach as the entry plug was hurled through the air. The LCL drained at an alarmingly fast rate. When Shinji hit the ground, he had no liquid to protect his fall. "Ow."  
  
Shinji rubbed his head and opened his entry plug. He stepped out and looked up to find Rei standing there, sopping wet and unclothed. Shinji couldn't help but stare.  
  
"What is wrong, Ikari?" she asked, looking him over. "No-nothing," he said, looking at the ground. "We should leave. It's not safe here," she said to the boy. "W-what about A-Asuka?" Shinji asked, nodding toward the redhead's entry plug. He was worried that she was hurt. "What about her? Pilot Soryu will leave when she is ready," Rei said in her careless voice. Shinji nodded and gulped, realizing how very naked he and Rei were. They both walked to the locker rooms, eager to change into some clothes.  
  
Shinji toweled off and changed into his school uniform. "What do we do now?" he asked the blue haired girl through the curtain. "Go to the control room," she said, entering Shinji's side of the locker room. He was fully dressed, so he didn't care. He nodded and indicated for her to lead. She bowed a little and walked out the door. Shinji ran after her, trying not to slip on the slick floor.  
  
The hallways were devoid of any NERV personnel, which surprised Shinji. He furrowed his brow and continued to follow his albino leader until she turned into a busy, congested room.  
  
"What's going on?" Shinji asked Dr. Akagi, who was bustling around the computers. "An angel has entered through a protein leak. It's evolving and adapting at an alarming rate to our counter measures," Ritsuko said, typing something in on a computer.  
  
"It's infected the Magi!" Maya yelled in importance. "Which!?" Ritsuko yelled, turning to face the young Lieutenant. "Melchoir and most of Balthasar!" Ibuki replied. "Damn! Load that new disk into Casper! He's our only hope!" Ritsuko ordered. "Yes Dr.!" the techs yelled, rushing to follow her orders.  
  
Shinji watched as the angel continued to infiltrate NERV's computers. He couldn't see the angel's physical form and doubted it even had one. "Where are Major Katsuragi and Commander Ikari?" Rei asked, finally speaking for the first time since they had arrived. Dr. Akagi looked up from her computer screen with something like anger toward the first child. "Misato's got a hangover and the Commander.is elsewhere." she shot a warning glance to both teenagers. Neither of them asked anything else about the Commander's whereabouts.  
  
"Two hours until the angel gets through Casper's defenses!" Aoba reported. "Dammit! Rei, Shinji, I suggest you go eat something. You won't be needed for this one," the doctor rushed off to try and speed up the download of her new angel defense program. "Okay." Shinji said, turning to the door. "Let's go," he said to Rei. She nodded and followed him out the door.  
  
Shinji didn't eat. He just stared off into space, trying not to remember his conversation with Kaji. "What is wrong, Ikari? Dr. Akagi suggested that we eat," Rei said, looking up from her salad. "Just knowing we can't do anything about the angel is.disturbing.what if the angel succeeds in taking Casper?" he said, looking into her crimson eyes. He didn't feel like telling her about Kaji. "I trust Dr. Akagi will stop the angel," she said, with some trace of what Shinji could call resentment. She didn't look worried though. In fact, her face showed nothing at all. She had her hollow glare on.  
  
Shinji silently ate his salad. It wasn't a great meal, but it would do. "Ikari." Rei said, looking up at him. "Are you worried about Miss Soryu?" she asked. There was some emotion in her voice that Shinji couldn't quite place. "Yes. She is.a friend." he answered after a while. Surprisingly, he was not nervous. "May I ask you a personal question?" she asked, looking back down at her food. "Yes," Shinji asked, nervousness starting to set in. "Are you involved with Miss Soryu?" she asked after a long period of contemplating over what to say. "N-no!" Shinji stuttered, choking on his food. "Do you want to be?" she asked, taking a bite of her salad. Shinji became serious and sighed. "I don't know.She treats me like dirt sometimes.but.other times.she is really.nice.I don't know," he looked down at his salad and finished it without anymore conversation from either children. What I didn't tell her is.there is someone else.her. he sighed and stood. "Wanna go back?" he asked after she finished. "Yes," she said, standing and walking by his side back to the control room. They both stole glances at each other while one wasn't looking.  
  
"Damn! How much longer will Casper take to upload that now data?" Ritsuko yelled. "84% done doctor!" Aoba replied, getting up and running to a different screen to type something in. "Hurry!" she yelled at her bridge crew. Shinji and Rei entered the room, looking around at the hustle and bustle. "What's going on doctor?" Shinji asked the blonde woman. "We're trying to upload a self destruct program into the angel!" she replied impatiently, turning to another computer and looking at the screen.  
  
"It's almost broken into Casper!" "COME ON!"  
  
Shinji stared. This is not good, he thought. He looked at his hand, which was still cut up. "95% uploaded!" someone yelled. Shinji looked up, anxiousness and stared at the girl standing next to him. She was still quite calm. "100%! Send it to the angel!" Ritsuko ordered.  
  
The brown haired boy held his breath, as did everyone else. "." No one said anything for several seconds as the program was sent to the angel. "Angel's evolution.stopped.he's." Maya said, watching her screen intently. "Blue pattern.DISOLVED!" Cheers sprang up throughout the room. Shinji smiled and looked at Rei. She looked no different. Oh well.  
  
Shinji found himself alone with a needle again. He stared at it. "I.need a doctor," he said as he pulled out a ring identical to the one in his left ear and pierced the needle through his right ear. He fumbled around with it and finally got the ring into the hole. He winced. "I am sick."  
  
Author Notes: Hey! Thanks for all the feedback people! I hoped you liked this chapter! It's a little longer than the others. It's also a tad bit darker. I changed a few things around, as you could see. But.I try to at least follow the basic plot. The Shinji/Rei relationship seems to be developing slowly, but just wait until the next chapter! Sucks to be you! I know something you don't.nananananana!  
  
Next Chapter: Awkward 


	4. Awkward

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion. Pure and Simple.

All right, I would like to take time and acknowledge some of the people reading my fic. First of all, thank you very much for reviewing it. It has been mostly positive so far. I know that my second chapter was very close to the Manga, but here is where is strays from that path. There are still slight parts from the manga, but most of it is original (Except for being based off Evangelion {lol}). Thank you Laval for giving me detailed reviews. I am working my best, but when you're in 8th grade, the teachers don't spend much time with creative writing. (That's right, I'm in 8th grade). Anyway. I have tried to make the format more readable. I apologize for the format of the third chapter; something went wrong with my computer when I submitted it. Here we go…

Thingies are Character thoughts

CHAPTER FOUR: AWKWARD

***

Shinji bit his lip as he slowly cleaned his earrings with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. 

"Ah," he gasped as he finished. The slightest trace of a smile crossed his face. 

"SHINJIIII!" Asuka called from the hallway. "TIME FOR SCHOOOL!" the redhead whined, throwing the bathroom door open. 

"Oh god! What happened to your ears?" she gasped, sounding slightly worried. 

Shinji shrugged and walked passed the second child. Asuka bit her lip and followed the third child out the door.

Asuka kept quiet as she walked next to Shinji. He hadn't said much of anything since she found him in the bathroom. I can't help but feel worried Asuka thought, running her slender fingers through her golden-red hair.

Shinji's wary feet carried him through the dirty, grimy streets of Tokyo-3 and slowly carried him to his middle school. 

"I'll see you later Asuka," Shinji said quietly, walking to his locker.

"Yea," Asuka whispered, observing the brown haired pilot for a short while before moving to her own locker.

***

Shinji dozed during the lecture…again. He had tried to stay awake, but ended up slumping onto his blank laptop.

Across the dull room, a blue haired girl stared out the window, her drooping crimson eyes gazing at the boring landscape.

On the other side of the room, a red-haired girl sat yawning, pondering Shinji's new behavior.

***

A quick ringing sound woke Shinji from his slumber. 

"See you after lunch," the teacher droned. Several students were making their way out of the classroom, chatting excitedly. 

The tired boy stood up and made his way toward the door. His mind was set on self-disgust mode as he thought back over his newly found addiction. 

Whispering surrounded Shinji and he knew that if he were to stick around long enough, the students would round on him and his ears. 

Just as someone began to walk toward him, he sped off to the door of the lunchroom. 

Toji and Kensuke hadn't arrived at the lunchroom yet, so he took another choice.

"A-Ayanami? May I sit here again?" he stuttered as he walked up to the first child, who sat eating her small lunch.

"Yes," she replied quietly. Shinji sat down next to Rei and grabbed a plate of noodles.

"Got feelings for Ayanami eh? Strong enough not to sit by ya friends?" Toji asked loudly, a little hurt showing on his voice.

"I, er, no, I mean, that is, uh, er, well…" Shinji scratched the back of his head and blushed as he tripped over his own words.

"Eh, it's okay buddy. Don't worry 'bout it," Toji said, waiving his hand in the air.

The whole lunchroom giggled, and Toji blushed and mouthed, 'I'm sorry' to his friend.

Shinji nodded and blushed. Rei had stopped eating to listen, but then began to eat again with small bites.

"We have got a synch test again today," she said softly, looking up at the boy next to her. He gave her a soft smile and stood up. 

"See you later," he said to Ayanami as he made his way to the door. 

The girl stared after him. She then finished her own meal and made her way out of the door.

***

Shinji sat staring at the mysterious blue haired pilot sitting on the other side of the fence. She had her knees drawn to her chest and she was staring off into space.

"Who ya staring at Ikari? Hikari? No…Ayanami? Boy, ya sure go for da sullen ones," Toji said rather loudly. 

Shinji jumped and blushed; looking around he noticed several people staring at him. 

Geez. She has good hearing he thought as he noticed Rei's gaze now fell on him.  

Rei considered the young Ikari for a moment before returning to her previous thoughts and staring off into space.

Shinji blushed and stared at Rei again, not listening to what Toji and Kensuke were saying to him.

She seemed very anti-social, but when you talked to her, it was more like she didn't know how to carry on a conversation instead of not wanting to. 

***

Shinji didn't realize when the bell rang. He just sat there stupidly as everyone left.

"C'mon Ikari!" Toji called to Shinji. "Yea, C'mon!" Kensuke said, yanking on Shinji's new earring. 

"Ow!" Shinji exclaimed as he got up and followed his friends to the locker room. 

***

Shinji spent the rest of class pondering Ritsuko's new tests. Wonder what she's going to have us do today. Hope it's nothing stupid he thought as he slipped off into a light sleep.

***

Shinji put his books into the book bag in his hands and put it over his shoulder. The sheer weight of the load almost made him fall to his knees.

His feet carried him down the familiar, dirty path back to Misato's apartment. His face contorted as the weight of life seemed to be pressing against him. 

A soft voice behind him snapped him out of the days he seemed to be in. "That is not the way to NERV headquarters Ikari," the voice called softly. 

Shinji turned to see the first child holding her briefcase in front of her. 

"Oh, I forgot," Shinji said, turning to follow his fellow pilot.

He walked behind her, trying to keep up with her fast pace until the familiar site of NERV headquarters came to view. 

"Gods in his heaven. All's right with us," he read softly. Hardly he thought as Rei swiped her I.D. card through the security check system.

Shinji stepped in after the girl and followed her down a series of passages that ultimately led to the locker rooms. 

The small doorway led into a little room with marble floors that were split down the middle by a gray curtain.

Rei walked on the other side of the curtain and quickly stripped down. 

Shinji had been watching her silhouette and, as Rei's undergarments came off, Shinji shivered. "Oh, good god," he shuttered as he watched the shadow with a somewhat lusting feeling.

Shinji changed into his plug suit as quickly as possible and walking out the door and through some more passages until he reached the EVA cages.

Rei came in shortly after him and they both stood in front of 01 and 00, awaiting Dr. Akagi.

Ritsuko and Misato walked in with smiles on their faces. "Hello Shinji," Misato said, her smile increasing warmly. 

"Hello Misato," Shinji replied, a smile crossing his own face. 

"Today's synch test will be to compare your compatibility with Rei. You know, how well you work with her. We've already seen you and Asuka," Ritsuko explained. 

Rei's right hand subconsciously clasped her left arm. 

"We're just going to see how well you coordinate together," the blonde doctor said, smirking and walking out.

"You may get into your Evas," Misato said, turning and walking off after Ritsuko.

***

Shinji sat in the rather uncomfortable metal seat. "I hate LCL," he said as the little capsule filled with an orange liquid. 

"Ready?" came Misato's voice.

"Yes sir," came Rei's reply. 

"Activate!" Misato ordered.

A simulated Tokyo-3 came into Shinji's field of vision. It was filled with tall, dirty, boring looking buildings. Shinji looked over the apartment building in front of him. It had several small black windows and repetitive designs on him. He saw a strange orb floating above the city.

"Units 00 and 01 are to observe the angel threatening Tokyo-3 and wait for further orders," Misato said over the communications link. 

"It can't be too dangerous," Shinji said, willing his large Eva to make its way toward the ball.

"Ikari! Look out!" Ayanami called.

  
"Huh?" Shinji grunted dumbly. He looked down and saw 01 being sucked into a large hole.

"End simulation," Misato sighed tiredly. 

"Come to the control room!" the purple haired woman yelled angrily. Uh oh… Shinji thought.

***

Shinji looked at the floor after being severely scolded for not waiting for orders. 

"Now, you will be spending five days with Rei. The angel in the simulation is heading this way and will arrive in approximately six days," Ritsuko said, a smirk inching its way across her features.

"W-What?" Shinji stuttered, his jaw dropping open. 

"Ah, Rei. As I was just telling Shinji, you'll be spending five days in the same apartment…to get your coordinating synch ratios up," Ritsuko said to the now entering blue haired girl.

"Yes Doctor," Rei replied without emotion. Shinji blushed and looked at Ritsuko. 

"It's JUST to get your cooperative synch ratios higher," the doctor repeated. 

He sighed and looked at the floor. 

"Where's the apartment?"

***

This is going to suck. I'll be trying to strike up a conversation and I'll just end up embarrassing myself he thought.

Ritsuko led them to a tunnel that led to a monorail. It was dark and only the small white transport was illuminated.

It had a small door that led to a chamber with ten seats inside.

"Get off at the first stop. It's room 13," she said as she handed Rei the keys.

Rei's slender, pale hands clasped around the golden keys. 

"Is it still inside headquarters?" Rei asked, stepping onto the transport after Shinji.

Ritsuko nodded to Rei as the door shut. The monorail's door shut and the transport took off at a slow pace. The walls seemed to hum as it gently glided down the tunnel.

Rei sat down and didn't speak for the rest of the time. She just stared out of the windows into the dark. 

Shinji stood, shaking with nervousness. What am I going to do? he asked himself. 

As quickly as it had begun, the monorail stopped and the doors creaked open. 

Rei stood and briskly walked out the door, followed by Shinji. 

Rei walked up the dirty stairs and straight down a hallway to a door marked "13". 

Misato stood outside the door, her arms crossed. 

"Here you are. It's a standard room: stereo, TV, refrigerator, microwave, etcetera. Make yourselves at home. The doors will lock from Nine PM until Six AM to ensure that you don't run off," she looked straight at her charge when she said this.

Shinji blushed and clenched his fist at his side. 

"Video cameras have been installed to secure your safety," she added, winking at Shinji.

Why do I get the feeling it's not just for our security? Shinji asked himself. 

"Good night," Misato said, turning and walking toward the monorail.

Rei turned and inserted the golden key into the door of apartment thirteen. She turned it and opened the creaky door. 

The room inside was a little bit bigger than Rei's apartment. There was a TV stationed in front of two twin beds, a stereo system lay right next to the TV, and the refrigerator was outside the bathroom.

Why am I so nervous? Shinji thought, blushing more as he stepped into the room. The two beds were quit close together.

He walked to the bed on the left and sat down on it. The albino girl sat down on the bed to the right and put away some of her cloths.

After she got done putting her things away, she stood up and walked toward the bathroom door. 

"I'm going to take a shower," she said to him. 

"Okay," Shinji replied, blushing, though he didn't know why.

Rei disappeared inside the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. 

Shinji blushed even more as he noticed that she hadn't locked the door. No...that would be wrong... he thought, blushing a deep maroon.  

***

Rei slipped her school uniform off and threw it to the side. She turned the shower on cold water and stepped in.

Why was Ikari so bothered by staying with me? she asked herself as she let the water run down her body. She wasn't bothered by it's temperature.

Am I...unpleasant? she thought with a frown. I thought he said he likes me... she thought as she lathered her hair with a shampoo NERV had supplied.

***

Shinji sighed. He looked up as Rei emerged from the bathroom. Her body was covered lazily by a towel and she was eyeing the third child curiously.

Rei threw her towel off and changed into her cloths right in front of Shinji. 

The boy covered his eyes and looked away. His cheeks turned so red, it looked as if they would ignite in a ball of fire.

"What is wrong Ikari?" Rei asked, tying the bow on her uniform. 

"I, uh, well, er, um, I..." he stuttered, turning back to face her.

She sat on her bed and decided not to push Shinji any farther for an answer.

Shinji stood and walked into the bathroom so he could escape Rei's questioning.

The door shut behind him and he looked over Rei's dirty cloths.

He picked them up and threw them in the hamper next to the toilet. He threw his own cloths into the hamper also and he stepped into the shower.

***

Rei stared at the bathroom door. Why was he so embarrassed? she thought. After a few minutes of contemplating, she decided to read.

She pulled out a book and flipped to the front. She read a couple of pages before Shinji emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed. 

Shinji sat down on his bead and grabbed the TV remote. Ayanami watched the boy curiously as he switched through channels. 

The young Ikari stopped at a channel entitled, 'Comedy Central'. 

"Cool. It's Dennis Leary," he said to no one in particular. The comedian walked across the stage telling dirty jokes.

"Dennis Leary? Who is that?" Rei asked quietly. Her crimson eyes drooped almost sadly as her blue hair gently grazed her pale skin on her forehead. 

"A comedian," Shinji said simply, staring forward at the screen.

Rei watched the TV curiously as Shinji laughed at the rather raunchy comedian.

She did not find the jokes funny, nor did she find them remotely entertaining.

"Why are you laughing?" Rei asked solemnly. Shinji stopped laughing and turned to look at the first child.

"You don't think he's funny?" he asked, an embarrassed look on his face.

Rei watched Dennis Leary's next joke and kept a straight face.

"No..." she said quietly, a slight look of disgust showing on her face. 

Shinji shrugged and changed the channel. Nothing else was on, however, so he turned the TV off and put the remote on a bed stand to his left.

"W-Wanna go get some dinner?" Shinji stuttered slightly as his stomach grumbled. 

Rei glanced at the clock to her right and looked into Shinji's face with that dead gaze. 

"Yes," she said simply, standing up and walking to the door.

***

They walked in silence until the NERV cafeteria came into view.

"Ikari? Where are you going?" Rei asked as Shinji walked passed the cafeteria.

"I wanna go someplace different...Would you come too, please? I've got some yen..." he said to her, blushing slightly.

Rei walked next to him, answering his question without words.

***

As they walked down the moonlit streets of Tokyo-3, Shinji kept stealing long glances at Rei. She didn't look back at him, but she could feel his stares.

Shinji led her to a small Ramen Shop. 

"Is this okay?" he asked the girl next to him.

"Yes, it is acceptable," she replied quietly. She slowly followed Shinji up to the counter and stood quietly waiting for the clerk.

"Oh, what a cute couple!" said a lady who had just walked up, her hair was pulled back into a bun and she was wearing a red dress.

"No! We aren't a couple...We're just friends!" Shinji said hastily, blushing horribly. 

"Sure..." the lady said, grinning. 

Friends? Rei thought. What is a friend? Is Ikari my friend? Rei's thought process was broken by the blonde lady behind the counter.

"What'll you have hon?" the woman asked, looking right at Rei. "The vegetarian ramen cup," she replied emptily.

"Okay, coming right up," the lady said, fixing Rei her meal quickly. 

"Thank you," Rei said as she turned and found her seat, holding her food out in a bowl.

Shinji was already sitting at the table, eating his own meal. As Rei sat, they both ate in silence for quite a while.

"Am I your friend Ikari?" Rei asked quietly, taking a break from her food.

"Huh? Yeah, why?" Shinji asked, looking up from his steaming cup. His blue eyes found their way to her face and gently surveyed her features.

"What does 'friend' mean to you? I have read that it is a relationship between people..." she looked up into Shinji's face and her crimson eyes locked with Shinji's blue ones.

"Friends...to me are...people you could trust with your life...who will be there for you...who I could count on..." Shinji blushed as he finished.

The blue haired girl continued to stare at Shinji, her expression staying the same as ever.

***

Shinji finally stood up as he finished his cup. "I'm full, how about you?" he asked, not looking at Ayanami.

Why am I so embarrassed? I hate adolescence! he thought angrily. 

"Yes, I am full also," Rei said as she stood. She followed Shinji to the door and walked out after him.  

The way back to their apartment was boring and uneventful and by the time they reached it, they were both tired.

As Shinji opened the door to the apartment and let Rei go through, Rei finally decided to voice all her thoughts.

"Why did you kiss me before, Ikari? I have read that 'just friends' do not do that..." she asked quietly, avoiding his eyes.

Shinji stared at the ground and didn't answer. His cheeks felt like they were on fire.

"I..." he never finished because the lights out bell issued.

"Goodnight Ikari..." Rei said as she undressed before him and climbed into her bed.

Shinji blushed furiously and climbed under his own covers, taking his cloths off from under the privacy of his own bed.

Rei sighed and closed her eyes. Both teenagers fell asleep in a few minutes time.

***

During the night, Shinji woke to hear Rei shivering. Odd... he thought as he walked over and pulled his only cover onto her.

She stopped shivering almost immediately. Shinji smiled and walked back to his own bed, which was now only covered by a thin sheet.

As Shinji climbed back into his own bed, he started to shiver uncontrollably. His eyes drooped despite the cold, however, and he soon was on the edge of slumber.

Just as he was about to slip into a dream, a cold body pressed up against him, followed by a heavy blanket being laid upon him. 

"W-w-w-who?" he stuttered as he turned to see the bare body of Rei facing him. 

"What is wrong Ikari?" she asked quietly, no change in her expression.

"Y-y-y-your n-naked!" Shinji stuttered, barely able to keep consciousness.

Rei furrowed her brow and looked into Shinji's face.

"What is the problem? This is how we are born. Is it not? We are born nude, thus it is natural," she replied, not able to see why it had bothered Shinji.

"Why in m-m-my bed?" he asked, blushing furiously.

"You would be cold would you not? This way, we can share the blanket instead of just one of us getting it, thus, we are both warm," she stated as though it were obvious.

She had a point. Shinji shuttered as Rei's slender hand reached out and touched his cheek.

"What is wrong? You do not like me?" she asked, a little hurt appearing in her soft voice.

"I-I-I-I," Shinji's brain felt like it had derailed. 

"Yes," he finally said, gathering enough courage to state this without stuttering.

"Do you not want to touch? I have read that people who like each other touch," she looked at him strangely. "You-You like me?" Shinji asked in disbelief. 

Maybe this'll be the luckiest day of my life instead of the most embarrassing...maybe both he thought.

"Yes," Rei said, touching Shinji's cheek once again.

Shinji stared at her for a long time. The feel of her hand on his cheek sent tingles down his spine. 

Shinji closed his eyes and leaned in. For the second time in their life, the two teenagers kissed.

It was a short, deep kiss that lasted about ten seconds.

Shinji put his hand in her blue hair and smiled.

They both fell asleep in that embrace.

Author Notes: Well...sorry that took so long. I hope you liked it. I did stray farther from the manga. In fact, I only had a couple minor parts in there from the manga. The Shinji/Rei relationship is developing nicely, I think. Chapter Five will be out soon enough. Please keep watching this series. It gets interesting.

NEXT CHAPTER: JUST FRIENDS 


	5. Just Friends

Disclaimer: I don't own much of anything…especially any part of EVA…well…except for the whole 'masochistic' thing…

Sorry to say, that last part of the fourth chapter was NOT a dream. This is a Shinji/Rei fic, remember, and it needs to be a little OOC. Anyways…on with the show…

Thingies are character thoughts.

CHAPTER FIVE: JUST FRIENDS

~~~

Ritsuko slowly walked down the brightly lit hallway, flanked by Misato, Kaji, and Asuka.  

"Why did the cameras go out?" Asuka whined, keeping a fast pace next to the three adults.

"It was just a malfunction. I don't believe Shinji or Rei had anything to do with it," Ritsuko said coolly, sipping her coffee from the NERV mug in her hands. 

The four of them stopped when they reached the gray, metallic door to the apartment number thirteen.

"Um…should we knock first?" Kaji asked, winking at Misato and grinning mischievously. 

"I don't believe that the two of them are doing ANYTHING but sleeping," Ritsuko said before Misato exploded. Her purple hair seemed to be smoking and Kaji backed away. 

Ritsuko was only half right…

The door opened as Misato swiped her I.D. card in a slot to the right of the door. It creaked and revealed a dimly lit room. 

Ritsuko closed her eyes and took a sip of her hot, steaming coffee before opening them again to look into the room.

"…"

"OH MY GOD!" Asuka yelled as her cheeks reddened and her eyes widened. She pointed at the bed where Shinji and Rei lay together in the same embrace they had fallen asleep in. Shinji had boxers on, but Rei was completely nude.

Ritsuko spit the hot coffee from her mouth and it all ended up on Misato's face. Kaji chuckled and pointed at Misato, biting his lip so he wouldn't burst out laughing. He seemed completely unaware, or uncaring of the situation before him.

"Oh…good morning Major Katsuragi, Doctor Akagi, Mr. Kaji, Miss Soryu," Rei said emotionlessly as her crimson eyes fluttered open and focused on the people in front of her. 

"MAJOR!?" Shinji yelled, jumping out of the bed and turning to face his surrogate mother.

"M-Misato, I can explain!" he stuttered, his cheeks burning more than they had ever burned before. 

"Shut up Shinji! I don't want to hear it. Ritsuko, see to it that Rei gets a pregnancy test immediately. The last thing we need is a pregnant pilot," Misato ordered angrily. 

"We did not have sexual intercourse Major," Rei said coolly. Her calm voice seemed out of place in the tense environment. 

"How the hell do we know that!? We must be sure! I came into a room with two teenagers laying in bed together, sound asleep without any clothes on! Now GO!" Misato screamed, pointing to the door.

Rei followed Ritsuko out, and utterly careless look upon her face.

Shinji turned to see Asuka fuming right next to him. Uh oh! She's gonna explode! he thought, trying to turn and run.

"Ow!" Shinji exclaimed as Asuka's fist met his face. The redhead yelled several curses in German and stormed off. 

Shinji sat up after the attack was over and looked over at the purple haired woman to his right. 

She looked so pissed, Shinji was afraid her head would pop. 

"Shinji…there are a lot of things I could say to you now, but I'll only say this: I'm VERY disappointed in you…" she finished, trying to maintain her cool and not haul off and smack him. 

"You don't know what happened," Shinji said as he pulled his pants on, followed by his shirt. 

"I can guess," Misato replied coldly. Her eyes narrowed and she ignored Kaji's giggling. 

"Whatever," Shinji said as he neatened his uniform and pulled a tie on.

"Yes, whatever! Now get your ass to school!" Misato yelled, her face turning red in fury.

Kaji was laughing the whole time in the background.

"Way to go," he whispered to Shinji as he passed by.

Shinji couldn't help but smile as he heard a large THAWP sound followed by an "Ow."

~~~

School was school. Boring as can be as the students' teacher droned on about the second impact and it's affects on today's culture.

Asuka looked ready to explode again. She had to keep herself from getting up and hitting Shinji right in his face.

Everyone else was pointing and whispering at Shinji. Giggling erupted from some of the girls as notes were passed.

Rei wasn't there. She was off taking that test.

Shinji guessed the rest of the students already knew about Rei and himself. His cheeks reddened as he felt the stares of several eyes on the back of his neck. The hair on his neck prickled up and felt really weird as he tried to ignore the class.

Despite his embarrassment, Shinji's eyes began to close like lead-weights. He was soon dreaming an extremely odd dream.

[DREAM]

Shinji was sitting in his room with a pair of scissors in his hand. They were sharp and gleaming like teeth.

He slowly took the scissors and brought them across his soft skin. The blades ripped the flesh cleanly and left a trail of blood running down his arm. 

He took the scissors into his hand again, but this time, he brought them straight down into his skin.

"AH!" Shinji yelped, opening his eyes and falling out of his seat. Everyone in class looked up.

"Sorry…" Shinji muttered, getting back into his seat and becoming as small as possible. 

~~~

Rei wasn't at school as the final bell rang.

Shinji began to worry and ended up hurrying to NERV headquarters as fast as his legs would carry him.

Dust from the streets rose up behind him as his shoes clanked against the boring road.

The door opened as Shinji's NERV I.D. card was swiped through the security check. He stepped inside and hurried down the hallways.

They were brightly lit and tightly packed. His feet carried him to the main tactics room where several people were hustling about.

"What's going on?" Shinji asked the nearest person to him, who happened to be Dr. Akagi. 

 "I'm glad you're here. I'm trying a new system that test pilot to Eva compatibility. You'll be getting in unit-00 as soon as you're ready," Ritsuko replied, turning around to face the boy.

Her eyes flashed toward his cuts, but moved back to his face faster than he could notice.

~~~

Rei sat inside Unit-01 tensely. The LCL had saturated her and she sat with a frown.

"What's it like Rei? To be back inside 01?" Ritsuko asked over the com link. The blonde doctor had a certain sarcasm in her voice. 

"Smells like Ikari," Rei replied nonchalantly. She just waited for the test to start, but jumped as a vision of herself passed before her eyes. It was a vivid memory of the first time she had kissed with Shinji.

"Are you worth anything to him?" a cold voice asked.

"Who was that?" Rei asked blandly.

"Am I loved?" her own voice asked, though Rei did not move her mouth.

"What is my purpose?" the voice continued. Rei didn't answer. It all seemed to weird for her. Talking to myself… she thought dryly. 

"It will be revealed in time," came Commander Ikari's voice. 

A vision of herself again came into view. She was staring out the window in the school classroom. She soon realized that it was from someone else's point of view. Her field of view switched down to the laptop. In the reflection, she saw Shinji Ikari's face. The view moved back over to herself.

This is so weird… she thought. The voice that vocalized her thoughts almost sounded bland.

She suddenly felt a feeling. A feeling close to desire. She realized that this was what Shinji had felt while looking at her. It was a powerful feeling, though it wasn't filled with lust. She had felt this for Ikari many times before…

~~~

"Okay, Shinji. Are you ready?" Dr. Akagi asked the third child, who was now sitting in the metallic entry plug of Unit-00. 

"Yes," he replied. He was grasping the control yokes and tensed as the plug filled with LCL. This smells so much like blood… he thought, holding his breathe as the orange liquid filled up to his head. He was soon completely saturated in it.

"Activate Eva Unit-00!" Ritsuko ordered. Shinji felt the strange Eva start up and felt himself start to synch with the behemoth. 

Shinji suddenly jerked, arching his back quickly and crying out. And image of an angry Commander Ikari flashed through his mind. His features were lit by low light and dramatically increased his anger. His brow was furrowed and his lips curled down into a frown.

Shinji tried to cry out for help, but his voice came out in a high pitched, girls voice. 

"Please stop!" he whined, recognizing the voice as Rei's. What's going on? I'm talking…but…my voice is Rei's voice… he thought, utterly confused.

Shinji began to twitch inside entry plug. His eyes rolled into his head and he convulsed in short, jerky motions.

Now there was a woman charging after him. She tackled him and began to brutally choke him. A burning sensation filled him as the oxygen to his brain was cut off. He felt himself go limp and felt his nerve endings numbing. 

"Please stop Doctor…" he pleaded, but the voice came out as a younger version of Rei's. 

Life started to slip away from Shinji's conscious grasp. His mind grabbing at every disappearing light of life. His vision started to go purplish and he opened his mouth to scream, but only heard a high-pitched, guttural cry of a dying girl.

"Die you blue haired bitch!" the doctor said. She resembled Dr. Akagi greatly. Blue haired…Rei?…

Shinji blacked out.

~~~

There was something shaggy on Shinji's chest. His eyes slowly opened, focusing on the ceiling. I recognize this place…the hospital… Shinji thought in disgust. His blue eyes slowly scanned the room until they came to the mop of blue fluff on his chest. Rei had fallen asleep at his side and her head had fallen onto his torso.

A smile graced Shinji's features and he stretched out a shaking hand. He was considering brushing his hand against her cheek. His trembling hand reached out further, and before he knew it, his fingers were gently brushing across her pale, soft cheek.

Her eyes fluttered open, getting passed the blurriness and focusing on Shinji's face. They both froze for a minute, unable to speak in fear of making a fool of themselves. 

Eventually, Rei pulled her head off Shinji's chest and Shinji's shaking hand fell from her cheek back to his bedside.

"Hi," Shinji said finally, his voice nervous and shaky. Rei stared at him for a moment, her fingers tracing the spot where Shinji had touched her cheek.

"Hello…Ikari…" Rei replied, looking at her fingers as she drew them away from her cheek. An incredible burning sensation was creeping through both of their bodies.

Rei stared into Shinji's eyes; her sunset colored pupils clashing with Shinji's blue ones. She suddenly reached out her hand and clasped Shinji's in her own.

"What were you doing just a minute ago?" she asked curiously, pulling his hand to her face. As his trembling fingers brushed against her cheek, she felt a hot sensation pass through her.

"T-this?" Shinji stuttered, scared and shaking from his now physical interaction with the first child.

Rei closed her eyes and savored the feeling. It wasn't going to last long, however, for Misato chose that moment to walk into the room.

Shinji quickly withdrew his hand from Rei's cheek and turned bright red, his eyes watching Misato intently.

"Am I interrupting anything?" she asked almost dangerously. She crossed her arms in front of her and looked at the two teenagers, her eyebrow cocked.

"N-no," Shinji stuttered, not wanting to get into more trouble with his surrogate mother.

"I have an apology to make. We tested Rei and found she was not pregnant…in fact…we found that Rei had not even had any form of sexual intercourse…" Misato said quietly, guilt passing through her. She had screamed at Shinji for no reason.

"I told you…" Shinji finally said, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I know…but I cannot trust the instincts of teenagers…believe me…many people trusted my instincts…hehehe…that wasn't wise," she giggled, thinking back to her own middle school and high school days.

Neither teenager reacted to her comment. I didn't need to know that… Shinji thought, shivering mentally.

"Anyway…I'll leave you two alone. Shinji, you should be able to leave the hospital tomorrow morning," she said, her cheeks turning red from what she had said earlier. She turned and briskly walked from the room, trying to escape further embarrassment.

Shinji sighed and turned back to face the blue haired girl at his side. She was staring at him intently, almost trying to see inside him.

"H-how are you?" he asked shyly, wanting to get a conversation started between them.

"Fine," she replied simply, still staring into his eyes, drowning in their deepness. 

After a long, awkward silence, Rei finally broke her gaze.

"I must go," she said, standing up and walking toward the door, trying not to look back and lose herself in Shinji's eyes. She also did not want him to see that her cheeks were red.

"Goodbye," Shinji said sadly. He did not want her to leave. He felt they had so much more to talk about…

"We will talk later," Rei said, almost as if she had read his thoughts. She turned and opened the door, escaping into the hallway, the door shutting loudly behind her. 

Shinji thought for maybe two more hours about the enigmatic first child, his mind wondering over everything about her…Where is my relationship going with her?… he asked himself.

His eyes wondered over scissors to his right, but he just turned over and went to sleep, ignoring the overwhelming urge to hurt himself. Not now…there are cameras here…

What Shinji did not know, was that there had always been cameras.

  
~~~

BRING 

****

"Ikari."

"Commander…we have a problem."

"What is it now Akagi?"

"Shinji is hurting himself on purpose."

"…Deal with it…get him to a counselor if needed…"

"Yes sir…"

"Anything else?"

"No sir"

CLICK 

****

"…"

~~~

Shinji awoke the next morning to see several doctors gathered around him. Each one was in a white coat with nametags on the collar. Shinji didn't bother to find out who they were.

"We just want to ask you some questions before we let you go," one of the doctors said. He had brown hair.

"Okay…" Shinji replied, racking his brain to get ready for answering the questions.

"What happened in the plug?" a blonde male doctor asked. They all had clipboards. Shinji felt like he was in a job interview.

Shinji tried to remember what had happened. He remembered everything up until Ritsuko had yelled, 'Activate'…everything after that was blank.

"A flash…and then…nothing…" Shinji said, still running through it in his head.

"Are you sure?" the brown haired doctor asked, somewhat disappointed. 

"Yes," Shinji replied confidently, he was sure he couldn't remember and that pissed him off a little. 

"That'll be all Shinji. You may go to school now," the blonde male said, sighing and writing something on his clipboard.

Shinji stood up and pulled his usual school uniform on. I need some new clothes… he thought. I need a new brain…maybe I could **remember **something… he added sadly.

His wary feet slowly carried him down the bright, crowded halls of the hospital and out onto the streets of Tokyo-3. He walked slowly in the general direction of his school, his brain still going over his memory. Why can't I remember? he thought, concentrating on it so much, he hadn't realized when he reached the school.

Only when he walked into the door did he realize where he was. He blushed and looked around. No one here…phew… he shook his head and walked inside, letting the door fall back loudly behind him.

He walked down the light hallway and to his room. He entered as the Sensei was starting his Second Impact speech again. No one looked up.

Shinji took his seat and immediately looked over at Ayanami. She was looking out the window, lost in thought.

Shinji looked back to his desk and began to space off. Sleep caressing his eyes and gently dragging them down. 

  
Shinji's head hit his desk and it snapped him back to reality. Thirty minutes had passed and the bell was about to ring. Come on…ring! he thought angrily as he stared at the clock, bending all his will on the minute hand.

RING 

****

Shinji jumped up and walked over to his friends: Toji and Kensuke.

"Hey buddie! I heard you got a piece of Ayanami…way ta go!" Toji teased, elbowing Shinji in the side.

A couple of people nearby snorted.

"God dammit! No I didn't! We are **JUST FRIENDS!** They even tested Ayanami and found we didn't!" Shinji screamed. Everyone in the class turned and stared at him. Shit…

Shinji would not have been surprised if the whole school had heard, but, most important of all, Rei had heard.

She didn't act like she had even noticed Shinji's presence. She just stared straight forward, hurting on the inside.

Shinji hurried over to her and sat down beside her, wanting to clear things up once and for all.

She looked up at him with those big, hollow crimson eyes and Shinji thought he saw hurt. 

"We need to talk," he said quietly, reaching out to touch her shoulder.

"What about?" Rei asked nonchalantly. 

"About you and me," Shinji replied desperately.

"I already heard you say we are just friends. What else is there to discuss?" she asked, hurt now clearly ringing in her voice.

"I like you a lot. More than a friend. I don't want to be 'just friends'," the first child said, inching closer to the albino girl.

Rei's red eyes met Shinji's blue ones.

"What am I to you? Tell me right here, right now," Rei said, her eyes sparkling.

"I…you…uh…" Shinji stuttered. GOD!!! I need to stop being such a WUSS!!! he screamed at himself in his head.

"I…you are important to me…and…I want us to be more than friends…b-boyfriend…and g-girlfriend…" Shinji stuttered, finally forcing himself to be a man and say it.

There was a long silence. Rei studied Shinji intently. 

The two teens began to lean in again. Readying their lips for a kiss. The whole cafeteria was watching intently.

Their lips met and they engaged in a brief, deep kiss. Pulling back, Shinji blushed furiously. 

"We'll talk," Shinji said more confidently, turning and jogging for the door. 

"Okay…" Rei said into thin air. She didn't smile; she didn't want to smile in front of everyone.

She turned her attention back to her food and everyone in the lunchroom broke into cheering. 

Continued………………………

Authors Notes: Hey, sorry it took so long for this chapter…I was working on other stories as well…anyway…not a whole lot to say about it…Oh…btw…sorry to lynx…I haven't been thanking him…he is my pre-reader and he rocks! Thanks, man.

Next Chapter: Void


	6. Void

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion…

Alrighty then…this is as far as I've got written down in my notebook, so I'll be improvising in the next chapter. I hope you like this one. I'll try to be more descriptive and all that stuff….Oh, and there is one last part taken from the manga in here…so don't sue me…

There is a really WAFFY part between Rei and Shinji and some sexual content…

You know the key…

CHAPTER SIX: VOID

~~~

Kaji stepped out of the navy blue jeep, followed by Misato and Ritsuko. It was nine pm and they were in the parking lot of Kaji's favorite bar/restaurant, the Bolero. 

The moon shone bright, high above the earth, it's silver rays hitting the black asphalt and bouncing off, illuminating the rows of shiny cars. Kaji's eyes just happened to pass over Misato's face at the exact moment when the moon had bent all its glimmering rays toward her eyes. Beautiful… he thought.

"Come on," Kaji said sadly, leading the two ladies toward the building. 

It was one story tall with big, shiny windows. There were wine glasses and cherries painted onto all sides of the building, 'The Bolero' shining brightly from a sign hanging above the doorway.

As Kaji reached the door, he grabbed for the handle and opened it widely for the two women behind him. Ritsuko smiled and uttered a friendly, 'thank you', but Misato only grumbled and pushed passed. Damn…not a very good start…

The inside was bright and bustling. The walls were painted white, the floor carpeted in a dark shade of blue. The ceiling was white and hanging with extravagant chandeliers, their crystal lights glimmering.

Kaji led Ritsuko and Misato through rows of hard wood tables and to a booth situated in the corner of the building, away from most of the other tables. He took a seat opposite Ritsuko and Misato.

"I hope I have a good time tonight…for your sake," Misato said grumpily to Kaji. Her purple hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail and she had bright red lipstick on. Adorning a bright purple dress, Misato looked truly gorgeous in Kaji's eyes.

Kaji sighed and shifted his gaze to Akagi. She was wearing a white dress and had her blonde hair done the normal way she wore it. Her lips were covered with a dark purple lipstick and she wore large hoop earrings. 

"I need to use the restroom," Misato said impatiently, getting up from the booth and making her way across the room toward the door that read, 'Ladies'. 

Kaji sighed again and pushed out the noise of all the other people sitting around him. He ran his hand through his hair and pulled out a cigarette. Fishing for his lighter, he looked back up at Ritsuko, who seemed to be fairly happy about something.

"What?" Kaji asked, finally finding his silver lighter and flicking the orange flame on. He lit his cigarette and inhaled a deep puff, putting the lighter away.

"Don't give up yet," Ritsuko said, referring to Kaji's situation with Misato.  She still had that content look upon her face.

"Why not?" Kaji asked helplessly, taking the cigarette out of his mouth and exhaling a large puff of smoke. It floated into the air before being sucked up by some air-cleaning device stuck into the ceiling. 

"Because she still likes you. She's just playing tough girl and not showing it yet," Ritsuko replied, turning and looking around the room to make sure no one was in earshot.

"Really?" Kaji asked excitedly, forgetting about the cigarette in his hand. He let it burn idly, spreading its toxin into the air. 

"Yes, but I have something else to say…Stay away from NERV's…more delicate matters…or you'll regret it," the blonde said, taking out a pocket mirror and adjusting her makeup.

Kaji nodded and brought the death stick back to his mouth, inhaling deeply from it again, not really paying attention to Ritsuko's rather subtle warning.

Misato appeared again, walking back through the rows of tables and seating herself next Ritsuko again. She deliberately avoided Kaji's gaze.

"May I take your orders?" a waiter asked. He had weaved his way through the people and made it to the three NERV employees. 

He was tall and appeared about nineteen. His hair was short and brown, his eyes a bright green color. Two silver rings adorned his left ear.

"Oh yea…sure…I'll have a Yebisu and…" Misato said. Kaji didn't catch the rest of her order. He just spaced off, thinking about what he would say to Misato. I'm still in love with you, can we just start over? No…that won't work… he kept thinking. 

***

After all their food was finished and Misato had become plastered, Kaji felt it was time to head out. He nodded to Akagi and together, Kaji and Ritsuko led a severely drunken Misato to Kaji's jeep.

She fell into the soft leather seats and hummed stupidly as she watched all the lights passing.

"Aren't you going to get in?" Kaji asked Ritsuko, who had begun to walk away. She turned and shook her head at him, a very solemn look upon her face. She headed in the general direction of Gendo Ikari's residence, but Kaji didn't notice. 

Kaji drove off; his jeep carrying the two adults passed several dull buildings. Tokyo-3 at night was not much more exciting than in the morning and afternoon. It was just as dull and just as boring.

There was silence except for the low humming of the engine and Misato's drunken slurs. She yawned and closed her eyes, quickly falling asleep. Just twenty more minutes until I'll have to dump Misato at her apartment… Kaji thought. He put on some soft jazz music and put his full attention on the empty road.

As Kaji finally pulled up to the apartment, he stopped the car in a parking lot and looked wistfully at Misato. She was still sleeping, a little rivulet of drool escaping the side of her mouth.

Kaji chuckled slightly and picked her up into his arms. She opened her eyes and blinked several times. As Kaji set her down on the ground again, she stumbled and almost fell to the ground. She would have smashed her face if it weren't for Kaji.

Kaji bent low and took Misato onto his back, giving her a piggyback ride to a nearby bench. 

"You need some fresh air," Kaji said, sitting her down on the bench and standing next to her, lighting up another cigarette. 

"This's…b'yond pathetic…you takin' care of me…" Misato mumbled, a bit more sober than before, but still quite drunk. 

"Oh no, it's just like old times…you drank…you got a piggyback ride," Kaji replied, grinning distantly as memories flooded back into his mind.

The bench was wooden and painted dark red, little flakes of paint peeling off here and there. The moonlight was shining down upon the two adults.

"Don't dump me off…like I dumped you…" Misato said after a long and awkward silence. She looked at the ground, sobering up every second of the conversation.

"It did come as a shock. Now, why bring that up? Though I guess it was my fault in the end," Kaji said, putting his cigarette out and lighting another one.

"Where ya…trying t'see how much y'could cheat…before I hated you?" Misato asked, her shoulder slumping even more. 

"No…you were…special…" Kaji said, a grin spreading across his face. He turned to Misato, but saw that she had no change in posture.

"Liar," she said quietly. Kaji's grin disappeared and he looked at the purple haired woman sadly.

"You were never serious 'bout anyone…not that I was neither…" Misato continued, looking at the sky, tears starting to form at her eyes.

"What are you talking about? Your drunk," Kaji said, hurt showing in his voice as if it had been written all over it in bold pink marker.

"You weren't really lookin' at me…or any of those other girls…you were lookin' at something else…and then…once I realized…no matter how long we were together, you would never love me…like you meant it…" Misato drew her hand to her cheek and wiped a single tear. 

Kaji pulled his cigarette from his mouth and dropped it to the floor.

"Misato?" he said quietly, sitting next to the woman.

"I told you about my father right? He never loved us like he meant it. It was always work first. My mother was always crying…but…one day…he died for me…" said Misato. She mentally relived that memory. Her father putting her into the capsule…the explosion…

"The Second Impact…" Kaji said.

"Kaji…you look a little like my father…" Misato said sadly. Kaji gently pulled Misato's face toward his and leaned in. And it happened…Kaji and Misato…kissed…

***

In the morning, Kaji slowly slipped out of Misato's bed and out of her apartment. The crisp morning air had no effect on Kaji's foreboding feelings.

He made his way to NERV headquarters and slid in the door. The hallway was dark, the lights not yet on. There was a thick shadow to his right.

"Hello Kaji," said the man from the shadows. He was Kaji's informant. 

"What have you gotten for me?" Kaji asked impatiently. 

"All of the businesses supposedly backing Eva and Marduk have so far turned out to be fronts. The next one you find probably won't be any different," the man said. His voice sounded deep and calm.

Suddenly, to Kaji's left, there was a small squeak and then the clicking of boots running against the polished floor. 

"I got him," Kaji said, pulling a sleek looking black Beretta 9mm out of his jacket pocket. He ran down the dark corridor, following the footsteps until he came into an area lit by a nearby window. 

There was a frightened security guard standing, trying to find a way to go. He was trapped.

Kaji aimed the gun at the guard's legs and pulled the trigger twice, once for each leg.

The man fell to the ground in a yelp of pain and lay, panting on the ground. Kaji walked to the guards side and looked down into the frightened face.

"I'm sorry…goodnight," Kaji said as he aimed at the man's face and pulled the trigger. 

The round sounded loud in the cold dark of the hallway. The man's panting immediately stopped and a pool of blood formed around the body. And the guard would never see his family again…

***

Shinji slowly brought the knife to his arm. His body ached for the pain. The blade gleamed dangerously in the fluorescent lighting.

Pain gripped his nerves as the knife tore cleanly through the skin, red blood spilling down his arm. The red fluid pattered into the white sink and soon, the knife clattered into the porcelain sink too.

Shinji quickly washed all the blood from the knife and his arm, the crimson fluid spinning in circles before disappearing down the drain. 

Rei will be back any moment now… Shinji thought, putting the knife away in the dishwasher before turning around.

The room was dim with white walls and a plain white carpet. The TV was off and everything else seemed to just gather dust.

Shinji heard the door open and close and heard slow footsteps. He ran to greet Rei…

The blue haired girl was putting her books into a drawer when Shinji walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist. A rather bold move, but Shinji and Rei had grown quite close since their encounter in the lunchroom.

"Hello Ikari," Rei said evenly, not fighting Shinji's embrace. Her lips almost curled into a smile, but her eyes definitely lit up considerably. 

"You can call me Shinji, you know," Shinji said smiling. He let go of Rei and she turned to face him.

"Okay…Shinji," Rei said awkwardly. She stared into Shinji deep eyes and tried to ignore the battle going on inside her. What is this feeling?! Why can I not tell what it is? she thought. It annoyed her that she could not name the feeling of warmth she felt toward Shinji. 

Shinji forced himself, despite his nerves, to move closer to Rei. He was trembling now, the general shake he got around girls.

She kept looking on, observing what he was doing. Her emotionless mask had disappeared. Around Shinji, she no longer used that look of indifference. On her face now was a look of curiosity and of desire.

Shinji hesitated slightly, his fear now threatening to overtake him. But Rei helped him by making the first move. She opened her lips and leaned forward. The two teens lips met yet again and this time, Shinji's tongue instinctively shot into Rei's mouth. 

Rei pulled back, wondering what had just happened. She looked at Shinji's red face and saw shame. He was embarrassed for what he just did.

"What was that?" Rei asked, no anger showing in her voice. Only curiosity was present in her face and voice.

"I…uh…it was…a…f-french kiss…" Shinji muttered, looking at the ground. He felt his stomach bottom out and knew he could not run away.

"Hmm…" Rei surveyed Shinji for a while, her crimson eyes were wondering over his downcast face.

"It was enjoyable," she said finally, a slight, angelic smile passing over her features. She leaned in again and kissed Shinji, this time her own tongue shooting into Shinji's mouth.

Shinji felt his embarrassment give way to enjoyment and he ran his fingers through Rei's hair. She soon pulled away, however, but the honest smile was still upon her face. 

Shinji felt his heart beating faster than ever before and felt a slight sweat break out over his brow.

The two teenagers sat on a bed, turning the TV on. Shinji put his shaky arms around Rei and Rei rested her head on Shinji's shoulder.

RING 

****

"Ikari." 

"We have another problem."

"What is it this time Akagi?"

"Well…Shinji and Rei are in a relationship…"

"Emotional?"

"Yes. They have strong feelings for one another."

"We'll have to fix that."

"And Commander?"

"What?"

"A security guard has gone missing…we suspect Kaji…"

"Have the third move in with Kaji…That'll slow his prying down…"

"Yes sir."

CLICK 

****

"…"

Shinji sat in 01 with the control yokes in his hands. The dull gray chamber was just draining of LCL. The strange orange liquid smelled of blood….

"Good job Shinji! 70.345% synch ratio! Rei, yours is at 68.948%…Asuka…" Ritsuko trailed off.

"What? What is it?" Asuka asked, almost begging.

  
"52%…" Misato said over the link. Her voice was quiet and even. Asuka's pride had just taken quite a bashing.

Shinji's entry plug opened and he felt that familiar feeling of disorientation for a moment. As his sense of direction became steadily clearer, he could see Asuka standing, tears streaming down her face.

As Shinji stepped out, Asuka shot him a look of pure hatred and venom. It pierced him harder than any of her insults and she ran off to the changing room, her sobs filling the hallway.

Shinji hurried after her, running down the hallway lit only by a couple flickering lights. He turned the corner and made his way into the locker room. 

It was small and had two sides separated by a gray curtain. The tiled floor slanted downhill into a drain. Asuka was standing, pummeling a locker.

"Asuka…I'm sure it'll go down in a few days…" Shinji told the crying redhead. She looked at him with all the hate she could muster. Just a stupid idiot! her head screamed.

"You don't know anything! ANYTHING! You hear me!?" She clenched her fists at her side. 

"Eva is my life! I work goddamn hard! You didn't do a fucking thing and you beat me! You know how that feels!? To be beaten by a fucked up selfish asshole and his puppet whore girlfriend?!" She screamed in his face, choking back more tears.

"I-I'm sorry…" Shinji muttered, looking at the ground. Asuka stared at him in disgust and walked off, not bothering to remove her plug-suit. 

"Shinji?" Shinji turned to see Rei and Misato staring in surprise. Shinji looked at the ground and shrugged. He walked to the boy's side of the locker room to remove his plug-suit. 

Misato shrugged and Rei walked over to join Shinji.

***

"The angel arrives tomorrow Shinji…Be ready to take the point position," Ritsuko said. Shinji nodded solemnly and took Rei's hand in his.

The blue haired girl stared down at his hand. Warmth passed over her. Is…is this…l-love? she thought.

"This will be your last night in the apartment with Rei, then you will move in with Kaji," Ritsuko said, her face not changing.

Misato and Shinji gasped in disbelief. 

"WHAT!? What about Misato?" Shinji cried, not believing that he would not move back into Misato's apartment. It wasn't that he didn't like Kaji, no…Kaji was cool but Misato was like his mother.

"Commander's orders…" Ritsuko said, turning her back to the three people and walking away without another word.

Shinji turned to look at Misato, the same look of disbelief on her face. They looked at each other for a while before Shinji hugged her tightly, crying into her shoulder.

"Hey, hey…it's okay…we'll still see each other at work and stuff," Misato said reassuringly, patting Shinji's back, though she didn't sound to enthusiastic.

"I know…I just…Misato…you have been the closest I've ever had to a mother…" Shinji said, wiping his tears and looking into his surrogate mother's face.

"Thank you Shinji…I tried my best," she replied, smiling and blinking back the tear that had formed at the corner of her eye.  

Shinji hung his head and turned to the door, pulling it open and leaving with Rei at his side. The two walked to the monorail and took it to their apartment…

***

Rei was lounging around the apartment in her undergarments. Shinji sputtered when he emerged from the bathroom and saw her. 

"What's wrong Shinji?" she asked, totally oblivious to the cause of his discomfort.

"N-nothing…" he muttered as he took a seat next to her. He felt a sudden surge of warmth. The same feeling he associated with love. Although he had never really thought about it before, he felt an undying passion for Rei…an ongoing love like he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her.

As Shinji sat, soaking in his new discovery, Rei sat observing him, feeling the exact same feelings. As Shinji's gaze lifted and locked with Rei's, they both felt the sudden urge to share their feelings, in the hope that the other might understand.

"Shinji…I || Rei I…" They both stopped as they tried to speak at the same time.

"Go ahead Shinji," Rei said quietly. She sat, waiting intently on what he had wanted to say.

"Rei…whenever I'm around you…I get this warm feeling…you…make me happy Rei…happier than anyone has ever made me…ever…" Shinji said slowly, carefully choosing his words.

"Shinji… I feel the same way," Rei said, sighing in relief that Shinji could understand. She smiled at him, trying to pinpoint the word for the feeling.

"Rei…I know we've really not been serious until just recently…but Rei…I love you," Shinji said, blushing and looking into Rei's sunset eyes.

Rei looked at him, her calm demeanor unwavering. She reached her hand out and touched Shinji's cheek. That's what I feel…love…strange that I could not tell before… she thought.

"Shinji…I love you too…" Rei said finally, her voice calm. She leaned in and kissed Shinji lightly, before pulling away and smiling at him.

"You're beautiful…" Shinji said breathlessly as the realization hit him. She had the most angelic smile he had ever seen and her eyes just sparkled. He loved Rei…and she loved him…

Shinji pulled her delicate body into his arms and kissed her again. The kiss didn't last very long, for Shinji pulled away to watch his hand.  

He summoned all his courage to make his hand gently make its way down Rei bare belly toward her panties. He had seen this maneuver in an adult-movie Toji had once gotten hold of. The girl had apparently liked it. 

Shinji was now shaking badly, but didn't stop. He gulped back fear and slipped his hand totally into Rei's panties.

Her breathing came harder than he had ever heard it….

"I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM!!!" Misato yelled as she watched the TV screen. It showed everything that Shinji and Rei were doing. Though they were not having sexual intercourse, this was something that the two were not supposed to be doing.

"Calm down…he's no longer your charge…" Ritsuko said somberly, turning the screen off in disgust. Misato looked sad for a moment before turning and walking out.

Ritsuko picked up her cell phone.

"Commander? We have another problem with Shinji and Rei…"

***

Shinji jumped as the angel alarm sounded. Rei had been sleeping in his arms. They had not had sex, but had had to force themselves not to.

"The angel!" Shinji yelled. The angel was a whole day earlier than NERV had predicted.

The two teens jumped and pulled on their school uniforms. They hopped around, pulling on socks and shoes and then rushed for the door.

As the two reached the locker rooms, they didn't even bother to pull the curtains as they hurriedly dressed into their tight plug suits.

Shinji rushed towards the door, but tripped and fell. He got back up with a grunt and rubbed his bloody lip as he charged for the Eva cages. 

Shinji jumped into the entry plug for 01 and awaited for the LCL to fill the capsule.

"Activating 01 and 00," Maya said over the communications link. Shinji saw the glittering orange liquid fall into the gray tube and felt its coolness crawl up his body.

As the Evas activated, Shinji saw the Eva cages come into his view. He gripped the control yokes and willed the large Eva to walk for the elevators, which would carry him to the surface.

As the elevator shot Rei and Shinji to the surface, they saw 02 were waiting for 01 to take the point position instead of taking it herself.

Asuka didn't say anything. Shinji walked into the lead and willed the Eva to walk forward. 02 and 00 followed patiently. 

"Shinji. Remember that this is the angel from the training. Try and fire a few riffle rounds into it from afar. If that doesn't work, we'll have to see about Progressive Knives," Misato said over the comm Link.  

Shinji nodded and gritted his teeth, looking to his left. A machine gun shot out of the ground from some sort of NERV elevator. Shinji willed 01 to pick it up into its hands and aim at the angel.

The angel was a sphere of black and white. It was odd and it just hovered above the ground about a hundred meters to Shinji's left.

Shinji willed 01 to pull the trigger and saw the bullets disappear into the sphere, but it suddenly faded. ****

"Wha?" Shinji whined, looking around. The angel was nowhere in sight.

"Shinji! Watch out!" Rei yelled. Shinji saw 00 look toward Shinji's feet. And Shinji suddenly felt it. A tugging at his lower region. 

He felt his stomach bottom out and he looked down and saw that 01 was going to be swallowed up by a void, taking Shinji with it.

"NO! REI!" Shinji screamed, flailing his Evas arms, not able to move its feet.

"SHINJI!" Rei and Asuka yelled at the same time, trying to grip 01s hands. But 01 was already down passed its waist and slipping faster every second.

"What do we do major?!" Maya yelled to the purple haired woman next to her.

"…" Misato watched as 01 disappeared totally.

"DAMMIT!" Asuka yelled. Rei just stared…

Continued….

Authors Notes: I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks to Lynx, my pre-reader…


	7. Father Figure

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion…

Okay… I stopped working on all the other stories temporarily to work on this… But I'll get back to working on the others later… anyway… this story contains Violence, language, and sexuality… yada yada yada…

And yes, Rei is a tad bit OOC in this chapter… but it has to be like this…

On with the show…

Story Title: Masochistic

By: Mosher-24

Chapter Seven: Father Figure

***

Rei sat with every muscle in her body tensed. Asuka was pacing and Misato was biting her thumbnail. 

Asuka mumbled some inaudible German curse word and hit the wall. Her auburn hair fluttered out behind her as she spun around and began pacing again. 

Misato's purple hair was frizzy and dismantled after several hours of monitoring the angel and getting nothing. She sighed and continued to chew on her nails.

Rei just stared at the screen showing the angel. She couldn't believe that an angel had finally beaten the man she loved. I can't think like that… Shinji will find a way out… she scolded herself. Even the voice in her head was calm and controlled. 

Ritsuko was busily whispering with Maya about what to do. Their quiet voices even rivaled Rei's. Maya had closed her eyes and a slight tear formed at her cheek.

"Goddammit! I can't take this anymore! Any plan yet?!" Asuka yelled, slamming her fist into another wall. Ritsuko turned and looked at everyone with a sad look on her face.

"…Yes…" she answered quietly. 

***

Shinji sat with his head in his hands. He had long ago lost track of time. He estimated that his EVA only had a few more hours of power before Shinji would die…

"No… I can't think like that… I won't die… there's so much left… for me…" he put his head in his hands. Even his own voice didn't convince him. 

The LCL had begun to get somewhat stale and it was harder to move around in. Shinji breathed a sigh and the air from his mouth turned into a bubble in the pod of the strange orange liquid. Rei… Shinji's thoughts slowly turned to his girlfriend.

"This sucks…" he thought out loud. He activated his external cameras, but quickly shut them down because of how bright it was outside. He held his eyes and laid back. "Only a few more hours until it looses power… just great…" Shinji said as he closed his eyes. Sleep crept up on him silently, and he fell to unconsciousness.

***

"You call that a plan?!" Asuka screamed at Ritsuko. Her blue eyes seemed to have a fire in them and her voice was pure venom.

"It's all we've got!" Ritsuko retorted, angry herself. She wasn't angry at Asuka though, she was angry that she could not come up with anything else.

"You know… Shinji will die," Misato said quietly, biting her nail and fighting back the tears in her eyes. She knew it was the only choice.

"I know…" Ritsuko replied, even quieter than Misato. She was not sure what would happen, but Shinji would most likely die.

"Sick bitch!" Asuka spat. The redhead turned and stormed out of the room, not wanting to be around for the final act. Rei just sat quietly, staring blankly at the floor. 

"Maya… Prepare the N2 mines," Ritsuko said to Lieutenant Ibuki. The Lieutenant stared at her for a moment and then turned to her console.

"Yes doctor," she said.

Ritsuko turned away and grabbed her phone.

*RING*

"Ikari." 

"Commander… your son is… trapped inside the angel with 01…"

"Get 01 out of there at any cost,"

"What about Shinji?…"

"We can replace him,"

*CLICK*

***

Fatigue was beginning to show on Shinji's face after two more hours passed. He looked around and didn't recognize were he was. It was a park, but Shinji had never seen it before. 

The lighting was strange, it seemed everything was very bright. Unrealistically bright, in fact. With a slight green hue. Shinji began to walk forward, but stopped when he saw a couple in the distance.

It was a blue haired girl and a brown haired boy, holding hands. Shinji recognized them as Rei and himself. What the hell… he thought.

"Are you happy?" a small voice asked him. Shinji spun around to see a small boy standing there. He had brown hair and ice blue eyes and he looked remarkably like…

"Who are you!?" Shinji asked suddenly, strangely afraid that he already knew.

"I am the person you tried so hard to keep inside. I am you. You can't keep me down for long… There is only so long you can pretend," the boy replied. He had an innocent voice, his eyes sparkling.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shinji asked, totally confused. 

"After mother left. You pushed me down and hid me from the world because you didn't want me to be hurt again. You didn't want to be hurt. But I'm already resurfacing when you're with Rei. Do you notice that you don't cut yourself around her? I wouldn't hurt myself like that. It's just a way of compensating for the lack of love in your life. If you let your true self out more, not just with Rei, you wouldn't be like that. You wouldn't feel so much pain," the boy explained.

"What do you mean? Every time I get close to someone, they die!" Shinji yelled. "Isn't that hurt enough!?" 

"That is pure coincidence. We deserve more than pain. Let me out," the boy said.

"No!" Shinji replied, turning his back on the boy.

"Are you happy?" the boy asked again, staring at Shinji.

"When I'm with Rei," Shinji replied, smiling softly at the thought of the first child.

"See, I am right," the boy said.

"What?" Shinji asked, turning back to face himself.

"You are happy when you are yourself and people accept you for yourself. You are yourself around Rei, and she accepts you," the boy said.

Shinji just looked at the boy, finding no strong point to argue. The boy had him there.

"But I'll probably not see her again anyway," Shinji said sadly, fighting the tears in his eyes.

"Do you want to live? Will you let me out and be happy?" the boy asked.

"I want to live… I'll… let you out," Shinji said, wiping the tear from his right eye.

"Then you will live, and be happy," the boy said, turning away.

Everything in Shinji's vision went bright white, blinding Shinji temporarily. Shinji felt strange and then, he passed out.

***

 "Doctor! 01's synch rate is skyrocketing! He's gone berserk again!" Maya yelled to Ritsuko, who came running over. Everyone's eyes turned to the screen showing the outside.

"Let me out of HERE!" they heard Shinji's scream over the comm link. Rei almost smiled if she wasn't to tense about Shinji actually escaping.

As they watched, the angel stopped and started to glow, but not for long. A large explosion erupted. The shockwave went through the entire city, turning cars over and knocking down poles. There was an absence of sound and then a great rumble greater than any thunder ever heard.

When the bright light actually started to dim away, 01 was standing there, walking toward the Geo-front. 

"Vital signs good on Eva and pilot!" Aoba yelled. Rei smiled a small warm grin. 

"Retrieve pilot!" Misato yelled as she turned and ran out the door.

"Maya, freeze the orders on the N2 mines," Ritsuko said, turning and running after Misato. 

"I don't believe it," Rei said as she ran after the two adults, anxious to find Shinji.

***

Shinji groaned and opened his eyes, but immediately shut them afterwards. Too bright he thought groggily.

As he waited and slowly opened his eyes again, he felt someone touch his cheek. He looked over to his left where Rei sat next to his bed. Must be at the infirmary he deduced. 

The ceiling was painted a boring white and so was virtually every other wall in the room. Rei stood out with her blue hair and crimson eyes. She smiled lightly as she saw his gaze fall on her.

"Hello Shinji," she said quietly, moving over and kissing his cheek. Shinji smiled goofily and sat up.

"How long have I been here?" he asked, wiping his eyes and fully waking up. He looked over at the clock. 10:00 AM! School! he thought.

"You have been here for three days. And do not worry, we do not have school," Rei said, as if reading his mind.

Shinji loosened and looked around for his clothes, which happened to be half way across the room.

"Er, Rei? Can you please give me my clothes?" he asked, pointing toward the chair on the opposite side of the room.

Rei appeared to be in deep thought. What was that Major Katsuragi said about Foreplay and 'messing around'? This appears to be the right time, oh, I remember she thought, her face brightened up as she remembered some of Misato's suggestions.

"Why should I have to get them?" Rei asked mischievously, shooting Shinji a wicked grin. 

"Uh… 'cause I'm naked," Shinji replied, blushing. He hadn't caught her playful behavior very well.

"I still see no reason," Rei said, nodding and then grinning wickedly again. She sat back and watched in amusement as Shinji finally caught her meaning and choked heavily on invisible water.

"Uh, Rei! This is no time for that!" Shinji said, not really convinced himself. He was hoping she wouldn't back down and let him make the moves. He didn't feel confident enough to do anything first.

"What are you talking about Shinji? Time for what?" Rei said innocently. Shinji turned a brighter shade of red.

"Do I have to get them?" Shinji whined, making a long gesture with his hand, indicating how far he'd have to walk buck-naked.

"Yes, you do," Rei said deviously. Shinji sighed and started to get up, but Rei pushed him back down to the bed. Okay, what am I supposed to do now?… seduce him? Was that what the major said? I think so she thought.

Rei licked her lips and put a finger over Shinji's mouth to silence him. Shinji gulped and felt himself getting excited. 

Unknown to Shinji, Rei was just as nervous as him, she just didn't show it. She had never done this kind of behavior and was afraid she wasn't, what was the term Major Katsuragi used, turning him on? That sounded right. But she had succeeded with flying colors, if she just would have scooted over his groin area, she would be able to tell.

"Uhgn… Rei?" Shinji asked, feeling himself get really, really excited as she kissed his neck and jaw line.

"Yes, Shinji?" Rei replied, kissing Shinji. He relaxed a bit as her lips touched his, but he tightened up again as her hand began to go to his belt buckle.

"W-we are in a hospital! What if we get caught?" Shinji asked, stuttering slightly.

"Are you afraid of people seeing us like this?" she asked, taking her hands from his belt. Shinji sighed in relief and nodded.

"If someone were to see us, we could get in trouble," Shinji said, brushing Rei's hair from her face. She smiled and sighed contently at his touch, but eventually brought herself off of him and went to retrieve his clothes.

"Thanks," Shinji said as she handed him his school uniform. He quickly put it on under the covers and jumped around the edge of the bed. When he landed on the ground, he felt a little lightheaded, but soon caught his balance.

"We should speak with the doctor before we leave," Rei said, turning toward the door and leading Shinji out.

Shinji followed and went down the hall with her to the doctor's main office. The hallway was light brightly by fluorescent lighting. The floors were some form of marble and reflected the lights back at Shinji's face. He kept his eyes squinted.

Rei reached out for the door of the office. It was a large oak wood door that was easily a whole foot taller than Shinji's head. 

Inside, there was a crowded desk with pictures, files, and pens. A doctor sat behind it, going over Shinji's records. He looked started to see Shinji up and walking, but soon relaxed and leaned back in his chair.

"Well, it's good to see you're moving. We wanted to run some tests, but that can wait if you wanted to go home. But make sure, if you leave, that you go home, NOWERE ELSE! And don't participate in any activities that might make your heart accelerate," the doctor winked at Shinji, and he just blushed. Rei had no reaction.

"Okay, you may go Shinji. I believe you are to move into Mr. Kaji's are you not? Be careful not to do any work. And we'll call you in later for some additional testing," the doctor said before turning his back to the two teens. They bowed and left.

Outside, they made their way down the hall hand in hand. When they came to the doors, Misato, Kaji, and Asuka were all sitting on couches, waiting. Everyone jumped up, but Asuka quickly sat back down, a non-caring look on her face.

"You're all right!" Misato squealed, running up and hugging Shinji tightly. Shinji let out a squeak and winced, and she quickly let go.

"Sorry," she mumbled in apology before backing up a bit. Shinji smiled softly and hugged her. She smiled and hugged back, gently. When they were through, Misato wiped tears from her eyes and indicated toward Kaji.

"Ready?" he asked, smiling and waving. Shinji nodded and walked to his side. Rei followed. Asuka turned her head and pretended they weren't there.

Shinji sighed and followed Kaji out the door. It was bright outside, and Shinji had to squint to keep the sunlight from his eyes. Rei was still holding Shinji's hand when they got into Kaji's SUV. 

"All your stuff is already there and unpacked, courtesy of NERV," Kaji said, grinning and starting the car. Shinji and Rei were in the back.

Rei leaned her head against Shinji's shoulder, and Shinji put his arm around her. Kaji sped off down the street, well above the speed limit. 

Within ten minutes, Rei was sound asleep and they were five minutes from Kaji's residence. Shinji smiled at the soft breathing coming from his girl friend.

***

"Kozo, have you determined Rei's location?" 

"Yes sir. She is on the move with Kaji and Shinji."

"Good. Send our agents to pick Rei up. We have a little matter to discuss. Prepare the machine too, if that becomes necessary."

"Sir! Are you really going to use it on Rei?!"

"If it becomes necessary Kozo. Now do as I say."

"Yes sir…"

"…"

***

"Your room is down the hall and to the right, first door. Make yourself at home, look around. Everything here is now yours as well as mine. Just don't go into my room or my office. Those are my only rules," Kaji said brightly as he pointed to Shinji's room.

"Thank you Mr. Kaji," Shinji bowed and moved to his room, Rei not far behind.

"Oh, and there are condoms in the drawer. Just don't be too loud," Kaji whispered into Shinji's ear, with a wink. Shinji turned beat red. Rei pretended like she didn't hear.

Inside Shinji's room, there was a twin bed, a dresser, a nightstand, and a stereo. The walls were white and had several paintings and posters hung. A plant in the right corner completed the décor. 

Shinji's clothes and cello were in the closet and everything else was in the dresser. Shinji smiled and looked around. Rei sat on the edge of the bed.

Shinji nervously sat next to Rei, and she leaned up and kissed him gently.

"Shall we continue where we left off?" she asked quietly, putting her arms around him and sitting in his lap. Ohshitohshitohshitohshit! Shinji thought. His brain was on a one-way ticket to a total system crash.

Rei gave Shinji another kiss, and felt him finally relax. His arms slid around her and he kissed back. This is unlike Rei… I wonder what made her like this Shinji didn't know Misato had given Rei a version of, "the talk" that was very suggestive. 

Rei moved off his lap and lay next to him, and pressed herself close to him. A warm sensation was running through both of their bodies. Shinji gently slid his hand across her stomach, which was now exposed through her uniform. She shivered from his touch a little, but then smiled and kissed his neck.

Shinji pulled her into his arms and whispered, "let's not move too fast." Rei nodded and closed her eyes, leaning her head against Shinji's shoulder. Shinji smiled and closed his eyes. He was soon asleep.

***

The NERV agents moved silently through Kaji's home dressed in all black with night vision goggles. They pulled out their tranquilizer guns and moved toward Shinji's door. The leader grabbed the handle and opened it noiselessly.

The team of four agents moved in and aimed at the two teenagers asleep on the bed while the leader went in and grabbed Rei. He slipped his hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming and shot a tranquilizer dart into her arm. Rei soon stopped struggling and blacked out.

Shinji stirred, and a jumpy team member sent a tranquilizer dart into his neck. Shinji stopped stirring and fell into a deeper sleep. The team moved out the door and out of the house as noiselessly as they had come in.

***

"Rei? Why were you in Shinji's room?"

"I was… cuddling with him."

"Cuddling? Why?"

"Because I love him."

"Well…. *sigh*… I'm going to have to ask you to forget about your relationship with Shinji."

"I can't do that Commander."

"We have the machine ready."

"You wouldn't do that to me."

"Oh yes I would. Kozo. Call the guard to take Rei to the machine."

"No!"

"I'm sorry Rei. But I have to follow Gendo's orders."

"I understand…"

***

Rei sat in the chair, closing her eyes tightly, waiting for the pain to come. She was on the machine and knew that immense pain came with this punishment. But she couldn't force Shinji from her mind. 

In a few minutes of agonized waiting, Rei felt the prick in her right arm. She gasped as the needle went in and she screamed when the liquid was released into her vein. A burning sensation rushed through her. Her screams continued for the rest of the hour, before the machine was shut off.

~~~

Authors Notes: Kind of a dark ending. But, I'm a dark person. Hope you liked this chapter.

Next Chapter: Why god?…


	8. Why God?

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion…

Sorry it took a long time for this new chapter to come out. I've been busy with a lot lately. Look for my new Harry Potter fan fiction coming out soon entitled, "Harry Potter and the last Mage." Also, look for my one-shot Evangelion story entitled, "Kasumi." It's over 10,000 words long, so it'll give you guys something to do. Those should be out soon. Anyway, I'm upgrading this story to rated R just to be safe. The content gets questionable for PG-13.

Oh, and there is one scene in here that will make most people uncomfortable. It's a torture scene using the old Irish technique of "Kneecapping." If some of you know what that is, you'll know what's coming up. So just be aware of that. 

Oh, and if it gets too dark for you, hang in there. A little over half way into this chapter, it gets super WAFFy. J 

Story Title: Masochistic

Chapter 8: Why God?…

Author: Mosher-24

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rei opened her eyes and blinked until the darkness disappeared and turned into the dimly lit room she had learned to call home. She didn't move. The pain running through her body had barely subsided since her experience with the machine. 

She moved her fingers and felt like a thousand needles were digging into her skin. She moaned in pain and blinked back tears as she moved to sit up. The pain shot through her body, sharp and excruciating. H-how… how could you Commander? she thought as a silent tear rolled from her eye. 

"I'd advise you to forget about Shinji this time Rei. If you don't, you'll get more Vaylacedrine," said a female voice at Rei's door. Rei turned her head to see who it was, but the person had already gone.

Vaylacedrine was a newly discovered drug that NERV had been testing. It was released into the bloodstream and it spread through the body very quickly. Its affect was an extreme amount of pain. The drug ate away skin tissue and immobilized several regular bodily functions. It was then counteracted with a different drug called Viceralyne, which re-grew the lost tissues and re-mobilized the body. The after affect of the two drugs was a lasting pain. The overall affect lasts twenty-four hours. 

'The Machine' was just a foreboding name placed to a large contraption devised by NERV to torture those who got in their way. It had several different injection vaccines that ranged in effect from death to pain. Rei had been placed in the seat because she had not followed a direct order from the Commander. 

"Uhgn," Rei groaned as she moved across her horrendously dirty floor and into her bathroom. She ran the cold water into her bathtub and went to the mirror. She looked at herself and almost screamed. 

Her eyes were a dull red instead of the normal sunset red. There were veins running across her skin. Her hair was ruffled and had a single gray hair across her forehead. 

She sighed and stripped off her clothes. She then stepped into the cold bath and sighed, feeling a little bit of pain ebbing away. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the horrible feeling that the Vaylacedrine had given her.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Shinji opened his eyes. He had a horrible headache. There were blue and white spots flashing before his eyes. He groaned and sat up. He got an instant head-rush and immediately lay back down.

"Rei?" Shinji said softly, looking around. She was nowhere in the room. The clock on the nightstand read 7:00 AM. He groaned again and sat up, the headache had subsided. 

  
Shinji then looked next to him and saw something strange. A dart. It had a small green, cylindrical body and a pointy needle. Shinji frowned. He heard movement outside his door and looked up.

"Mr. Kaji!" he called, rubbing his eyes and standing up. Kaji walked in with a smile on his face that instantly disappeared when he saw Shinji. He rushed over and grabbed Shinji by the shoulder, who was stumbling around, trying to stand up straight. 

"Shinji! What happened?" Kaji asked seriously, sitting Shinji down and looking him in the eyes. Shinji rubbed his head, which was killing him.

"I don't know… Rei was here and we had fallen asleep, then I woke up with a terrible headache and Rei's gone. There's a dart right there," Shinji added, pointing to the dart. Kaji picked it up and frowned even more.

"NERV tranquillizer dart," he said simply, narrowing his eyes. He turned and left without another word, out the door and to his jeep. Shinji heard the engine start and the jeep take off down the street. He couldn't care less though, with his head hurting as bad as it did. He lay back down and closed his eyes. He drifted back off to sleep soon after.

In his dreams, Shinji saw Rei. She was sitting in a chair, gagged and tied down. A figure was walking toward her with a drill in his hand. Shinji stared in horror as the figure turned out to be Gendo. He put a large bit into the end of the drill and started to spin it. Rei whimpered through her gag. 

"Rei. I told you to listen," Gendo said simply as he brought the bit to Rei's kneecap. 

"This is a little technique that the Irish used to use for torture. How does it feel?" Gendo asked sadistically as he drove the bit into her kneecap, twisting the nerves around the spinning bit.

Rei let out a heart-piercing scream. Gendo just smiled. Shinji tried with all his might to yell, to move, but nothing would happen. Gendo reached out his free hand and began to feel Rei up as she twisted in pain.

"That's my girl. You won't be doing that again will you? You'll listen to me right?" Gendo asked, digging his fingernails into Rei's breast. She screamed and shook her head, tears coming from her eyes. Blood began to roll down her leg, resting in a small puddle at her feet.

Shinji screamed and woke up. The headache was gone. He looked around, sweat dripping from his face. It was midnight. Shinji wiped his brow and cried silently from the disturbing dream's images. 

"Are you okay?" Shinji heard Kaji's voice. Shinji looked up and saw Mr. Kaji enter the room and walk over beside him. Shinji nodded to let his guardian know he was alright, though he was trying not to throw up from the dream.

"Well, NERV wouldn't tell me anything about why you were shot with a dart, so I'm sorry, but I have no information there," Kaji said, putting his hand on Shinji's shoulder and squeezing gently. Shinji nodded and swallowed, the sick feeling ebbing away.

"Bad dream?" Kaji asked, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. He took a puff and blew out the smoke and then looked over at Shinji. Shinji nodded and gulped.

"Wanna talk about it?" Kaji asked, taking another puff of the cigarette. Shinji sighed and told Kaji all about the dream he had. Kaji listened intently and then nodded as Shinji finished.

"Ugh. Good thing that dream wasn't real. Irish Kneecapping is a nasty bit of torture. Do you know why he was torturing Rei?" Kaji asked, knocking the excess ashes off of his cigarette. 

"I don't know. It's just a nightmare though. They're not supposed to make sense," Shinji said hopefully, making it out to be more of a question than a comment. 

"Yea. Nightmares can fuck with you pretty badly, so don't let'em get to you. Just forget about it and you'll be fine. Okay?" Kaji asked, smiling. Shinji smiled and nodded. 

"Okay kid. I don't suppose you'll be able to sleep again, so if ya want to come out and watch TV or play video games with me, it's just fine," Kaji said, puffing on his cigarette one last time before he put it out and stuck the butt in an ash tray on Shinji's night stand. 

"Really? Awesome! Sorry, I mean, uh… that'd be great Mr. Kaji," Shinji said, looking at his feet. Kaji smiled and put his arm around Shinji's shoulders. 

"Call me Kaji. I'm your friend. Not your superior," Kaji said, leading Shinji out to the front room. Shinji sat on the couch while Kaji sat in a chair next to him. Kaji pulled out a remote and turned on the TV. 

"TV or video games?" Kaji asked, looking over at Shinji. Shinji thought for a moment and then said, "TV, I'm not very good at games." Kaji smiled and nodded and switched the channel to Comedy Central where the South Park Movie was on.

Shinji laughed through most the movie and at the end, fell asleep on the couch. Kaji smiled again and laid a blanket on his charge, then went off to his own room, pulling out a fresh cigarette. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rei looked at herself in the mirror again. The veins had stopped showing through her skin and her eyes were regaining their color. She looked much better than she did a few hours ago. There was still a small amount of pain running through her, but she felt she could manage. 

She looked over to her closet, which was across the room. She stepped over the dirty clothes and bandages to her closet. Almost as if it was a subconscious routine, she picked out her school uniform. Rei slowly put the uniform on, as not to irritate the pain. 

After she was fully dressed and satisfied with her appearance, she went to her bed and grabbed her books. They seemed extremely heavy, but that was due to the fact that she was weakened from her injections. 

Walking slowly to the door of her apartment, she opened the door and walked straight into someone in front of her. She fell over, dropping her books across the hall.

"Rei! I'm so sorry! Here, let me help you!" Shinji said, picking up her books and helping her off the ground. Rei felt extremely weakened. She looked at Shinji and forced herself to smile. He smiled back.

"It's okay. I was just on my way to school. Would you like to walk with me?" she asked in her usual dull tone. Shinji had learned not to pay attention to her tone or her expressions too much. 

"Yes. I was just going to ask you if I could walk with you," Shinji said, holding out his hand, which was shaking. Rei smiled softly and took his hand in hers. She could feel his nervousness through his shakiness. 

"Is everything alright Rei?" Shinji asked after he had walked her down the stairs and into the city. Rei had become unstable, feeling all her energy slowly draining. She tried to say she was fine, but instead collapsed into Shinji's arms. 

Nobody around really noticed. There were people walking by about thirty feet away, cars racing past, construction across the road, but no one even spared them a glance.

Shinji picked Rei up. She was extremely light, which didn't surprise Shinji. She had a very petite figure. Her eyes closed and she passed out before she could say anything. Shinji carried her back up the four flights of stairs and back into her apartment. Despite her weight, Shinji was still short of breath and sweating by the time he got back into her apartment. 

He walked across her floor, careful not to step on anything. He then laid her out on her bed and pulled the sheet over her. She sighed and moved slightly. 

Shinji wiped his brow and looked around her apartment and could almost feel himself get dirtier. The whole place held many dirty things. Bloody bandages, unwashed clothing, old papers, and dust. Nothing seemed to be cleaned regularly.

"Well, might as well start now," Shinji said to himself as he looked through her kitchen drawers. He found several unopened cleaning supplies and a mop. Shinji began to clean, and clean, and clean, and clean.

The whole apartment, which was not very big, ended up taking him a full three hours to tidy up. Shinji sighed and put the cleaning supplies away. He then went over and sat next to Rei on the bed. She stirred slightly. 

Shinji smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. She smiled and opened her eyes. Shinji could see she was still tired. He caressed her cheek and kissed her forehead. 

"Thank you Shinji," she said softly. Shinji nodded and lay next to her, putting his arms around her and holding her until she had fallen asleep again. He smiled and listened to her breathing before he nodded off. 

Shinji looked around him. He was in a tiny room that slightly resembled Rei's apartment. It was dark, only a little golden light fluttering through open windows that Shinji couldn't see. There was a bed, a couch, and a table. No other furniture decorated the room, the walls were colorless, and it was very plain. 

All of a sudden, Shinji felt a sharp pain dragging down his right arm. He looked down and saw bloody lines being etched into his arms. He winced, but at the same time, started to feel the pleasure spread through him. It was like cutting himself again. 

"Is this what the Commander mentioned? About masochism?" came the most familiar voice to Shinji. He spun around and saw Rei standing there, holding her right arm with her left. Shinji looked down at his arm, which had stopped being sliced by invisible blades, but was still bleeding.

"I-I…" Shinji stuttered, ashamed of himself and his addiction.

Shinji felt something soft press against his cheek. He opened his eyes and looked at Rei, who was still in his arms. She kissed him again, this time on the lips. Shinji kissed back, closing his eyes. 

"I had the weirdest dream," Shinji said with a smile as they pulled back. Rei just smiled, apparently too tired to speak. Shinji just smiled and ran his fingers gently across her cheek. 

"Shinji… I have never felt like this with anyone. When I'm with you… I feel… happy… I feel… special with the way you look at me… I…" Rei was about to add more, but Shinji smiled and gave her another kiss on the lips. 

"I know. The same with me… I love you," Shinji said after he broke the kiss. Rei smiled softly in agreement and then moved on top of Shinji. He immediately tensed up, so Rei placed his hands on her hips and then kissed him again, parting her lips this time to allow Shinji's tongue to enter her mouth. 

Shinji did as she indicated and ran his tongue into her mouth. He ran his fingers through her soft hair again and smiled. 

The light from the window dimmed down, the sun already setting. Shinji didn't possibly know how time could have gone past so fast, even with him sleeping, but at the moment, he didn't care. 

In fact, Shinji only cared about Rei at that moment. He didn't know what to do, he didn't have any experience, but he let his instincts take control. He took his mouth from hers and kissed down her neck slowly. When he came to her blouse, he shakily began to remove it. Rei didn't say anything to the contrary. She even began to help him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"I… I just want my sister to be put in the best possible hospital for her. Then I'll do whatever you want," Toji said, putting his head in his hands. He was scared to death, but all he could think of was helping his sister.

"Very well. Consider it done. You'll be there tomorrow then? We'll have agents ready to pick you up," Ritsuko said, holding out an I.D. card to Toji, the fourth child.

"Yea, I'll be there," Toji said, almost out of breath. Dr. Akagi nodded and dropped the card in his book bag. She then turned and left the room, followed by two agents who had waited in the shadows as her personal bodyguards. 

Toji shook violently. He was in a sterile room. It was white. Only a table and two chairs decorated the room. Toji saw the only way out was the way he had come in. He stood up, careful not to look into the bright overhead lights. 

He walked out the door and out the way he had come, which was on an elevator and through several corridors. 

Toji went through the main doors and out into the humid night air. He could already almost feel his clothes sticking to him. He paid no attention and walked straight over to Misato's, forgetting that Shinji no longer lived there.

The way was dark, uneventful, and foreboding. Toji knocked and was met almost immediately by a face full of Asuka.  

"What do you want?" she asked rudely. Hikari appeared behind her, looking over her shoulder to see who it was. She turned red immediately. 

"I was just wondering… if you knew were Shinji might be?…" Toji asked, backing off a little so Asuka wasn't right in his face. She was puzzled slightly by his submissive behavior, but decided to keep being a bitch anyway.

"No I don't know where the idiot is. He doesn't live here anymore, remember? Go look at Mr. Kaji's or something," Asuka said turning her back to Toji and closing the door. Toji heard Hikari and Asuka begin to talk excitedly and then moved off down the street.

"He wouldn't be at Kaji's… He'd be at Ayanami's…" Toji said, sticking his hands in his pockets and moving down the street toward Rei's apartment. 

It was getting darker by the second, blackness falling over Tokyo-3's buildings. Toji moved up the four flights of stairs after an hour of wondering and knocked on Rei's door.

Shinji opened his eyes and felt Rei on top of him. She was breathing evenly. Another knock at the door told Shinji he was not dreaming the knock up. He gently placed Rei to his left and stood up, walking to the door. He pulled up his jeans and opened it, still only in jeans and missing his shirt. 

"Shinji? Hi man, can you talk?" Toji asked as Shinji opened the door. Shinji jumped at seeing Toji, but looked back at Rei and then to Toji.

"Okay, sure. Wanna go for a walk then?" Shinji asked in a whisper, hoping Toji would follow suit. He wasn't being quiet when he spoke. 

"Mmmm… Shinji, what's wrong?" Rei moaned from the bed, turning over and tangling herself in the covers. She rubbed her eyes and looked at Shinji.

"I need to go talk to Toji. I'll be back soon," Shinji said, looking back at his girlfriend. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Okay, I'll just sleep until you get back," Rei said, laying her head back on the pillow and untangling herself from the sheets.

"So, you and Ayanami got it on huh?" Toji asked, his voice devoid of the normal teasing tone. Shinji looked at him and nodded absentmindedly. 

"What's wrong man?" Shinji asked, leading Toji down the stairs and into a near by park. 

"I… I just…" Toji said, but trailed off and pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He took a deep puff and then blew out the smoke.

"What are you doing? I didn't think you'd smoke! You're a jock!" Shinji said, eyeing his companion suspiciously. Toji sighed.

"I just started earlier today… I… I'm so scared Shinji… They… they made me… ME… an EVA pilot!" Toji finally said, throwing his cigarette to the ground. He started to shake uncontrollably and fell to his knees. 

All Shinji could do was stare. He stared down at his friend, unbelieving of what he just heard.

A scream interrupted what Shinji had planned to say. He turned back toward Rei's apartment and stared intently. Another scream issued from Rei's apartment.

"REI!" Shinji screamed, running at full speed to the apartment entrance.

Continued…………

Author's Notes: I hoped you liked this chapter… It took me a while to finish. Thanks to those who have supported me.

Next Chapter: Cat and mouse


	9. Cat and Mouse

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion…

This Chapter contains: Sexuality, violence, and coarse language. I remind you, this fic is rated R. Watch for my other fics, coming soon, I hope. Sorry it's taking so long. 

Chapter 9: Cat and Mouse…

Author: Mosher-24

Story Title: Masochistic

*~*~*~*~*

Shinji didn't know who he was. He didn't care. He couldn't feel his heart; he couldn't feel his entire body. All he cared about was the scream that had escaped the window from Rei's apartment. 

His muscles were moving before his brain could think about it. Sweat pouring down his face, his heart racing, Shinji pumped his legs as hard as he could, taking the steps four at a time. The door at Ayanami's apartment was wide open, the door crooked on its hinges.

Shinji could hear Toji come up behind him.

"Split up and we'll look around. Yell if you find anything right?" Toji said, walking into the apartment. It was dark; shadows seemed to move everywhere, playing tricks on their minds.

Shinji didn't care about the shadows, or any danger that may be lurking. Rei was in trouble and that's all that was registering, not even the fact that something had just moved from behind him.

"Stay out of this third child. You shall regret it," said a voice, disguised by some sort of distortion machine.

Shinji spun around and saw a figure dressed in all black carrying Rei over their shoulder. The person had a gun in its right hand and was pointing it at Shinji.

"Let her down and you won't get hurt," Shinji warned. The figure laughed, though it hardly sounded like anything remotely humorous through the distortion device.

"I think not third. Now, back down," said the attacker. The gun was now at Shinji's head.

"Ah!" Toji yelled as he slammed his fists into the attackers head. It fell stumbled, shooting the gun off. It barely missed Shinji's ear but left a pounding silence in his hearing. 

Shinji felt the blood start to drip from his ears, but shook it off. He took his chance and kicked the figure in the stomach. It doubled over and Shinji grabbed Rei. She was unconscious, but breathing. 

He laid her on the bed and turned around. The figure was grappling with Toji, the gun to the right of the attacker.

"Son-of-a-bitch!" Toji yelled as the figure kicked him in the groin and kneed his stomach.

Shinji made a diving grab for the gun, kicking the attacker's hand out of the way. He came up with the pistol in hand and pointed it at the figure, but he/she was gone.

"What the hell?" Shinji said. Toji pointed to the door and Shinji ran out at full speed. The figure was at the bottom of the stairwell, so Shinji jumped a flight of stairs at a time and was at the bottom when the figure was running out the door.

Shinji ran out after the person, the gun recklessly aiming at its back. The figure was incredibly fast though, and Shinji was falling behind.

"No! Come back!" Shinji yelled, closing his eyes and running with everything he had. He got closer to the figure, but was quickly growing tired.

Fine. So be it, Shinji thought as he took aim with the pistol and yanked back the trigger. The gun jerked back in his hand as the bullet flew through the air and smacked into the figures right shoulder. 

"Ah!" the figure yelled out in pain, but kept running. Shinji saw a little blood on the ground as he past the spot where he had shot the mystery attacker. 

Shinji took aim again while running and pulled the trigger. The gun jerked back again with the force of the explosion and the bullet smacked into the attackers left side. 

"Fuck!" the attacker winced, slowing down to a normal pace. Shinji kept running, panting through several coughs. 

The streets were devoid of life and the attacker had led Shinji into a deep forest. The third child saw the attacker draw a glittering knife and disappear into the shadows. 

Shinji's heart was racing so fast that he could feel the pumping in his ears. The dark, ominous forest was closing in on him on every side, making him feel claustrophobic. He tried to steady his breathing as not to give away his position, but that didn't work too well. He kept the gun at ready and walked slowly through the maze of trees.

"You should have given up!" said the distorted voice of the attacker as he jumped out of the shadows, the knife slashing toward Shinji.   
  
He felt a burning on his chest as the knife caught and sliced a long line of blood. He felt it dig into his shoulder, but fired the gun anyway, despite the pain. The bullet smacked into the attackers face and he/she fell back with a yelp and a spray of blood.

The young Ikari's ice blue eyes stared at the dead attacker for a long time. He couldn't believe he had just KILLED someone. Shinji was used to killing angels, but never a person less than five feet away. 

"Come on! Let's split!" Toji yelled, coming up behind Shinji. Both were injured, but they sucked it up and ran back to Rei's apartment, where they collapsed on the floor in front of the door.

*~*~*~*~*

Shinji's eyes fluttered open, but soon shut as the light from the window hit his eyes. It was morning, but Shinji didn't really care. The birds were singing through the window, even though Tokyo-3 was a metropolis that most would think had scared away all the wildlife.

"Ah, you're up. Took you long enough, you wussy," Toji said from the table of Kaji's living room.

"How did we get here?" Shinji asked groggily, his head, shoulder, and chest hurting immensely. 

"Kaji was at Rei's place when we got there, and he took us here. You got quite a list of injuries though, but thanks to Kaji and an insider from NERV, you'll be fine able to pilot your EVA by tomorrow," Toji said, rubbing a bruise on his jaw.

"What about Rei? Is she all right?" Shinji asked, sitting up and feeling the mistake right away. Everything rushed to his head and caused an incredible pain as if his head would pop like a balloon.

"Yea, she's fine. The attacker had stuck her with some sort of serum to put her out for a while. She's taking a long bath now to wash away the effects," Toji replied, leaning back in the chair and sighing.

"Hey! You're up!" Kaji said as he entered the large room. It was tall, about the size of two Kaji's stacked on top of one another. The furniture was expensive, mostly wood, but with a couple love chairs and a couch. There was also a bookcase on Shinji's right, though he couldn't read the book titles very well.

"Yea… Who attacked her?" Shinji asked, not feeling able to be happy until everything that was known was communicated to him.

"A guy named Ferronelli. He was a black ops agent for NERV," Toji said, sitting next to Shinji.

"But why from NERV?" Shinji asked.

"I don't know, Shinji. I don't know."

"Well, what about us? What injuries?" 

"You have the biggest. Your ear was bleeding, but we stopped the bleeding and you should be able to hear fine by tonight. Your balance will be off for a few days though. Your chest has been stitched up and isn't very serious. And your shoulder has also been stitched up, but you shouldn't move it very much for a couple weeks. Toji has a few bad bruises and a broken finger, but he's fine other than that. Rei has a few bruises too, and the after affects of the serum will affect her for a couple days, but she'll be fine too."

"That's good," Shinji said with a sigh of relief. He winced, it hurt to inhale or exhale too strongly.

"If you feel up to it, I've got breakfast in the kitchen," Kaji said, getting up and walking into the TV room.

Shinji tried to stand, but he fell back down, the pain in his whole body was overwhelming. Soon, however, he had mastered the pain and pushed it down and was on his way to the kitchen. 

There was a large plate of steak and eggs and pancakes with syrup and steak sauce. Shinji smiled and grabbed the silverware, which was laid down next to the plate. He ate with one hand, which took him twice as long as it usually did.

As he took the last bite, he felt something move behind him. Turning, he saw crimson eyes staring back into his own. He smiled and kissed Rei. She kissed back and gently caressed his cheek.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered.

"For what?"

"That battle was my own, you should not have had to save me."

"I couldn't have just sat back, you know,"

"I know. And for that, I am sorry."

The two kissed again. Shinji did not have the strength or energy to argue, nor did he want to. 

"Do you know why you were attacked?" Shinji asked, brushing her wet bangs from her face.

Her face seemed paler than usual, and her eyes were far off and distant. She looked at Shinji for a long while before replying, "I have no idea."

Shinji didn't know if he believed her or not, but if she was not going to tell him, then she wouldn't. Shinji just put his good arm around her and held her for what seemed like an eternity.

"I didn't want to burst your bubble, but you've got to go to NERV tomorrow afternoon, right after school," Kaji said, walking into the kitchen and pulling out a cigarette.

"Why?" Shinji asked. Why right now? I just got fucking stabbed for god's sake! 

"You don't need to pilot your EVAs, just need to be there for the initiation test of the fourth child," Kaji replied calmly.

"That's tomorrow? But Toji's still hurt!" Shinji said.

"The commander seems not to be interested in his injuries. He said it will go ahead as planned," Kaji replied with resentment dripping from his voice at the word 'commander'. 

Shinji sighed and quietly seethed.

"Don't worry about it Shinji. Toji is not badly injured, he will be able to activate the EVA and operate the basic functions," Rei whispered into his ear.

Shinji felt his anger melt away and he smiled and nodded at the first child. 

*~*~*~*~*~*

"So… are you ready?" Shinji said, walking into the guest room, where Toji was sitting on the bed, a cigarette in his mouth.

"No, but I don't have much of a choice, do I?" Toji replied tonelessly, exhaling the excess smoke. He shook his head and puffed again.

"I know what you mean. They took me without any prior training too… I know you can do it though Toji, you can do everything else right?" Shinji said with a grin.

"Yea, I can do it. I just hope I can pilot as well as I can fuck," Toji laughed.

"Then we'd all be in trouble!" Shinji replied and the two friends laughed for a long time before silence gripped the room again.

It was a dim room, the blinds were shut, the lamp was off, only slits of sunlight shone through the cracks in the blinds. 

"Well, thanks Shinji. I'm gonna go tell Kensuke. He's been calling my house every hour or so, the crazy bastard," Toji said with a smirk and he stood and walked out of the room. Shinji heard him walk down the stairs and later heard the door open and shut.

As the third was about to leave, he spotted something that made his fingers tingle, and his stomach jump: a knife. 

Shakily, he reached out for the knife. It was clean, gleaming even in the dim room, or was that just Shinji's imagination? He couldn't tell, but all he knew was that he wanted to cut. To slash. To feel the self-inflicted pain that temporarily made him whole.

As it was in his hand, he could not really feel it. His whole concentration was on his arm and the blade. He brought it to his skin and let it sit, the coolness resonating somehow to his arm. Then with a sharp downward stroke, he cut into his arm.

The wound gleamed red for a moment for bleeding into a stream down his arm. The cut was about five inches down the middle of his underarm, toward his wrist.

He brought it down again, this time across his arm. It bled more, dripping to the carpet. Shinji seemed fixed on the sudden pricks it sent down his arm, and then the burning of a healing wound. 

After five slashes, Shinji felt content and hid the knife away, out of sight. He wiped his arm clean with a Kleenex and sat on the bed, studying his new scars. He had several on his arms now, all around and up and down.

Unbeknownst to the third, Rei was watching from the doorway. Her lips were pressed into a slight frown as she watched her loved one hurt himself. After Shinji had finished, she turned around and silently left the hallway.

*~*~*~*~*~*

*BRING*

"Ikari."

"Commander… as you know, the kidnapping did not go as planned, and the third and first are still tightly together…"

"Yes. I know all this. What do you want Akagi?"

"Shinji is still hurting himself."

"This does not concern me. You deal with it. Our first priority is the dummy plug system. Then we will worry about the Commencement Project, then Shinji. Any questions?" 

"No sir."

"Good." *click*

"…"

*~*~*~*~*

Gendo Ikari sat back in his chair. The room was dark, only the door and the light beyond visible, but Gendo knew the office like the back of his hand. He could navigate it after being spun in circles. 

He was putting the finishing touches on the Commencement Project in his head. He grinned at his own cleverness. 

"Soon Yui, we will be together again," 

*~*~*~*~*~*

Shinji put on a long-sleeved shirt and walked back down stairs. It was dark now, after a long nap and some TV. Kaji and Rei and Shinji were the only ones in the household and all the activity was now in the TV room.

"Hey, kiddo. We're gonna watch a special on Deadsy, wanna watch with us?" Kaji asked, thumbing the remote. 

"What's a Deadsy?" Shinji asked.

"They're a band. You'd like them, they're… Goth rock I guess. They have a lot of cool synthesizer effects and stuff," Kaji replied.

"Sounds interesting," Shinji said, sitting next to Rei.

She laid her head on his shoulder and leaned against him. The two were on a couch next to Kaji, who was in a big chair.

Kaji smiled and looked to the TV as a picture of Deadsy came up. There were six guys all dressed up in weird clothes and make-up with a cool song playing in the background.

Shinji put his arm around Rei and the two sat through the special, not really paying attention to the TV.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Toji was scared. More scared then he had ever been in his life. Sweat poured off him and into the LCL like his courage, which was draining rapidly. 

The screen came online and he saw Dr. Akagi's face. 

"Just calm down Toji. We're activating your EVA right now. Relax and close your eyes," Akagi said soothingly.

Toji closed his eyes and felt the rush of the EVA starting. Everything went smoothly until they were almost done, when Toji felt a pain in his stomach.

He moaned, and it got worse. He heated up and felt the pain crawl along his stomach walls and spread to his whole body in a matter of moments. 

His head felt as if it were going to pop and he screamed, but couldn't hear himself. The pain turned into a tingling like a thousand fingers poking him from the inside.

'Don't fight.' came a strange voice.

'What?' Toji thought.

'I'll set you free.'

……….continued

Author's notes: That one went quickly. Hope you liked it. Deadsy really is a band too, they're pretty cool. Check'em out.


	10. Commencement begins

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion… 

I'm already starting on a new chapter, because ideas are flowing in like never before. Get yourselves ready for some very different concepts. As before, this story is rated R for violence, language, and sexuality.

Story Title: Masochistic

Author: Mosher-24

Chapter Ten: Commencement begins

*~*~*~*~*~*

Toji was frozen in his seat with pain and fear. The tickling on the inside of him had turned into needle pricks. He was refusing the angel, but was losing. 

'Infidel. You will not hold. If I cannot set you free, you are worthless.'

Toji felt a jab of pain down his spine. It felt like a spinal tap, though he knew nothing was being driven into it.

He tried with all his might to scream, but he couldn't control his mouth. He couldn't feel his heart or his brain. Toji had never been so scared as he lost all feeling to his body.

'I have won.'

*~*~*~*~*

"What's going on!?" Shinji asked angrily as he was hurriedly pushed into the entry plug of unit-01. He was in his plug suit and was ready for battle, but he did not know what he was up against.

All he knew was that he, Asuka, and Rei were being rushed into their EVAs. 

Shinji sat in the seat, his hands grabbing the yokes. The plug started to fill with LCL and Shinji held his breath, because he couldn't stand the smell of the blood-like liquid. 

As he was saturated in the orange liquid, he could breathe again, though it tasted faintly of blood. Shinji could now see through the EVAs cameras, which showed the EVA cages.

The walls were painted with bright yellow indicating which EVA was held there. The floor was really a pool of LCL, with a plank out to the entry plugs. There was a control room to the upper right where Doctor Akagi oversaw the cage. 

Shinji's shoulder hurt. So did everything else in his body. He had been through more in the last week because of NERV then he ever had in his life. Fatigue seemed to radiate off of him. 

As he felt the EVA being moved to the elevator, a screen popped up. It was Doctor Akagi, who looked extremely frazzled.

"Pilots, you are to engage a new threat that just appeared within the last few hours. It is an angel bent on destroying NERV, like the rest. Engage at objective one, it's marked on your maps. Use any means necessary to take the enemy down. Good luck," she said. The screen disappeared and Shinji was left with the vision of the elevator shaft as he accelerated upwards.

For a brief moment, Shinji felt disoriented. He couldn't tell his feet from his face, but that feeling quickly passed. Hold it together, Shinji, please Shinji thought to himself.

"Please stay safe, Shinji," Rei's voice said. It was over a secure comm. frequency. 

"You too. I love you," Shinji replied.

"I love you too."

The frequency closed, and as soon as it did, another frequency opened, this time to both Shinji and Rei.

"Just stay out of my way," Asuka said. Her voice was hard, cold. Shinji didn't have time to worry about it though, because all three EVAs arrived at the surface at the same time. They came to an abrupt stop and maps flashed on the bottom right of their vision.

Asuka reached to her right where a riffle had appeared. Unit-00 reached to it's left and grabbed a riffle of it's own. Shinji looked to his left and found nothing, then to his right and found his own riffle. Unit-01 reached out and took it.

"Let's get this mother gone," Asuka said. She led as point and Rei and Shinji followed. 

As they neared their objective, Shinji felt foreboding beyond anything he'd ever experienced before. The EVAs were out of Tokyo-3 now and heading toward the base where Toji was to have his activation test…

"Enemy sighted!" Asuka yelled. Shinji looked straight ahead and saw a shape running toward them. It was tall, like an EVA…

It was an EVA! A black EVA with a smaller demonic head. 

"Firing!" Asuka yelled. The riffle in her EVAs hands jumped and emptied an entire clip. The bullets bounced off of an A.T. field.

Rei opened fire too, and got the same result. The EVA ran toward Asuka and jumped, and Shinji fired upon it too, with great reluctance. The bullets just hit an A.T. field and stopped.

"Is this the enemy?" Shinji asked.

"Yes, it is an angel." Gendo said over the frequency.

Shinji felt the loathing already rise.

"But it's an EVA!" 

"Not anymore. It has been infected by an angel, so it is now an angel. Destroy it."

"Is there a pilot?"

"That is irrelevant"

"No it's not!"

"Destroy it Third, or you will be destroyed by it."

The frequency issued static and Shinji cursed.

"I could use some help!" Asuka screamed. Shinji looked up and the EVA had Unit-02 in its hands. The weird thing was that its arms has stretched and gone under the ground, and come up several hundred meters away and grabbed the EVA.

"Perfect," Shinji muttered. He urged his EVA forward, and watched as Unit-00 ran toward the angel and punch it in the head. The enemy EVA stumbled and withdrew its arms and slapped 00 back. 

"Rei!" Shinji yelled as 00 flew back. The angel turned around and jumped into the air. It flew through the air and landed next to 02, who kicked out. The angel ducked and tripped 02. The red EVA fell helplessly to the floor.

The angel began to mercilessly pummel 02. Asuka's screams of pain could be heard through the normal frequency. 

"Dammit!" Shinji cursed as he made the EVA fling itself forward. 01 collided with the angel and knocked it back. 

01 drew its progressive knife and slashed out at the angel, who dodged and kicked out. 01 flew back after being kicked in the stomach. Shinji groaned and slammed into the ground.

Rei came up from behind the angel and punched into its back. The angel howled and reached behind it. Its super-stretchy arms found 00 and flung it over its head.

Rei grunted as 00 slammed into the ground.

Shinji willed his EVA to stand, but the angel was going after Asuka. It grabbed 02's arms and began to tear them off.

"FUCK! AHHHH!" Asuka screamed. 

"Cut the synch between the second and 02!" Akagi yelled. 

02 fell silent to the earth and the angel dropped it as if instantly losing interest. It turned to 00, who was closest.

"No you ugly bastard!" Shinji yelled.

The angel punched 00 in the stomach and kicked its face. 00 flew back and slammed into the ground. The angel was upon in and instant and was tearing into its chest, in search of the core.

Rei's screaming could be heard over the frequency, and 00's synch was cut.

"It's up to you Shinji. You can do it," came Misato's voice, hurt, but confident.

"M-Misato?" Shinji asked.

He didn't hear the reply because the angel was flying at him. It slammed into his EVAs chest and Shinji felt an immediate pain. 

  
The third child was about to counter-attack when he saw something that changed his mind. The angel had an entry plug that was sealed over with some sort of webbing.

Shinji stood there, and let the angel beat him to a pulp.

"What are you doing third?" Gendo asked over a secure frequency.

"I cannot kill it. There is a pilot still in there. It's Toji!" Shinji replied.

"You cannot let it kill you. The pilot is no longer a concern," Gendo replied.

"You're a monster."

"You are being insubordinate third. Kill the angel."

"I'm your freaking son! Can't you treat me with any decency?"

"Fine. Cut 01's synch."

Shinji didn't understand. Why? Before he could ask, he felt the synch cut between him and his EVA. Everything went dark and Shinji was left with a feeling of dread.

He felt a sharp pain in his stomach and screamed.  
  


'Don't fight.' a voice said. 

"What?" Shinji asked.

'I will set you free,' the voice replied.

"How?" 

Shinji felt a sharp pain in his brain. Something was probing his thought, going through every memory, going through every feeling. Shinji screamed again, feeling the intrusion increase in fervor. 

"Activate Dummy Plug System," Shinji heard Gendo say. 

Shinji felt the pain go away and the EVA was reactivated. He tried to move it, but he couldn't control it. 

The angel was latching onto 01, but 01 pushed it off. It then drew its progressive knife and slashed at the angel, who dodged. The angel tried to kick, but 01 slashes its foot and punched it down.

Shinji then watched as 01 got on top of it and started to slowly dismantle it. He watched in horror as 01 ripped off the armor and ripped out the entry plug and smashed it.

"No!" Shinji screamed. 

"Cut synch," Gendo said calmly.

*~*~*~*~*

Shinji felt his plug being pulled. He rushed out when the door opened. He was dripping with LCL. His feet carried him to the angel's plug and the twisted piece of metal it was now.

He watched, terrified, as the medics removed Toji from the plug, mangled, but alive. Shinji screamed and blacked out.

*~*~*~*~*

A heart monitor beeped steadily. The nauseating drip drip of an I.V. filled the room. Shinji's breathing was the only thing familiar to Ayanami. 

Shinji was in a coma. He had been for a week. He twitched every once and a while, as if in a bizarre dream. Rei watched him, day in and day out, barely hurt herself. 

She had a bruised rib, but nothing much else. 

"The third is now fulfilling his purpose, though he does not know it yet," a voice said from behind the first child. She looked around and her crimson eyes met Gendo's cold ones.

"You shall soon fulfill your purpose too. And you'll learn that life is only because of purpose," Gendo said. He was acting like he was a counselor, but Rei was so mad with him for everything he had done, she hated him.

"You are not part of his purpose. I'll give you one more day to wait at his bedside, but after that leave him be. His purpose is most important, and yours will not cross it," Gendo said coldly.

"Understood?" Gendo asked.

"Yes sir," Rei said, trying to mask her hatred.

  
Gendo turned around and walked out the room's door.

Rei turned back to Shinji and observed him. He looked peaceful. A slight smile graced his features. His hair was unkempt, but didn't need any attention. His eyes were lightly closed and his breathing was even. Rei found herself smiling, wondering what wonderful dream he was having.

But Shinji wasn't dreaming. He wasn't even in control of his body at the moment. Something was going on in his brain, something that he didn't know about. His body sat in wait until it was the right time to wake.

*~*~*~*~*

"Fuyutsuki, Commencement has begun."

"Gendo, you'd do this to your own son?"

"Of course, he is no longer my son."  
  


"Yes he is, you just don't want him to be."

"Hmm… I guess."

*~*~*~*~*

Author's notes: Sorry, this ones a little shorter. I hope you liked it, and I hope you want more.


	11. Something in the way

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion…

This story is rated R for violence, sexuality, and language. And don't worry; I'm not turning Shinji into "Superman Shinji". 

Story Title: Masochistic

Author: Mosher-24

Chapter Eleven: Something in the way

*~*~*~*~*~*

Shinji was running along the hallway. It was dark and cold. His bare feet slapped against the marble floor, echoing his hurry for hundreds of meters.

The air seemed thick with death as Shinji seemed to just cut through it. He could hear the creature running in from behind him.

'Why are you running?'

Shinji could hear it through his subconscious, which scared him more than anything else. It seemed to be INSIDE him. 

The hallway was pitch black, but seemed to be straight, so Shinji just kept running. The walls seemed to close in on him the farther he went, until they were pressing on his shoulders. He found an opening to his right and ran through it. It was another dark hallway.

'Stop running. You're going to get tired.'

Shinji seemed to run faster. He turned around for a split second and saw a glowing entity flying behind him. 

Shinji hurtled another dead body. The entity had been chasing him for over a week, killing anyone else in the way. It had even killed his friends Toji and Kensuke. 

'I can keep going, but you will get tired.'

"I'll just hide from you again!" Shinji huffed as he tried to keep running. He was slowing down again though, and didn't think he'd find a place to hide in time.

'You are mine this time. Just stop now, and I'll set you free.' 

Shinji ran for a few more minutes, blind in the darkness before he finally just collapsed. He breathed hard as the entity floated over to him. When it's face came before Shinji's, it was Rei's.

Shinji stared at her. She was completely white, her crimson eyes shining clearly. Shinji reached out and touched her cheek, but he yanked it back when he felt it burn. Rei's face changed into the head of the Angel-EVA he had battled almost an eternity ago. Or was it an eternity? Shinji didn't know. 

'It is done.'

Shinji felt himself get cold and everything went dark again. He screamed, but couldn't hear his own voice.

*~*~*~*~*

Opening his eyes, he was surrounded by complete dark. He tried to speak, but all that came out was a jumble of meaningless sounds.

Something stirred to his right. The angel!?

"Shinji?" came a soft voice. It was quiet, comforting… familiar. Shinji remembered who he was. He remembered that voice.

"Rei?" 

"Yes. Are you okay?" Rei asked. She was close to him and Shinji was adapting to the darkness, so he could make out some of Rei's soft features.

"I'm fine… how long have I been out?" Shinji asked, rubbing his eyes. The I.V. in his arm snagged and he winced.

"Nine days," Rei replied, reaching out and touching his cheek. Shinji closed his eyes and for a minute, felt the burning again, but that feeling quickly passed. He opened his eyes and Rei's face was right next to his.

Shinji pulled Rei's face to his with his free hand and kissed her. She kissed back and broke only when she couldn't breathe anymore. She gave him a soft smile, though he felt it more than saw it.

"Shinji… It will get hard for us to see each other. The commander… does not want us to be close… He has made several arrangements to keep us away from each other… But you know the park outside my apartment, do you not?" Rei asked softly.

"Yes," Shinji replied, already horrified by what the Commander was doing. 

"Meet me there every night you can at midnight or past. No later than four. That will be the only time we can be together outside of school or NERV. I'm sorry, but it will have to be that way for a while," Rei said sadly.

"Okay… I'll be there every night… I promise," Shinji said. Rei smiled and kissed his again.

"I have to leave. The Commander cannot see me here. I'll see you later. I love you," Rei said.

"I love you too," Shinji replied and Rei was gone. He stared into the dark silence for a while, before closing his eyes and letting silent tears fall down his cheeks. 

The darkness seemed to press in on him, but he couldn't sleep. Maybe that was because he had already slept for eight days, or because he was too busy seething about his father to sleep.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Kaji was slowly making his way down the deserted street. He was following the unsuspecting victim, who, ironically, was looking for her own victim. 

He pulled the loaded gun from his shoulder holster. The black 9mm gleamed in the moonlight. 

The buildings of Tokyo-3 looked dark and formidable in the dark. 

"Stop right there Domono," came the female's voice. Kaji jumped into an alley and listened.

"Now, listen, I haven't done anything," came a males voice.

"I know you haven't. But I'm sad to say, you know too much."

"I don't know anything!"

"You know about Commencement. Were you not planning on going to the third tonight and warn him?"

"NO!"

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe you."

A single shot rang out in the peaceful night air. Kaji could barely hear a body fall the ground and the clicking of heels on the cement.

Kaji turned the corner and took aim at his victim, but decided to give her a chance. The blonde haired assassin and doctor disappeared from Kaji's sight. He decided it was time to pay NERV a nighttime visit.

*~*~*~*~*

Shinji went through the pains of two days worth of testing and treatment before the infirmary would let him out, but when they finally let him go, he went straight to Toji's house.

"Yes?" Toji's mother said after Shinji had knocked on their door. She was a short lady with dark brown hair and light green eyes.

The house was small, but homely. It was painted a dark blue with light blue trim. There was a tiny garden in the front and a white sports car in the front.

"Is… Toji here?" Shinji asked hesitantly. Toji's mother nodded and went to fetch her son. 

Shinji heard it before he saw it, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight that lay before him.

Toji walked to the door with a prosthetic leg and his arm in a sling with several scratches and bruises covering his face.

At the sight, Shinji broke down and cried, repeating several apologies through his sobs. Toji watched him with pity, but couldn't get to the ground to comfort him because of his injuries. 

"I wasn't in control! I swear!" Shinji said and sobbed some more. 

"It's okay Shinji, he knows you didn't mean to," a familiar voice said. Shinji looked up to see Kensuke next to Toji.

"Yea, I don't blame you man… I blame NERV," Toji said. Shinji felt tears come to his eyes.

"I'm so sorry… I screwed your life up… It was my fault… if I just would have defeated the EVA, and not let him take over… it's my fault," Shinji rambled on, feeling the fresh tears stream down his cheeks.

Toji wiped his eyes with his uninjured hand.

"Would you shut up already? You're making me fucking cry! It's so un-manly!" Toji said. 

Shinji smiled a little, his tears still falling.

"Why don't you come in? We'll… talk," Toji asked.

Shinji gladly accepted.

*~*~*~*~*

"The time for you to fulfill your purpose is coming."

"Yes sir. What do you want me to do."

"You know what you have to do. Just follow your instinct. You will do fine."

"Yes sir. What about Shinji?"

"Your purpose will push the third to his own purpose. Do not worry about anything but your own."

"Yes sir."

*~*~*~*~*

"That's your sister?" Shinji asked, looking at the picture of Toji's sibling.

She looked young, happy, and carefree. Shinji felt pained to know that she was now hurt because of something he had done.

"Hey, Shinji. Don't get down about this man. It's just another one of life's little bitch-slaps. I'll be fine, I promise. NERV said they're gonna get me the new prototype leg they have, which looks a hell of a lot better than this stub. Don't worry Shinji, everything will be fine," Toji said, patting Shinji on the back with his uninjured hand.

"Thanks Toji," Shinji said, his eyes finally dry of tears.

"Now, let's play some video games!" Kensuke said cheerfully.

The three friends laughed and spent the rest of the day together, until nighttime, when Shinji bade them farewell, and made his way to Kaji's.

*~*~*~*~*

Rei waited for her lover in the darkness. The park was warm in the night and the moonlight lit the trees and the spot perfectly.

The soft breeze was ruffling through the grass so it disguised Shinji's footsteps. He was there at midnight, as he had promised.

He came up behind his girlfriend, who was standing on a slight hill, and nibbled playfully on her ear.

She smiled and turned around. The two kissed and had their arms around each other.

Not a word was uttered. The only guide to their encounter was their hearts, which seemed to beat as one, and their bodies, which eventually became one. 

Shinji lay down next to Rei on a blanket she had laid out. She smiled at him and he fell asleep in her arms, but she eventually had to leave him. He slept through the night, however, like a baby. The first good night's sleep he had gotten in a long while.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Author's notes: These chapters are coming fast, I know. But I think I'm seeing exactly where this is going, and I hope you come along for the ride, and enjoy it. Until later.

~Mosher-24


	12. Zeruel

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion…

Okay, I've got new ideas and I can't go without writing, so here comes another chapter out quick for your reading pleasure. I'm kinda hyper right now, and I'm listening to Metallica, and I'm going to a Sevendust concert tonight, so I have decided to make this a mostly WAFFy chapter and give the guys a break, sound okay to you? Rated R for language, violence, and sexuality. (there is a very gory part at the end) J 

Story Title: Masochistic 

Author: Mosher-24

Chapter Twelve: Zeruel

*~*~*~*~*~*

Shinji woke upon the hill, morning dew soaking his bare body. His clothes were to his right, on the blanket, but they were wet too.

The morning was still dark, a small amount of light flowing over the trees and the ground. Shinji smiled and grabbed his clothes.

I'm already wet, what could it hurt? Shinji thought to himself. He felt the damp garments stick to his skin like Velcro and he walked uncomfortably out of the park and toward Kaji's house, which was a good twenty blocks away.

"Hey, need a ride?" said a man who pulled up in a green SUV. It was Kaji, who looked tired as well. He had a cigarette in his mouth, as usual, but he was not puffing on it. His features were sunken with fatigue and his chin had unshaved stubble on it.

"Yea, I could use one," Shinji said, getting into the passenger's seat. Toji took off down the street, avoiding the other cars and pulled down his street.

"Have a fun night?" Kaji asked with suggested humor. Shinji laughed, but didn't reply. Kaji laughed too, knowing that 'Yea, but I'm not going to tell you,' attitude all too well from his own teenage days.

The SUV pulled into the driveway and Shinji got out, followed by Kaji, who opened the door for him. The house was dark and smelled of smoke, but to Shinji, it was fast becoming home.

The third child went straight to his room and changed into a fresh school uniform. It felt good compared to the wet one, but he still hated the uniform. He didn't see why they had to still wear it.

"Go to school, if you want. I'm going to get some sleep," Kaji said, going upstairs to his room. Shinji heard a flop as Kaji fell on his bed, and snoring ensued almost immediately.

Shinji laughed softly and went out the door, shutting it behind him. 

It was beautiful outside, except for the buildings.

The sky was bright blue, without a cloud in sight. The trees were lush green and wherever one was lucky enough to find grass, it was lush and green too. Flowers bloomed rarely along the patches of grass, and a couple birds were even singing in the sky.

A slight breeze blew past Shinji and he smiled. It was the best day to walk to school.

However, after twenty blocks, he was thinking it wasn't such a great walk after all.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Sir?"  
  


"Yes Akagi."

"We have an Angel on radar."

"ETA?"

"About ten hours sir."

"Hmm. Don't worry about it yet."

"Why not?"

"Commencement is not yet done. Give it time doctor."  
  


"Yes sir."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Shinji finally reached the school, already worn out. He knew he was late, about two hours late. Just as he reached for the front door, a hand touched him on the shoulder. He turned to see Rei with a small smile on her face. She had a large basket in her other hand.

"Hey," Shinji said, not knowing what else to say. 

Rei looked more beautiful than he had ever seen her. Her hair was slightly wet, as was her face, with little droplets of water on it. She was wearing a beautiful black dress with black shoes to match. She had a little make-up on, but she didn't need a lot. A touch of eye shadow and some lip-gloss and Shinji was already drooling.

"You look… amazing," Shinji was finally able to say. He had stuttered for minutes, just staring at her. She blushed a little bit and grabbed his hand.

"Come on. We don't need to go to school right now," she said. Shinji just nodded and let her lead him.

They went passed the pool, past the parking lots, and into the woods. After several minutes of walking, they got to a clearing. The trees were in a circle, and a perfectly flat spot was already laid out with blankets.

"A picnic?" Shinji asked, with a smile on his face.

Rei smiled too, "Yes, a picnic."

The two sat down on the blanket and Shinji checked his watch.

"It's not lunchtime yet," he said, pulling the watch away from his face.

"I know," Rei replied. She scooted over next to him and leaned against his shoulder. He put his arms around her and held her close.

"We won't be able to skip often Shinji. The school will get involved, and even worse, NERV," Rei said sadly.

"I know, but let's just enjoy all the time we can," Shinji said, closing his eyes and kissing her neck. She smiled and nodded.

For a whole hour, the two just sat there, cuddling, not talking. 

"Let's eat," Rei said with a grin as her stomach grumbled. Shinji smiled too and they set out plates and silverware.

"What'd you bring?" Shinji asked, looking over at the basket.

"Lots of different foods," Rei replied, opening it up.

There was potato salad, various fruits and vegetables, garden burgers, french fries, pasta salad, rolls, water, milk, and yogurt. Shinji stared and then smiled. It was going to be a good lunch.

The two teens ate and talked and laughed, and fed each other, but were laughing so they dropped the food, and laughed harder. Eventually, the two were just lying down, laughing. 

After a few minutes, the laughter died down and they stared at the sky, which was perfect blue.

Rei reached out her hand and grabbed Shinji's. He clasped his hand around hers and the two just looked up at the sky, lying next to each other.

"How long have we been going out, Rei?" Shinji asked. 

"8 months," Rei replied serenely, her eyes still closed.

"What… what do you think about… marriage?" Shinji asked timidly.

"I haven't thought much about it, Shinji," Rei replied carelessly.

"I mean, between you and me,"

"Hmm… I haven't thought much about that either,"

"Do you think it's too early to consider it?"

"I think that it's not a matter of how early or late one is in speaking of these things, I think it has to do with emotions."

"So… based on how you feel about me, and I feel about you, what would you think about marriage?" 

Rei knew she was beating around the bush with him, and playing a cruel game, but she also knew her fate. Her purpose. And she didn't want Shinji hurt.

"I love you Shinji. I think marriage would be an excellent thing to discuss after the angel's are defeated," she replied, trying to word it correctly.

Shinji smiled and nodded, "you're right."

Rei rolled on her side and faced Shinji. They smiled at each other and leaned in for a kiss. But as their lips almost touched, Shinji gasped and drew back, holding his head.

"Shinji, what's wrong?" Rei asked desperately, afraid she may have hurt him. He curled up for a few minutes before uncurling and sitting up, looking around.

"I… I don't know. I felt a pain, and then a warmth and I'm fine now… fine," Shinji said distantly. Though, he didn't know if he was fine or not. He was much more aware of his surroundings. He could tell much more about the trees than he could before, though he didn't know why. He could sense what they were feeling, or what they wanted.

He turned to look at Rei, and he was much more aware of her than he had been before. He could sense spots on her body that he knew would drive her wild, he could also sense her fear of what had just happened. He could sense her love.

"I'm fine Rei, I promise. Just a little tweak, sorry," Shinji said, with a smile of apology. He kissed Rei on the lips and she kissed back, though he could still sense her worry.

Shinji mentally grinned and started to his her neck and slowly moved to a spot on her lower neck that he could sense would drive her crazy.

He kissed the spot, and slowly caressed the skin with his lips. Rei gasped and grasped her hands tightly on Shinji's shoulders. He could sense the worry disappear and turn into pleasure and excitement. 

Shinji was beside himself with happiness at what he found himself able to do to Rei. She was also beside herself with happiness at what Shinji was able to do to her.

*~*~*~*~*

  
"Sir. Commencement has begun," Akagi said to the Commander. She could feel his smile, though she could not see him.

"Very good. Sound the angel alarm when you feel is best," Gendo replied.

Akagi bowed and left and decided not to tell him about what Rei and Shinji were doing at that moment.

*~*~*~*~*

Shinji was holding Rei in his arms, a smile upon his face. She was leaning back against his shoulder, sitting in his lap. Shinji had his arms around her torso and they were sitting in silence again.

Out of the silence, came an awful, high-pitched alarm. Shinji recognized it as the angel attack alarm and his eyes widened.

"Is that… what I think it is?" Shinji asked.

"The angel alarm…" Rei said.

The two stood up and looked at each other, then to the city.

"Let's go!" Shinji said and they ran off to the city not bothering to pick up the food and dirty dishes.

As the two got to the school, they saw the students going into the shelter. They ran past them and past the grounds to the NERV entrance up the street. It was hidden in an old building and had the card reader next to an old crate. 

Rei swiped her card through and they entered the long hallways of NERV. The two ran to an elevator and pushed the call button and hit the level for the EVA cages. The elevator descended quickly and they soon found themselves outside of the locker rooms.

Asuka was running out as Rei and Shinji got there.

"It's about time you two!" she yelled, and his Shinji over the head. He was in too much of a hurry to care, though. 

He and Rei were dressed in their plug suits in a matter of minutes and were running down the long hallway to the EVA cages as they felt a large explosion rock the whole network. 

"What the hell?" Shinji yelled as he fell to the ground. Rei helped him up and they double-timed it to the cages, where they were hurriedly placed inside their respective EVAs. 

"Activated Units 01 and 00, now. Launching Unit 02, now!" Maya said from the control room. Shinji saw the red EVA rocket up through the elevators to the surface and felt the plug fill with LCL.

"Once you two are at the surface, Units 02 and 00 will pull back and Unit-01 will engage the Angel," Ritsuko said over the communication link.

"What?" Shinji said in disbelief.

"Don't question orders. You are to engage the angel, understand?" Gendo's cold voice called from the link.

"Yes sir," Shinji replied, feeling his hatred for his father burn in his stomach.

"Unit 00 and 01 activated. Launching," Maya said. Shinji felt the EVA stabilize and barely realized he was submersed in LCL. His vision went through the normal color change, and then went back to normal as he shot up the elevator.

"Unit 02, pull back now," Misato said through the link.

"Why?" Asuka asked, sounding pissed off.

"Those are your orders second child. Now PULL BACK!" Ritsuko said, sounding even more pissed off.

"Yeah, whatever," Asuka said, but she acknowledged and pulled back to a safe spot.

When Shinji hit the surface, he saw a very large angel a few hundred kilometers away. It had large blade-like arms and stood roughly ten meters taller than his own EVA. 

Then, Shinji saw the devastation. The angel had somehow destroyed a large part of the city, the buildings were totally melted, and even parts of NERV could be seen through the hole, as they were burned too.

Shinji moved toward it, cautious of its arms. He could start to feel its weak spots, and pinpointed one at its chest, most likely its core.

"Attack," Gendo said quietly.

Shinji willed his EVA to draw its progressive knife and circle the angel, which was now aware of his presence.

'Who are you?' said a deep voice.

Shinji ran at the angel and slashed out at its chest, but it jumped back and kicked 01 in the gut. Shinji groaned and his EVA flew backward, knocking into a building. 

"Argh," he grumbled. 01stood back up and he circled the angel again, but it's blade arm slashed out. Shinji dodged just in time for the first one, but was caught by the second one and throw back. He felt a burn on his arm, which had been slashed.

The angel leapt into the air and landed on top of 01. It's blade arms started to slice 01 all over and Shinji screamed in pain. The angel then began to yank on his EVAs arm, which was slowly being pulled from the socket. 

"AHHH!" Shinji screamed, just when he wished for death, the angel sliced his EVAs arm off. 

"Dammit," Misato mumbled, chewing on her thumbnail. Things weren't looking good for Shinji.

Shinji felt a drilling pain at his chest just as NERV cut his synch.

He sat in the plug, crying in pain.

"I'm a failure… I'm a failure… I'm a failure… I'm a failure… I'm a failure… I'm a failure…" Shinji repeated over and over. He began to scream and he didn't know quite why.

*~*~*~*~*

"Units 02 and 00 move in to help…. wait," Ritsuko was cut off in mid sentence as she observed 01's readings. It was restarting!

"How in the hell?" Maya said in disbelief.

An earsplitting roar rattled NERV's control room, but it wasn't the EVA or angel who had done it. It had been Shinji.

Unit 01 had restarted and as kicking the angel off of it. The cockpit camera showed Shinji sitting there, his eyes rolled back into his pitiful looking head. He was bleeding from his nose and mouth, and seemed to be mumbling to himself.

01 jumped on the angel and punched its face, which had a crystal like substance on it. It cracked easily and 01 grabbed its arm and yanked it off. The angel gave a cry of pain and blood began to spurt everywhere.

01 forced the angel's severed arm to its own severed arm, and miraculously, it adhered and forged together to make one arm.

"Synch ratio at 400%!" Maya screamed.

Gendo smiled and turned to Fuyutsuki.

"It's started," he said.

"I know, Gendo. I know…" Fuyutsuki said quietly.

01 began to rip the breast armor off the angel as it screamed. Its blood was now covering Unit-01, but it didn't stop. It ripped off the armor and began to eat its organs, taking in its S2 engine without knowing it.

*~*~*~*~*

Rei watched in horror as 01 ate parts of the angel, which was now very much dead. Blood dripped from 01's evil looking face and mouth as it swallowed an intestine.

"Shinji…" she whispered.

*~*~*~*~*

Shinji snapped out of his trance as if he had been slapped. He looked around and saw the mangled angel under him, and saw the ripped insides and instantly screamed.

"Eject yourself, third," Gendo said calmly.

"No! Never! You turned me into a monster you old bastard!" Shinji screamed.

"Stop right now, or I shall have you thrown in the brig for insubordination," Gendo replied coolly.

"Fuck you! I hate you! I'll blow the rest of NERV up!" Shinji yelled.

"Have it your way then," Gendo replied.

Shinji felt an immense pain and pressure and was soon knocked out, hearing only "Shinji!" screamed by his lover before everything went blank.

Continued…

  
Author's Notes: That chapter started out okay, I hope the fight scene wasn't too much. It will all come together in the end though. Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times, until it has come to a complete stop.

~Mosher-24


	13. Awake and Breathing

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion…

Hey, sorry it's been so long. I got grounded… lol. Anyway, I'm back with new chapters. I've also got great ideas for other stories, Evangelion and others alike. I think I'm going to release a Pokemon story. AH! YES! Don't worry though, it'll be plenty good. Dark, dramatic, action packed… sexy. Lol, I promise it'll be worth your while. As soon as I figure out the finer points it'll be released. Along with a Gundam Wing fic, maybe a Robotech fic, and an original fiction! Finally, I will have an original fic, maybe two. Anyway, enough gibbering and onto the story!

Story rated R for violence, language, and sexuality.

Story Title: Masochist

Author: Mosher-24

Chapter Thirteen: Awake and breathing

~*~*~*~*

Shinji's eyes had glazed over from the constant darkness and isolation. He had been in the brig for eight days, without any contact with a human, save being thrown in. His food was slid in from behind him, in a hole at the bottom of a metal wall.

The cell was in pitch-blackness. Shinji had to find his way around by feel to find the toilet to relieve himself and throw up. Now, more than ever before, he hated his father.

There was a constant drip of water in the distance, perhaps some rusty old water pipe. The relentless repetition of the drip had all but driven him mad, quietly creeping into his brain and sending him on his way towards insanity.

Shinji sat on the floor, which was also metal, cold and hard and smooth. He hugged his knees to his chest, though he could not see them. 

Shinji had long since grown used to the darkness and its secrets, knew that there was nothing to fear, because the only other organic thing that made noise was the water. 

Shinji was again thinking of Rei, the only thing that kept his sane: the image of her mystical beauty and grace. Her crimson eyes softening at the sight of him, her usually frowning mouth upturned into a soft smile at the sight of him, the blue hair was rested perfectly on her head and framed her face. A tear rolled down Shinji's cheek, though he could not feel it. He was numb, for it had gotten very cold in the cell, but he didn't care to notice.

Shinji couldn't sense anything. There was nothing organic emitting any energy but himself. Even the water seemed to be dead. The third looked to the ground, though he did not actually see it. There was a jagged piece of metal there somewhere. 

His hands went to the ground, searching for the treasure. When he felt his hands close around it, a sick smile lit on his face. 

Since he had been thrown into his prison cell, he had found a jagged piece of metal and gave himself a slash for everyday spent in the dark. Today he gave himself an eighth slash and felt the sickening, horribly addictive pain. Blood dripped to the floor, joining the ever-present water drips.

Shinji let fall the makeshift dagger and let his wound bleed until it healed. Rei flashed into his mind again and he felt ashamed of his addiction, but justified. No one deserved pain more than him in his mind, save his own father.

The lights suddenly went on, blinding Shinji temporarily. Had he been paying any attention, he would have noticed that he could sense a person coming to his cell.

"Well, have you learned your lesson, Shinji?" a womanly voice asked from a doorway that had opened up behind him. He could not see her, for the light was too bright. She looked like some angelic form outlined by the light of God. Shinji waved off this foolishness and recognized the voice for who it really was.

"Dr. Akagi, what lesson?" Shinji replied, being able to see her somewhat now.

"Why, you shouldn't speak like you were Third. It was a very real threat, and because you were crazed, you didn't mean it. Will it happen again?" she asked gently.

"No, it will not, doctor," Shinji replied, sounding calm, but on the inside was raging with anger and hatred for his father and his father's whore.

"Very well, you may go back to Miss Katsuragi's now," Ritsuko said with a smile. Shinji could now see her well enough to make out her features and saw she wasn't joking.

"What about Mr. Kaji?" Shinji asked, getting to his feet, forgetting the pool of blood and the stains left from his crude way of keeping time. 

"Kaji is… busy. He will not be in Tokyo-3 for another few days and he will not have time for you when he returns. Misato has personally requested you be relocated back with her."

"Really? I can go straight to her house?" 

"Straight to her house. Don't stop anywhere else, lest you be put back here. You shall not go to school for the rest of the week, today is Wednesday. Sleep and recover your strength. Oh, and Rei is not feeling well. You are not to see her," Ritsuko added this last comment with an emphasis. 

"Yes ma'am," Shinji said, having no intention of following this rule.

Doctor Akagi stepped aside and let Shinji walk through the door. He found himself in an abandoned hallway, which happened to be brightly lit. There was only one other door, and that was to an elevator. 

"Take the elevator to Level G and you'll find yourself outside Misato's apartment," Ritsuko said. She walked into the cell and closed the door; to clean what Shinji had left behind.

Shinji practically jumped into the elevator, his arm still stinging from the cut, and pushed the button labeled, 'Level G'. 

The elevator was quite fast, and it appeared Shinji was quite a ways bellow ground, for it took five minutes before the elevator came to a rest.

When the doors opened, he found it was night. The elevator was in the doorway of an old building that read, 'No trespassing!' Shinji stepped out of the elevator and it shut and went back down. He marveled at the intricacy of the NERV underground systems for a moment before turning to the apartment complex.

It somehow glowed in the night. The building was only a couple stories high, but it meant home for him. The parking lot was almost empty except for Misato's sports car. Dust, grime, and dirt lined the walls and cement, but that was the only time Shinji found himself happy to be around it.  

He crossed the street and entered the only door to the stairs that led to the second floor. Shinji closed in on the door and thought of knocking, but a key was taped to the door. It said, 'Shinji Baka.' Shinji couldn't help but smile. 

The third child's finger clasped the key and he inserted it into the door handle and turned. The door opened without a creak and he found himself looking in on a deserted living room. Snores were drifting from Misato's room and Asuka's room. 

The room hadn't changed much. There was a table where most festivities took place. A couch, a TV, a plant, a window, and a bar that encircled the kitchen. Pen-Pen was sleeping on the couch, a Yebisu beer clutched under his wing.

Shinji also found his stuff on the table. His cell phone, book bag, keys, and a bag of clothes. Shinji hurriedly picked up the cell phone and dialed the number.

It rang three times before someone picked up. The voice was groggy and far away.

"Hello?"

"Rei!"

"Shinji? You're out? I was so worried!"

"Rei! What's wrong? You don't sound well at all!"

"I'm just feeling a little sick, that's all. I'll be out of school all week."

"Me too. What're your symptoms?" 

"Just… nausea and headache. Nothing serious. But I need to go to bed, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay." 

"I love you Shinji."

"I love you too Rei. I love you too…" 

*Click*

Shinji stared at his phone and set it back down on the table. Rei had sounded dreadful. He quickly made up his mind and left a note on the table telling Misato where he'd gone. After the note was in place, he left in a hurry, down the stairs and onto the street.

It was a cool night, no breeze, but no real heat either. Shinji walked quickly down the almost deserted streets, crossing here and there, making his way to Rei's apartment. No people were walking, and only a few cars drove past, most of which where people getting out of town.

The city was aglow, however. It radiated a golden light, mostly from the beautiful street lamps, which where inside square paper box decorated in flowers and calligraphy. 

Shinji came upon his destination. Rei's apartment complex was deserted except for her. The construction noises had stopped, being since it was night. Shinji walked into the building, climbed the four flights of stairs and walked to her door. It was unlocked, since she needed no such security measures in an abandoned apartment complex.

Shinji slowly pushed open the door and silently crept in, closing the door soundlessly behind him. Rei was standing at the only window in her apartment, staring out at Tokyo-3. 

Shinji moved up beside her and stared out with her. She had no idea of his presence, so he looked out at what she was gazing at.

It was the only time Shinji loved Tokyo-3. It was dark except for the golden glow of lights. The clouds weren't blocking anything from view, and the moon softly reflected the sun's light upon Earth. 

"Beautiful," Shinji whispered in Rei's ear. She jumped and turned to look at him.

Shinji gasped. The apartment was light only by the light of the city, but Shinji could still see well after being in darkness for eight days. Rei was completely pale, even more so than usual. Her face was devoid of color. Her eyes were dull, glazed, and her veins were showing. 

"Shinji! You shouldn't be here!" Rei said, turning away from him.

"What happened?" Shinji asked, ignoring her comment. He turned her back to face him and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing… I just got a bad case of… the flu. It's contagious, you shouldn't be here," Rei said again. She was lying and Shinji knew it, though he did not press matters. Rei had been to the machine again, but she wasn't about to tell Shinji what the price for their love was.

"You don't look well yourself, Shinji," Rei said, looking at her lover. He was also pale, after not seeing sunlight for so long. His pupils were heavily dilated, still used to the utter darkness. 

"Rei, are you going to be okay?" Shinji asked. She nodded, though she knew she would not be okay.

"I love you," she whispered. Shinji took her in his arms and kissed her softly. He whispered sweet things in her ear and gently blew on it, kissing her neck in between times.

She closed her eyes and let him lay her on the bed. He kissed her again softly, but then just took her in his arms and held her there. She had no objections, for she was extremely tired, and they fell asleep in each other's arms.

~*~*~*~*~*

"Where is that little idiot!? It's nine!" Asuka yelled.

"Shouldn't you be in school though?" Misato suggested, taking her morning beer.

"No! I need to give the little twerp a proper hello, after all, don't I?" Asuka said hotly. Misato only nodded and took a big gulp of her beverage.

Shinji came in through the door ten minutes later and was tackled by three bodies, one a small penguin, one a beautiful teenager, one a beautiful adult.

They all smothered him with hello's, a hit in the face included in Asuka's. Soon, he was telling them what had happened down in the prison cell, leaving out the detail about his cutting.

~~~~~~~~~ Continued

Author's Notes: Hoped you liked this chapter. It's a little break from all the violence, language and gore stuff. Anyway, I'm tired. Good night.

~Mosher-24


	14. Mind Rape should be illegal

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

Hey, you guys don't have to wait very long! Thank you for all the great feedback! Same alerts as last chapter: look for new stories, when I get the time to write on those ones and finish this one. I'll update Breaking Down Walls and Valentine soon! I promise!

This story is rated R for language, violence, and sexual content.

Story Title: Masochistic

Author: Mosher-24

Chapter Fourteen: Mind rape should be illegal…

~*~*~*~*

The day had passed without incident. Asuka had gone to school, after properly reaming Shinji for fixing her breakfast in the wrong way. Misato was hung over, but happy, and Pen-Pen kept hugging Shinji's leg.

Despite being yelled at and hit by Asuka, Shinji was happy. This apartment was home to him, no matter how cool Kaji was, or what he let Shinji do. Misato was always his mom, Asuka always his sister.

Through the time he had been at Kaji's, he had grown apart from Misato and Asuka, seeing them only in NERV emergencies and tests.

Now that he was back, he could get close to them again, become a family again. 

Shinji cleaned off the last of the dishes from the small table. There was a smoking pan, still smelling of the eggs that had just occupied it a few minutes before. He took the pan to the kitchen and put it in the sink, letting cold water run over it. 

He took his apron off and hung it on a hook on the wall. The apartment smelled of eggs and toast now, light filtering in through the open blinds on the windows by the TV. The kitchen was littered with dirty dishes, beer cans, and paper towels and napkins.

Misato was lying on the couch, mumbling about her headache. Shinji went to the bathroom and got some acetaminophen, then brought her a glass of water to swallow the pill with.

"Thank you Shinji. It's good to have you back," Misato said with a smile. She swallowed the pill and put the glass back down. Her eyes were rimmed with redness from the exertion of work.

"I'll clean the rest up," Shinji said, taking her glass and putting it into the dishwasher. He took time to rinse off the rest of the dirty dishes and put them into the washer too, before putting it on the quick wash setting and closing the door. The washer started almost immediately.

"So… Misato… do you know anything about the strange events with Rei?" Shinji asked delicately, not knowing whether it was too classified for him.

Misato, still being hung over and not able to think right, did not remember that Shinji was not supposed to know.

"The Commander does not want you and Rei to be together… He tortured Rei in the machine thing and she still didn't listen, so she's been frequented by Dr. Akagi, who's been injecting her in her home with the drugs… Uhgn," Misato groaned. She put her head in her hands and sighed.

"I think I need to retire to my room, Shinji. Don't light the house on fire, okay?" Misato said, getting up and lumbering off to her room. Shinji stared after her, astonished by the news about Rei.

Dad… how could you?! Shinji thought angrily. His lips pressed together tightly, turning white and forming a thin line. He started to shake with anger and Pen-Pen backed off.

Misato's even breathing from the other room calmed Shinji down. He looked at Pen-Pen, who backed off more.

"I'm not gonna hurt you buddy. I just don't understand why Rei never told me…" Shinji said to the little penguin. Pen-Pen shrugged and grabbed his beer. He sat down on the couch and slapped the remote to turn the television on. Shinji went into his room, which was back in the closet where it used to be.

The room was a bit different. His Cello was sitting out since Shinji was too lazy to put it away after playing it. The desk was on the opposite side as it had previously been and his bed had black sheets instead of white. His closet was again full of school uniforms and only a couple pairs of jeans. 

Shinji had thrown out his SDAT, having worn out the classical tape. He had a knife tucked away in the desk, but he wasn't interested right now. He picked up his cell phone and dialed Rei's number.

The phone rang before going over to Rei's voice mail.

"You have reached Rei Ayanami's voice mail. Please leave a message after the tone," Rei's soft voice said in Shinji's ear. Hearing her calmed Shinji down and stopped his shaking. 

"Rei? Well, call me on my cell phone when you get this, okay? I need to talk to you," Shinji said after the tone. He added, "I love you," and hung up. 

Shakily, he reached into the desk and retrieved the knife. Staring down at it, he sighed and put it back. 

"No… not now," he said to no one. He reached down and pulled the cello to him, sitting down on his bed and standing the cello up. He grabbed the bow and gently drug it over the strings. 

A soft note rang through his room; he then brought it heavily over another string and created a harsher, louder note. Melody swept over his room, gentle, then angry and loud, then peaceful and continuing in a circle that was so complete, so life like, that Shinji wrote it down on a piece of paper and entitled it 'Sonata of Life'. There were three parts named 'Birth', 'Love', and 'Death'. All together, it was about twenty minutes. 

Unbeknownst to Shinji, Rei was watching from his door with a soft smile on her face. When Shinji was done with his newly composed song, he looked down at the cello and put it into its leather case. 

When the cello was away, Shinji stood and reached for the knife once more. The smell of cedar met his nose when he opened the drawer. He smiled and brought the gleaming knife out. The handle was black and the blade was serrated at the edge. 

The third child brought the knife to his forearm, which was scarred with cuts already. As he was about to slash, a cold hand pressed against his and brought the knife away. Another hand caressed his cheek and he looked up to see Rei's crimson eyes staring into his. She was wearing a loose cardigan shirt and the school skirt. 

"Please don't Shinji… I cannot see you hurt yourself," Rei whispered. Shinji stared into her eyes and dropped the knife to the floor. He felt his addiction die with the fall. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her ear. He felt a sudden flash of excitement flood through her and she shivered at his breath on her ear. She nodded and looked up into his eyes.

"I love you," she said. 

"I love you too," he replied, gently drawing her face to his. He kissed her deeply and put his arms around her. She pressed herself against him and kissed him back. 

  
Everything seemed to blur to Shinji except for his lover, who was ever present to him. He gently brushed his fingers against her sides, under her shirt and up her sides, then gently up the small of her back, to her mid-back. He undid the fastening on her bra and let it fall out from under her loose shirt.

He heard a sharp intake of breath as he brought his hands around to her stomach and moved his hands up her shirt to her breasts.

Rei whispered, "I love you," into his ear and kissed his neck.

Shinji unbuttoned the cardigan and let it fall to the floor next to her bra. He gently laid Rei out on the bed and kissed her neck, down her chest and her stomach. He pulled her skirt down and threw it to the floor. 

Rei wrapped her legs around Shinji after his own pants fell to the floor. She moaned as he kissed her neck again and pushed himself into her once more.

*~*~*~*~*

"Sir?" Ritsuko risked as she lay in bed next to the commander, just putting her phone down from talking to Maya. 

"Yes Akagi," Gendo answered, his back to the blonde doctor.

"Lieutenant Ibuki can't find Ayanami. She isn't at her house or at NERV… which means she is probably at Katsuragi's house…" 

"Yes… How will we get it through that girl's head? Do we have any agents on hand?"

"No sir, we have bigger problems. There's a blue pattern A.T. field on its way to NERV, traveling extremely fast. It'll be here in two hours," 

"Okay… Issue the angel alarm and summon the pilots. We'll deal with Rei later. Let's get to work," Gendo said, standing up and pulling his pants on. 

Ritsuko sighed and stood also, getting ready.

*~*~*~*~*

Asuka was just grabbing her backpack when she heard the angel alarm whine and spread throughout the whole city.

The students in the hallway began screaming and running for the angel shelters. 

"Dammit! I'll see you later Hikari!" Asuka yelled to her friend before running out of the school. The streets were devoid of human life as Asuka ran down the middle of the road. She turned right to an old building with a secret NERV entrance. She swiped her card and entered the endless maze of hallways. 

Turning right, left, right and then right, she ended up at the elevator and swiped her card through the middle of the numbers. The elevator hummed to life and carried her down to the changing room before the EVA cages.

Rei and Shinji were exiting the changing room right as she arrived, already in their respective plug suits. Asuka ran into the room and quickly changed into her suit and pressurized it.

As she ran to the EVA cages, unit-00 and 01 were being launched. She ran to 02 and entered the plug. It was empty except for the chair with the control yokes. She sat in it and waited for the control tower to initiate her EVA.

A slow vibration started through her body, reverberating within the tiny shell of an entry plug. The most beautiful color spectrum she'd ever seen passed over her eyes and she saw the EVA being lifted to the surface. She began to synch into the EVA and felt the extremities come to life.

"Asuka! Don't walk too close! This angel is in an orbit around Earth and appears to have strong enough powers to reach down here. Beacons one and two are all static and the new proximity matrices around NERV are going haywire. It seems to have a strange amount of kinetic energy. N2 mines have no effect and electromagnetic attacks don't do anything. Relatively speaking, we're fucked if we don't figure something out soon," Misato said over the comm. net. 

"Oh, come on! This thing isn't that powerful!" Asuka yelled. She willed her EVA forward and picked up a riffle. Aiming the targeting crosshair, she fired off into the air where the black speck of the angel loomed in the air. 

Rei, who was usually reticent, called out for her to stop, but it was too late. Asuka's scream echoed throughout all the comm. net channels. 

"No! No! OUT of my head!" the second child screamed. She grabbed her head and curled up in her seat. 

'Mommy! I'm back! Look what I got from Marcy! Mommy-!' 

There she was… hanging from the ceiling on a rope she had tied on a pipeline. She had broken a hole in the ceiling to reach the pipeline. Her eyes were getting darker and she had enough energy left to smile at her daughter before closing her eyes and drifting off into nothingness. 

A trickle of blood had started from her mouth and her right ear. Her face was already pale from the loss of blood. 

  
Asuka stood and stared at her mother, now dead to her forever without a goodbye or an 'I love you' between them. She fell to her knees and began to sob, forgetting the dull gray living room where she had so often played games with her mother; braiding hair, cards, board games. A salty taste in her mouth meant that a stream of her tears had crept into the corner of her mouth.

'You know, you were the reason she killed herself,' came a harsh, cold, unisex voice.

"NO! No I wasn't! She loved me! Mommy!" Asuka screamed. To everyone else but Asuka, it appeared she was talking to herself. She was crying now, grasping her head, and trying to get the angel out.

'No, she never loved you. You were only a burden, as you are now. You are good for nothing,' the angel said into her ear, a voice of venom, poisoning Asuka's very life, and worse: her mind.

A large amount of pain shot through her body and she began to shake and convulse, sobbing into her hands. She had ripped out chunks of her hair by now. 

'And your dad… He never loved you. That's why he hurt you,' the angel said, bringing up an image from her deep, dark past involving her father's sexually abusive tendencies. Asuka screamed and writhed in her chair, shutting her eyes so hard that they began to numb.

"STOP! PLEASE!" she screamed, begging for her sanity. Her tears turned to blood and she got a steady nosebleed from the pain inflicted on her.

"Cut synch," Gendo ordered. Asuka was left sobbing in the dark, her EVA shut off. 

"Rei. Get the lance," Gendo said. 

"But sir? What about the angel?" Rei said, referring to Adam. 

"Don't worry about it. It's time," Gendo said.

"Yes sir," Rei replied, willing her EVA to head to the depths of terminal dogma. Shinji watched her go, wondering what the hell the Commander was talking about.

"What do I do?" Shinji asked, feeling useless.

"Wait," Gendo replied, his voice even.

Shinji sighed and looked up at the angel. His vision flashed and he was looking at his mother again, in the depths of NERV. She disappeared from his sight, him looking on helplessly as she died. 

"Stop." Shinji commanded simply. The angel sent a burning pain down his spine and caused him to cry out. 

Rei hurried through the last door of terminal dogma to Adam. He was crucified on the cross with the Lance of Longinus sticking from his chest. His torso was still sprouting human legs, and he was still bleeding into the machine that made LCL.

00 pulled the lance from its chest and started back. Rei could hear her lover screaming and she hurried the EVA faster. 

It went through the doors as if in a dream, Rei only focusing on her lovers suffering. She came to the spot where 01 and 02 were on the ground, both having their synch cut. Rei pulled back her arm and let the lance fly. It went at sonic speed and impaled the angel, which blew up, sending shards of itself back to the surface, along with the lance. 

Later, when they retrieved Asuka from her entry plug, she was rocking back and forth, her knees hugged to her chest, singing 'I'm a little tea-pot' and smiling evilly. They sent her to the psychiatric division of the infirmary. 

Shinji woke in the infirmary to see the dreaded ceiling, but what disappointed him more was that Rei was not there. In fact, no one but Fuyutsuki and Gendo knew where she was, which meant she was again at the machine. 

Continued…..

Author's Notes: A smaller chapter. Sorry. I'll make the next one longer. 


	15. Parting is such sweet sorrow

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion…

All right, time to clear some stuff up. I know that the angel crucified in central dogma is in fact Lilith instead of Adam, but in the manga, Kaji does NOT know that it is Lilith and not Adam, thus, Shinji and Misato don't know and anyone else that would know won't refer to it as Adam simply because they do not want others knowing. Kapeesh? Also, the simple reason for Rei showing emotion is that Shinji is the only one who has made her feel what she has and the only one who would have those same feelings to her. It's Rei/Shinji and it NEEDS to be OOCC sometimes, okay? It's fan fiction, I'm following the whole Evangelion story but I do NOT have to make it the exact same, then it wouldn't be fan fiction. Right? It wouldn't be worth reading if it were just the written version of what happened in the show. Anyway, I'm done babbling. This story is rated R. 

Story Title: Masochistic

Author: Mosher-24

Chapter Fifteen: Parting is such sweet sorrow…

*~*~*~*~*~*

The doctors had let him out of the infirmary after five days of psychological treatment for the angel's mind rape. He was visited by Rei only twice during the night, and she was only there for a few minutes.

She made very few replies to Shinji's questions about where she had been and the only answer she gave was, "I was busy." 

That made Shinji somewhat angry, but he let it pass, because he could guess that his father had something to do with it, which made him angrier with his father then he had ever been in the past.

Now that Shinji was out of the infirmary, he chose to go straight to the Tokyo-3 Mental Institution. The way there was uneventful and almost devoid of people, since many were moving out of Tokyo-3 due to the Angel crisis. 

The institution came into view after ten minutes of walking. It was a red brick building, three stories tall with windows everywhere and gardens lining the front lawn. Fences surrounded the perimeter and a couple security guards where lazily moving about the gardens. 

A large sign welcomed a visitor in Japanese. It read, "Welcome to the Tokyo-3 Mental Institution. Please sign in at front desk and enjoy your visit." Shinji scoffed a little at the white sign and walked through the front gate, which the guards opened upon seeing his NERV card, which he flashed at them nervously.

The walk into the institution was almost as long as the walk to Asuka's cell. After getting a special visitors card, he went down a right hallway towards a high security room.

The hall was white, with white walls and white marble stone floor.  The ceiling was white with several fluorescent lights lining it. 

Asuka was in room 102 on the first floor, because she would have attempted to jump out of a window if it were on a higher floor. Shinji had heard certain things about her from the infirmary from some of the friendlier doctors. 

Asuka supposedly had become dangerous and quite insane after her encounter with the mind-raping angel. Shinji had to see for himself though, not willing to believe that Asuka had finally been bested.

When Shinji reached the door, he looked long and hard at it. It was white, as the rest of the place was. The room read, "102, Asuka Langley Soryu." Shinji knocked on the door and was soon looking at a middle-aged security guard. He had a black mustache under his crooked nose and a thin mouth with a scar down the middle, where it had somehow split.

His green eyes stared at Shinji a while before he said anything, "yes?" he asked irritably. Shinji looked at him for a while and blinked, still startled by the man's sudden appearance.

"I've come to see Asuka… I'm a fellow pilot," Shinji said, looking over the man's shoulders and trying to see in the room. The man was large though, and prevented Shinji from seeing anything but the ceiling. 

"What is your name, boy?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Shinji Ikari, sir," the third replied, looking back to the man's face.

"Ikari, eh? Well, you have clearance to be in here. I want to warn you though, she's a bit loopy," the guard said, finally lightening up and getting a friendlier tone. Shinji read that his name was Mr. Long, from his nametag and badge number, which was 420.

Nothing, in his entire fifteen years of life, could have prepared him for the sight that greeted him when he walked into the room. There were mirrors on the right and left of the room, no doubt observation ports. The room was blank except for a tea table and a girl sitting in the middle with auburn hair and ice blue eyes. 

Asuka was wearing a white gown labeled 'Patient 34666D'. He immediately got tears in his eyes when he looked at her. She was paler than Rei, her eyes droopy and bloodshot. She had bruises were they had to give her shots to calm her down, or where she had hit herself in a fit. A little bit of drool had been dribbling from her mouth and her lips were dry and cracked. 

"Hello friend," she said brightly to him, looking up and waving. Shinji waved back, unable to speak.

"What brings you here? No, it's not that, shut up. What? No, he hasn't come to hurt us! He's a friend, right mister?" Asuka said, appearing to have a conversation with someone Shinji couldn't see.

Her hand was shaking and she appeared to be mumbling when Shinji didn't reply. He stared in disbelief as she grabbed a teacup from the tea table and drank the invisible liquid.

"Want some tea?" she asked sweetly. Her shaking hand offered him the cup. The third child took it and couldn't help but let the tear roll down his cheek.

"Why aren't you drinking! Shhh! You'll scare the poor boy away!" Asuka said to herself after the outburst. The cup dropped from Shinji's hand so he could wipe away the tears that had come.

"Asuka, why do you have to be like this? This isn't you… You're strong, remember?" he said softly, looking at her face. Her expression softened and she stared at him with something close to compassion, then it contorted with anger and she screamed.

"My name's not Asuka! Who are you! What do you want?" she yelled, getting to her feet. Shinji backed off, but that apparently was the wrong thing to do, because Asuka charged and gripped her hands around his neck.

"What the fuck do you want? Go away!" she screamed, squeezing around his trachea and pushing him to the ground with a malicious angry look on her once beautiful face. The guard ran up and tried to force her off, but she pushed him back and kicked him in the groin.

Shinji tried to breathe, but all he got was a burning where he knew his lungs should be. His vision was going purple and he groped at everything he could reach, which ended up being Asuka.

Blood began to drip from Shinji's left ear before Asuka finally left go, sobbing. Shinji gasped and breathed, lying on the floor. His vision took on the regular hue, but he took five minutes to catch his breath. 

"I'm sorry Shinji… I'm a prisoner… Shut up!" she screamed. The guard got up and injected her with a clear fluid and she slumped over, foaming at the mouth.

The young Ikari passed out from the lack of air and felt a warm flying sensation.

Shinji opened his eyes to see himself at Misato's apartment. He felt that he had been given a few painkillers, which would explain the strange feelings he was experiencing. He was on the couch, the TV to his left. 

Sounds from the kitchen meant someone was there, cooking. He hoped it wasn't Misato, for she had always been a lousy cook. Shinji tried to yell for Misato, but had forgotten how to speak. 

"Mmmngph," came out of his mouth. The painkillers must have been really powerful to numb all his muscles. Pen-Pen waddled up and positioned himself on Shinji's stomach, staring into his eyes.

"Wark," he said knowingly, nodding. Shinji smiled and mumbled some nonsense noise. 

"Shinji?" Misato said, coming from her room. Shinji nodded and made another noise.

"Hahaha. That's the morphine I managed to get from Ritsuko," Misato said, patting Shinji on the head.

"You'll get better in a couple minutes. It's been working for a long time already, so it'll be wearing off and you'll have a headache. Rei's in the kitchen cooking you some breakfast. It's a sunny Saturday morning!" Misato said cheerfully. 

Shinji concentrated on talking, and in a few minutes he could complete full sentences, though he still felt a little numb.

"Rei's here?" he asked eagerly. Misato nodded and smiled as Rei walked into the room. She was carrying a plate of steak and eggs, which Shinji happily accepted. He forced himself to sit up and eat the food. 

When he was done, he looked up at his lover with a large, goofy grin. She smiled back softly, haunted by the thought of what the Commander would do when he found out. Little did she know that he would do nothing, for her fate was about to be fulfilled, only a few days from then.

"I'll leave you two alone. I've heard that you haven't had a chance to… talk… er… because of the Commander," Misato said. She left without another word and Rei moved over next to Shinji.

He put his arm around her and hugged her tightly.

"Oh, Shinji. I was so scared when I heard about Asuka. I'm so glad you are okay," she said. The young Ikari kissed her deeply and assured her that he was okay, and that he would always be with her.

He had grown accustomed to the way he could always tell where to touch her, or tell what other people were feeling. He found a new gratification spot on Rei every time he saw her, and this time was no exception. 

Misato just shut her door and drank her Yebisu with Pen-Pen, who was on his second already.

Kaji moved swiftly through the silence of NERV's lower bowels. It was dark, thick, so Kaji cut through it like a knife. He had his glock nine out and was looking around, even though he couldn't see anything. Terminal Dogma was extensive and Kaji was having trouble finding his way through.

Earlier, he had passed the crucified angel Adam. He had to look away after a while, the thing's pain too intense for him to think of. Its blood was still running off into a little pool on the floor, which Kaji had to avoid.

His thoughts were consumed with the wealth of information he was going to find.  Then it went to Misato, who was now openly ready to date him, so they had dabbled a little her and there, but NERV was keeping both of them quite busy. 

They still had nightcaps though, and Kaji often left before dawn, leaving Misato to worry about him. He hadn't seen Misato for a few days, but was already planning on giving her the ring in his pocket, which was exactly her size.

Kaji loved Misato, really and truly. He didn't always show it, because of his nature, but he would give anything for Misato, which showed when he made ultimate sacrifices for her or brought tears to her eyes with sudden sweetness.

His reminiscing smile soon faded when it became apparent that there was a high security door ahead of him. He easily accessed it with the stolen card he had required. 

The inside chamber was gigantic, easily seven or eight feet above his head. It was pitch black, but there appeared to be tubes lining the walls. 

"Hello Kaji, I see you've come a little bit too far for your own good," said a male's voice. It was Commander Gendo Ikari, who was somewhere in the room, Kaji could not tell where. His voice had echoed over the immense chamber, making it impossible to reckon its origin.

"What do you mean?" Kaji asked with a grin. The Commander had let him wander around, why should this be any different?

"I mean that you have stumbled into more than you should have. Is there anything you want to know before I kill you?" Gendo asked carelessly.

"Yea, what's that Angel for?" Kaji asked, still not taking the Commander seriously.

"Lilith? Oh, she is for LCL," Gendo replied, referring to the angel being crucified.

"Lilith? No, that angel is Adam," Kaji replied, confused.

"No, it's not. You're sources had false information. Adam is surgically placed into my palm. That crucified Angel is Lilith, the mother of all. Her blood is transformed into the liquid LCL, thus its blood like smell," Gendo said evenly.

"That's sick!" Kaji said.

Though Kaji could not see it, the Commander was smiling sadistically. 

"Anything else you want to know?" he asked, loading the chamber on his 9mm, which was in his right hand. 

"Yea, what's the meaning of the universe?" Kaji asked.

"Sorry, I can't reveal my secrets," Gendo said, firing the gun at Kaji.

"But…" Kaji said, felling blood fall from his mouth and the wound in his side. A pain shot through him, an all-consuming pain driving all thought from his mind and filling it with red.

The double agent fell to the ground and Gendo smiled and walked out, leaving Kaji to bleed out.

Rei and Shinji were holding each other on the couch, the sun now setting. Misato was drunk, wandering out after she knew he coast was clear. She smiled over them, briefly wandering whether she was being a good parent, but dismissing it because she was making them happy, since the Commander could not.

She was preparing some coffee when the phone rang, loud and annoying. She picked it up immediately, since it was only a few feet to her left. 

"Hello?" she said with a slight drunken slur. She listened for a few minutes.

"What?" she yelled.

Shinji and Rei looked up from the couch, rubbing their eyes and squinting in the darkened apartment.

"You're kidding!" she screamed, hearing a hidden sob in her voice.

She listened a bit more before hanging up the phone and sobbing everything she had held since her fathers death. She cried so much her eyes hurt, and cried more. Her throat was soar from being open, but she didn't care. Her everything was gone and she cried it away, as much as she wished she could bleed it away and join him.

"What's wrong Misato?" Shinji asked, sitting next to her and putting his hand on her shoulder. She had instantly sobered up, totally void of the effects of the many beers she had downed.

"K-Kaji is dead!" she said between sobs, which were often. It took Shinji several minutes to digest this information before he rubbed Misato's back.

"I'm sorry Misato," he said consolingly. Rei looked at him questioningly, but he could tell what she had asked, and nodded. She left silently, mouthing, 'I love you' and shutting the door behind her. 

"Go lay on the couch, I'll finish your coffee," Shinji said softly. She nodded and stood, walking to the couch like a zombie with nothing to eat. The third child fixed her some chicken soup and coffee and brought it to her. She thanked him between sobs and blew her nose before starting on her food.

"T-thank you Shinji," she sniffled, her sobs now gone completely. When she was finished, she looked at Shinji with all the pain that she felt in the depths of her heart.

"Please don't leave me," she said, sobs now coming on fresh. She leaned against Shinji shoulder and cried her heart out into it. The Ikari put his arms around his guardian and let her cry herself to sleep. 

When she was fast asleep, Shinji laid her out on the couch and covered her with a blanket. It was late and Shinji went to his bed and fell asleep on top of the covers. 

In the morning, Misato apologized for crying and left the residence, apparently to go to NERV. The apartment was quiet, sullen, and dark, as if the very gloom of Kaji's death lingered in the air, as if off of Misato's breath. 

Shinji looked around and tried to decide what to do. He called Rei's place, but there was no answer. The third child was somewhat worried about her, but this was not uncommon, so he didn't worry too much. 

Pen-Pen again was looking at him, and then waddling away to get a beer, then back again to look at him. Shinji held a small conversation with the penguin, who seemed to understand every word and "Wark," when it was appropriate. Shinji grinned and gave the penguin a fish, who was extremely happy and waddled away with a satisfied look on his face.

Ikari stood and dressed into a freshly washed school uniform and headed out the door, locking it behind him. With no sign of Rei, his next option was Toji and Kensuke, who had surprisingly remained in Tokyo-3 with their parents. 

Toji's house, which was most likely where both of them were, was only a few blocks away from Misato's apartment, so it was a short, refreshing walk. The weather was great, sunny, cool, and slightly breezy. The sky had scattered, dark gray clouds. 

The wind seemed to warp around him, forming a small dust swirl around him. He didn't know what caused this strange event, but he liked it. The coal black of his hair was flying around, and it was cool and dry against his face.

"Hey, what're you doing ya twit!" called a familiar voice. It was the voice of his favorite jock, Toji Suzuhara. He was standing there with a prosthetic leg and a big smile, despite his visible inability. 

"Hey you big lug. How're you doing?" Shinji asked, walking next to his friend, who was making his way back to his house.

"Ah, my leg's been giving me shit, but I'm going to get a better one, NERV promised so. Otherwise, bored as hell. You know, the usual," Toji said, smiling his broad smile. Shinji still felt a pang of guilt over Toji's leg, which had to be amputated because Shinji had refused to engage unit 03 and instead had to watch the dummy plug system take control.

"Where's the voyeur?" Shinji asked, referring to Kensuke, who was never seen without some form of camera, whether video or photo. 

"Uh… he moved yesterday, back to Tokyo-2. They're rebuilding it, you know?" Toji said lightly, looking over at Shinji.

"Yea… I know. That's a bummer though; it's too bad he left. At least you didn't," Shinji said, laughing and looking over at his friend. The mirth left him as he saw the look on Toji's face, which was apologetic.

"I'm… moving too. That's one of the conditions for the new leg," Toji said sadly, indicating to his prosthetic. 

"No way! Damn, this is gonna suck without you guys! You'll come back after the angel's are through, right?" Shinji asked, feeling the pain inside immediately, but trying to hide it.

"Yea, don't worry buddy, we'll see each other again! I'm moving tomorrow, and you guys only have two more angels before it's over, eh? That'll take you no time, you good for nothing pilot!" Toji said, giving Shinji a noogie. Shinji laughed and walked into Toji's house with him.

After a couple hours of talking and laughing Toji said it was time to leave, because he had to pack and get a lot of sleep for the trip. Shinji nodded sullenly and walked out the door, and started down the street.

"Hey hotshit! Head down to Jesse's Embers!" Toji yelled from his window, before closing it to Shinji's reply. The third stared at the window for a while before turning and making his way down the street and to the right, through several back alleys, and down another busy street.

At the end, in front of an intersection was a small restaurant named "Jesse's Embers". It appeared as though it wasn't very busy, only a few people inside. 

The building was painted white with wooden shudders and red doors in the back. The hinges creaked when Shinji pushed them open.

The atmosphere inside was pleasant, dimmer than outside, but still lit to see the entire room. The walls were wood, highly polished and beautiful. The grain was in a vertical direction. The floor was covered with hardwood, which had a horizontal grain.

There was a bar in the back right, tables next to a dance floor, which had speakers around the corners. There was an aquarium full of turtles in the back left corner, next to the kitchen entrance. 

There were only four people in the restaurant, one of them was Rei. She stood up to meet him and Shinji stopped short, trying to find the breath to fill his lungs, but not able to inhale.

She was wearing a purple dress with bluish mesh like material over it with Celtic like designs. Most of her upper body was revealed through the mesh, except for her stomach and breasts.

"Hi," she said with an angelic smile. Shinji tried to reply, but remembered he couldn't breathe. He grasped his chest, with tears forming in his eyes.

"Hi," He replied after a few minutes. He wiped his eyes and hugged her. 

"You look amazing," he said, still too stunned to form too large a sentence. She poked his nose and grinned, leading him back to the table. He sat down, his food already there. Rei was having a delicious looking salad with a side of soup and Shinji had a filet mignon and seasoned potatoes with a gravy he couldn't recognize. 

"I haven't seen you for the past couple days," Shinji said, hoping she'd give him an explanation without further prodding. She nodded and looked thoughtful before taking a couple bites of her salad. Shinji chewed on some of his filet and waited for her to answer.

"I have just been busy with NERV. The Commander has been giving me a lot of extra work," she lied. Shinji knew she was lying, and she knew that he knew, but neither cared because they knew the REAL reason. 

After a few minutes of silenced eating, Rei looked up at her boyfriend with something close to sadness in her eyes. She had been showed the secret that her father had been keeping in the darkest layers of Terminal Dogma. She had seen the real truth about her. 

"Shinji?" she asked softly, watching his eyes closely. He looked into hers and nodded to let her know he was listening. Shinji could sense that she had something she had been hiding from him and it was bothering her, whatever it was, so he knew that she'd want to talk.

"Will… will you promise to love me no matter what?" she asked even more softly than before. Her voice was barely above a whisper, and it was scaring Shinji.

"Yes, yes I will," he said firmly. She stared into his eyes for a few more moments before looking away and wiping a tear from her eye. Shinji dropped his fork and gave his full attention to his girlfriend, who was obviously having a hard time. 

"There is a lot about me and my past that you do not know… and I do not wish to tell you, but I know one day soon you'll find out, and please don't hold it against me," she asked, getting choked up again. Shinji nodded vigorously and promised her that he wouldn't. 

"I love you Shinji," she said, standing up. Shinji stood too and took her into his arms. He gave her a long hug until 'Fly me to the moon,' came over the speakers. 

Shinji grinned and led Rei to the dance floor. She looked slightly bewildered, but didn't resist. He put his arms around her and they began to slow dance. Everyone else seemed to disappear and they spent the rest of the song dancing and holding each other.

Fly me to the moon

Let me sing among those stars

Let me see what spring is like

On Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand

In other words, baby kiss me

Fill my heart with song

Let me sing forever more

You are all I long for

All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true

In other words, I love you

After they left the restaurant, they went to Rei's place, which was dimly lit except for a few candles. 

"Damn, you had this all planned out, didn't you?" Shinji asked with a small smile. She nodded and walked over to him, putting her arms around his neck. The third child could feel the excitement radiating off her as he put his hands on her hips. They kissed deeply and slowly removed the other's cloths. 

Shinji laid her out on the bed and climbed on top of her, kissing his way up her chest and to her lips.

"I love you," she whispered.

In the Commander's office, Gendo prepared for the final touches on the Commencement phase, which would be put into full effect in ten hours, at the arrival of the 16th angel. 

"Are you sure you're going to go through with this… with what it'll do to Rei?" the Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki asked.

"It won't be the first time it happened, so yes I am sure," Gendo replied, smiling. His glasses had a glare on them that made him look just as evil as he really was. 

Shinji started as he heard the all too familiar alarm. It was a sign he had been dreading. The 16th angel was here, which meant that he and Rei would have to go up against yet another battle. 

Rei was awake too, and had been for the past couple hours, crying. She stood, wiped her eyes and signaled for Shinji to follow her. They got dressed and ran to the nearest NERV entrance. 

Shinji was more worried about her than he had ever been, and when he asked, she only replied that it had been a bad dream about the upcoming angel fight. 

Once inside NERV, they headed as fast as they could to the locker room and changed into the skintight plug suits. 

"Shinji, hold me and tell me you love me," she said softly, putting her arms around her lover. He did so and held her tight, and then they went to the EVA cages and got into their plug suits.

Ritsuko was monitoring the EVAs progress. The 16th angel was a few kilometers away from them, a large ring of energy.

"Unit 00 and 01, approach with caution. 00, you have point," she ordered. Since Gendo was gone, she could send the little blue haired bitch in first. Maybe now she'd get hurt.

Shinji opened a private comm. link with Rei. 

"Are you alright?" he asked worriedly. She nodded and smiled.

"Sorry. I just had a really bad dream last night about this fight. I'm fine now. Let's just finish this thing okay?" Rei said. Shinji smiled and nodded and closed the channel. 

He willed his EVA to follow behind Rei, with slightly slower speed. They were closing in on the angel and it seemed to be condensing.

"Get back!" Misato yelled to them. It was too late. The angel latched onto Rei with newly formed tentacles and attached its self to her. She let out a small whimper of pain as it dug into the back of her EVA and began to infiltrate her mind.

"Hey you big ass mucus fucker! Let her GO!" Shinji yelled, willing 01 to charge and jump onto the angel. Rei let out a scream of pain as Shinji slashed the angel with his progressive knife. The angel threw him off with razor sharp blades and slashed open 01's chest.

This encounter was different than all the others, because now Shinji could feel the angel's weakness, and what would destroy it. The only thing that didn't make sense, however, was that the weakness was 00…

"Don't hurt the angel, Shinji! It'll only hurt Rei!" Misato yelled, reading the new information from the control room.

"Well what the hell can I do then!?" he screamed, slamming his fists into the chair in the entry plug. The LCL swirled around his hands.

"Stand by," Misato replied. 

Inside unit 00, Rei's veins were popping out even farther then they had from the machine. She felt the angel coursing through them, trying to infiltrate her.

'You are not pure. You have that human filth in you,' it said to her. She felt a pain in her stomach. Nausea from the pain caused her to vomit into the LCL and she began to cry.

"A… tear?" Ritsuko said, utterly bewildered. She never knew that Rei could cry.

"No… please stop," Rei begged the angel.

'Weak,' it replied, sending more jolts of pain through her every nerve. 

Tears were falling like rain from her eyes, the pain threatening to make her give in and pass out. 

Her vision began to go white and she half expected to see the gates of heaven, but instead she was in a park. 

The trees were a lush green, the Tojyo-3 breeze swaying the branches softly. The grass was deep green too, about an inch tall. There were a couple park benches and a pool, by which were three people, none of them were familiar.

But upon closer inspection, she knew them all too well. 

It was Shinji, her, and their daughter. The baby girl was no older than two and she had brown hair the color of Shinji's, but red eyes like Rei's. 

Shinji was much older, in his early twenties, as was Rei. They were holding each other, occasionally telling the girl not to eat the grass. Her name was Jade. 

Rei felt the tears come with a new fervor, looking into her future. It changed and she saw Shinji down on his knee, with a ring out, held out to Rei. They were inside at Christmas, a tree in the corner, its colored lights brightly lighting the room. Rei's eyes were teary as she accepted Shinji's ring and became his fiancé. 

"Rei!" Shinji screamed. She was brought back to reality and realized she was still in the cockpit of the EVA and was at the mercy of the angel. A pain shot through her again and she vomited for the third time. 

"What can I do!" Shinji screamed, circling the angel, his teeth gritted. 

For the first time in her life, Ritsuko didn't know what to do. She watched, helpless, hoping someone else would come up with a plan.

Little did they know, the plan was already forming in Rei's mind. 

"Shinji, I need you to move back a few feet," Rei said to him with difficulty. 

"What? Why?" he asked, amazed she could speak through the agony. 

"Do not worry, I have a plan," she replied, trying to sound calm. A scream that followed shattered any illusion that she was fine. 

Despite wanting to help her, he moved back as she said.

"Shinji, please never forget that I love you," she said solemnly. Shinji tensed up as her A.T. field activated.

"Rei! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Shinji screamed. She only cried in response, a video feed of her was coming through Shinji's visual. She looked awful, her veins popping out and her eyes red and blood shot. 

"Please, remember I love you," she pleaded. Her tears now got in the way of her talking, and she was sobbing uncontrollably. 

"No, Rei please no…" Shinji sobbed, already feeling what she was going to do. 

"I love you," she whispered. She pressed the red button under her seat that they all had been told not to touch. A counter appeared on her screen. 

"Ten seconds till self destruct," said Ritsuko.

"What!?" Misato screamed. The other bridge bunnies gasped and stared at the screen. 

"I love you too!" Shinji tried to say, but the explosion cut him off. Rei's A.T. field contained it, but it was still huge. The fire rose a hundred feet into the air, smoke billowing up even farther. 

Shinji sat staring at the spot.

"Please let her be alive… If there is a God, she'll be alive," he whispered to himself, knowing the horrible truth before his eyes confirmed it.

When the smoke cleared, there was nothing there.

"Blue pattern dissolved… Unit-00 completely destroyed… Rei's dead…" Maya said sadly.

"I love you too…" Shinji whispered, his tears coming now, bitter and hard. He sobbed and cried in his entry plug for an hour before they could get him out. When he got out, he didn't talk to anyone, or anything. 

Continued……………………

Author's Notes: Hey… sorry… I had to do it. It does happen, you know. For those who don't know what's going to happen, please just stick around. It'll get better, I promise. 


	16. Conversational Explanations

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion…

This story is rated R…

Story Title: Masochistic

Author: Mosher-24

Chapter Sixteen: Conversational Explanations

~*~*~*~*

Shinji sat in the locker room, sobbing out the remainder of his soul. His heart was in pieces at the bottom of his stomach, soaking in his own bile, which was threatening to rise again. 

He had already puked three times in the locker room, too depressed to care. Bitterness was biting his tongue, sucking out the poison of his life and filling it with a nothingness he couldn't seem to comprehend. 

Rei's image came into his mind, once again, smiling angelically. More tears flowed from his sore eyes, as he knew he'd never see her again. For all his love he could not do anything. He could not have saved her, nor could he have helped. The realization was the deepest cut on his soul he would ever endure. 

Footsteps in the outside corridor couldn't even rouse Shinji from his hell. He was sitting on a bench, covering his face. The person entered the room and sat next to him, embracing him softly. 

"Shinji… you don't have to cry anymore," Misato said gently, a smile on her face. Shinji looked up at her, the pain in his now hollow eyes making her wince. She kept smiling though, which had intrigued and angered the third child.

"Why not?" he asked, still crying, his voice cold as ice. She only grinned more in response and held out a piece of paper, no bigger than the palm of Shinji's hand. He looked at it in amazement. 

                        Ayanami, Rei: Room 241, Observation. 

                        Patient survived explosion and is recovering.

                        Sustained many injuries:

                        Broken collarbone, broken arm, third degree

                        Burns on face and scalp, Torn ligaments and

                        Tendons, severe scars on back and chest, 

                        Shrapnel entry wounds, fractured leg, 

Concussion, and several skull fractures.

                        Authorization code: A45BxS

Shinji could hardly believe it, but wasn't about to question it. He stopped sobbing immediately and forgot the pain in his body from the exertion of using an Eva. With the speed of a gazelle, Shinji ran out the door and down the hall. She was in the upper infirmary of NERV, on the fifth level. 

The elevator wasn't far away and only took Shinji a few seconds to get there in his sprint. With a jump, he landed in the empty elevator and ascended to the fifth level, waiting impatiently for the door to open. 

When it finally opened, Shinji ran into the infirmary. The reception room was small, sterile tiles and steel walls with little decor. The nurse at the front desk looked on wide-eyed as Shinji ran passed her, into the halls and to the two hundreds. 

Room 241 was coming up and Shinji's heart was pounding faster and faster, thudding in his ears louder every time. His legs were working overtime now, sweat pouring down his brow. 

When the room finally came up, Shinji tried to turn, but his velocity made him slip and slide on the tile floor and smack his face onto it. Rei had turned around to look at the cause of the commotion and saw Shinji Ikari enter the room a minute later, limping with a bloody nose. 

"Rei?" he asked, hardly able to believe his eyes. 

The room was dull and empty. There was a bed, newly made. Hospital food was on a trey to the bed's right; an IV was hanging idly in the corner of the room. There was a window letting the last rays of daylight. On a nightstand to Rei's left was a bottle of Bromide to help her sleep. 

She looked to have a halo around her, the light from the window playing tricks on him. It faded quickly however with the last rays of sun. 

He then got his first good look at her. She had a cast on her left arm and bandages wrapped around her stomach and head, just like the first time he had ever seen her. The thing he noticed most, though, was the coldness of her eyes; the hollow, empty stare she used to have. 

"Who're you?" Shinji asked her, seeing Rei but not recognizing her. 

"I am Rei Ayanami, pilot of Evangelion Unit-00," Rei replied in her preprogrammed response. Her voice was cold and distant, just like the first time he had spoken with her. 

"You're not Rei," Shinji replied. He would know his Rei anywhere, and this was not her. She cocked her head and stared at him, confused by his statement.  

"If you're not Rei… then you don't remember… us, do you?" Shinji asked, feeling the tears come back in full, spilling silently down his face. 

"Us? I do not know what you speak of, Ikari," Rei replied, now utterly confused by his emotions. He was sobbing now, falling to the floor and sprawling out on it. 

"No… No!" he screamed through his tears. He began to slam his fists into the floor until they were bloody, his fingers broken. Pain didn't stop him though; he only continued to slam his hands down. 

Misato soon entered with a NERV agent and they both succeeded in carrying the third child out, now crying like a baby. He was screaming for Rei, but the first child did not know what to do.

For a single moment, she felt something warm in the pit of her stomach as she looked at him, but she immediately squelched it, not knowing what it was. Her emotion control was powerful, even more so this time. 

Shinji sat in his room, looking into the mirror. His eyes were red from crying, his throat sore. A razor was clutched in his hand, so tightly that blood dripped down his arm from his hands, which were aching from broken fingers. He didn't care, however, and stood up.

With harsh, long slashes, he spread the blood from his arm against the mirror, spattering the deep red fluid against the glass. It blossomed into a beautiful design and dripped down the surface, tracing lines of agony down to the floor. The blood was clashing with the smooth surface of the mirror, creating a painful picture of his loss. 

Shinji stopped on the fourth slice, his arm throbbing and bleeding onto the white-carpeted floor. This pain was not enjoyable, but was more justified than anything. He should have done something more to save his love. 

The deep cuts etched forever scars into his pale flesh, a reminder of that day that would live forever in his mind. 

"Shinji?" Misato called in a small voice from the hall. Before he could tell her to leave, she had entered his room and looked at the scene. She broke into tears at the sight of Shinji, his clothes wet with tears, a razor in his hand and blood dripping down the mirror and his arm. 

"Shinji, what did you do it for?" Misato sobbed, falling to her knees. She felt like a failed agent, failed fake-mother, and failed lover. Everything was going out of her grip, her lover, her charge; she wouldn't have been surprised if her job went next. 

"I did it because I should have been able to save Rei… now Rei's gone," Shinji said, going over next to Misato and putting his non-bloody arm around her, dropping the razor to the floor. 

"But s-she's alive!" Misato managed through sobs. Shinji just pulled her close and wiped her tears away. 

"The Rei I saw was not the Rei I remember, and I would know," Shinji softly. Misato looked at her charge and nodded.

"She did seem a little different," Misato said, her tears clearing and her sobs coming in longer intervals now.

"Well… let's get you cleaned up now and tomorrow we'll go over to Ritsuko and find out what the hell is going on, okay?" Misato asked, taking Shinji arms in hers and leading him to the bathroom to fix it. 

After twenty minutes, Shinji was bandaged up and felt the pain ebb away with two painkillers. Both Misato and Shinji then went out and watched a movie, laughing and forgetting their heart wrenching problems for the hour and a half it took. When it was done, they sat in their gloom not knowing what to do. 

The room seemed to settle with their feelings, almost a gray dullness settling around with the black sky outside.  It was nearing nine PM and the clouds were dark, the moon the only source of light when it wasn't being suffocated by the clouds. 

Misato got up and walked to the kitchen, walking back with water. Contrary to what many people do in times of despair, Misato actually became sober and stopped drinking after Kaji's death. 

"I think we'd better go to bed Shinji. You can just meet me at NERV after school, okay?" Misato said, patting Shinji on the back. Shinji nodded and got up, wincing as he accidentally brushed his arm against his side. 

"I won't be here when you get up, so you can make yourself breakfast. You know how bad my cooking is," said Misato in an apologetic tone. Shinji nodded, too exhausted physically and emotionally to say anything. 

He went into his room and plunged to his bed, his mirror still had the dried blood on it. When his head touched the pillow, he immediately went into uneasy, black dreams of death and replayed Rei's death in his head over and over till he woke up crying and went back to sleep. 

"Shinji's not going to believe our Rei is the one he fell in love with," Ritsuko said to her partner, who was laying next to her, his back turned. 

"The third will have to buy it," Gendo said, not turning to acknowledge her. 

"But love will not buy it," Akagi replied, already feeling an argument on the tip of his tongue. 

"Love it nothing," Gendo replied coldly, knowing how much he had just hurt the doctor, but he felt just as he said, unless he was talking about his Yui. 

"You'll never love me, will you?" Ritsuko asked finally, voicing the question that had formulated over the past months spent in Gendo's bed, after he had had his way with her, whether it had hurt her or not. After countless nights of him forcing her into this way and that, never paying attention to her wants, only his. After nights of being his toy and nothing more. 

Gendo didn't answer with words, but she heard him clear enough. That was the hardest slap in the face she had ever gotten, and the worst part was she could have seen it the whole way to her cheek, as if in slow motion. 

She got out of the bed, dressed, and left his house quietly, never to return and be his plaything ever again. 

Gendo stared out after her and closed his eyes, knowing that she'd never willingly do his bidding again. He'd have to kill her if she got in his way and he did not want to, but had no problems doing it if Yui was on the line. 

"You still have one more important step to fulfill, even without my pushing," Gendo said with a smile. Ritsuko would play right into his hand and she had no idea. 

Shinji was on his way to school and could already feel the dread filling his stomach. He would have to see the Rei that he didn't know. 

"I'll just have to make her remember," he promised himself. The walk was the quietest moment he had yet to endure, his mind thinking through everything. It never occurred to Shinji that Rei might not be at school because of her injuries; it hadn't stopped her very much in the past. 

But he did not need to worry, for Rei's injuries were not real, as this was not quite the same Rei who self-destructed to save Shinji. 

The third child methodically entered the school and went to his locker, getting everything he needed and putting his book bag away. 

His heart was pounding in his ears again, this time louder than before. It was almost so loud he didn't hear Rei call him.

"Ikari? May I speak with you?" she asked distantly, the coldness in her eyes chilling him to the bone. It even froze his heart, which had broken several times within the past twenty-four hours. 

She still had the bandages on, but Shinji could see she wasn't hurt. He could see that under her bandages were no open wounds or scars. 

"What?" Shinji said, a little more coldly than he had intented. He wasn't mad by any means, but he was hurting and it was going to be like bringing a lover back from a coma, though it would be kind of different since Rei didn't remember her love for Shinji. 

In fact, Ritsuko and Gendo had done an even more thorough job on her memory modification than in the past. They completely erased her memories of Shinji and herself, though they never knew that memories could never be erased, even in death.   
  


At that very moment, Ritsuko was finding that information out, grinning softly that Gendo could not do away with Rei's memories as he pleased. 

"What did you mean about… 'us'? I do not know what you speak of, but you appeared very emotional about it," Rei asked, her eyes full of curiosity now. Shinji was glad that there was a difference in her gaze, but he wished it could have been like when she told him that she loved him. 

"I mean… before your… accident with the Eva, we were lovers. We dated and kissed and… slept together," Shinji gulped back his tears, not wanting to cry in front of Rei again. 

Rei puzzled over what he said and wondered why she had no memory of these events taking place. 'He must be lying. My memory is perfect, is it not?' she thought. Shinji interrupted her thoughts, however.

"Rei?" Shinji asked, not wanting to make her angry. She only looked at him with those same distant eyes, so full of color but so void of light. 

"Yes?" she responded after a few minutes of Shinji's gazing silence. He stared at her a bit more, tears still threatening to gush down in full at the bottoms of his eyes.

"Will you spend the day with me?" he asked after a long while, piquing her curiosity. She looked at him a long time, her empty eyes seemingly penetrating his very skin and looking into his soul. 

He got a strange feeling as she looked at him. It almost seemed like the feeling he got when he was swallowed by an angel, but not quite as strong. Not knowing whether it was a good or bad thing, Shinji tucked it into the back of his mind for later contemplation and concentrated on the present situation. 

"What do you mean?" she asked, not quite clear on what he meant. 

"I mean would you please not go to school and spend the day with me, here in the city," Shinji said. Rei looked at the school, then at the third child and then back to the school. 

"We would get in trouble," Rei said softly, though she already had made up her mind.

"I doubt it. No one really goes to school anymore since the angels, and NERV has got its hands tied with the last angel preparations. We could just skip one day and be fine," he said hopefully, feeling nervous again, though most of his nerves calmed around Rei, even if she didn't remember what they had. 

"Very well. What shall we do?" Rei asked quietly, very intrigued by the concept, since she had never been alone with Shinji, or any other boy her age for that matter. 

"Let's go for a walk," Shinji ventured, meaning to lead her on a route that he and Rei had often traveled together and stop at restaurants, which they had eaten at together, and then to Jessie's Embers, where they had eaten the last night they had spent together. 

Rei nodded and waited for Shinji to lead. He smiled to himself and led her down the street, walking silently in front of her. She was pondering the whole confusing matter as he led her past restaurants they had eaten at. Garcia's, Fratello's, and several others had struck a chord with her, though she didn't tell Shinji. There was something so familiar and nice about them, but she couldn't figure it out. 

Then, he led her to a nice restaurant with white painted walls, red painted shutters on windows, and an old-fashioned wooden door leading back through the kitchen to the actual seating. 

When Rei walked in, she felt a great burning in her chest, but she did not know what for. The dance floor seemed to call to her and she stepped onto it out of instinct. Shinji watched her from the side, smiling gently as she went through the moves of a dance they had done on that very floor to 'Fly me to the moon.' 

She didn't tell him what she was feeling, but he could tell. She was in inner turmoil, feeling a strange implacable feeling. She looked around and saw that no one but the bartender and his wife where there. On the wall next to the bar was a large picture, which she thought she recognized. 

As she moved closer, she saw that it was her in a black dress, dancing with Shinji. The face worn on that Rei seemed to know no limit to happiness. Ayanami's mouth formed a thin line. She was angry that she could not remember it. 

"It's time for school to get out, Rei," Shinji said to her. She was still a little bit shocked at his casual use of her first name. 

"Very well Ikari," the first child said, beginning to walk out. Shinji caught her, however, in his arms and brought her close to him.

"Dance with me?" he asked rather boldly. She contemplated it, the feeling she was getting was overwhelming and she agreed. He led her through the steps, since she did not know them. Only at the end of the dance did she notice the marks on Shinji forearm. She furrowed her brow and frowned, then wiped the emotion of sadness from her and bade the third goodbye. 

She walked out of the restaurant and went straight home, debating on whether or not to go consult the commander. 

Shinji, on the other hand, went home to Misato and they started towards NERV to find out about everything they weren't in on. 

Unbeknownst to them, security cameras were catching their every move and transmitting it to the lower parts of Terminal Dogma, where Ritsuko smiled and went out to greet them, though she'd pretend to be on her way out. 

Misato's clearance card only got her to level one of Terminal Dogma, which was basically a dumping ground for old Evangelion projects. So Doctor Akagi would have to go and wait at the level two doors, just so Misato could catch her. 

And sure enough, ten minutes later Misato and Shinji were walking briskly down, knowing Ritsuko would be working in Terminal Dogma, since she hadn't left the place for a week. 

"Ah, Ritsuko, we need to talk," Misato said, a gleam in her eye. Doctor Akagi acted surprised, though she was suppressing a smile. She would finally get back at Commander Gendo Ikari for killing her soul and not loving her when she gave him all she ever had. 

"Why, Major, what are you doing here?" Ritsuko asked, putting her hand to her cheek when Misato drew out a nine-millimeter pistol and pointed it at her. The chamber wasn't loaded, and Ritsuko could see it, but she played scared anyway. 

"What do you want?" the blonde doctor asked, getting calm and looking forward to her job. 

"Show us what lies in Terminal Dogma. Show us what has been withheld," Misato said coldly. Shinji just kind of shook at her side, looking as scared as anyone. 

"I thought you'd never ask," Ritsuko said, smiling and opening the door into the lower depths of Terminal Dogma. 

"You seem a little eager," Shinji piped up, shaking now. 

"I just think you should be filled in on NERV's darkest secret," said the doctor. 

"Darkest secret?" Misato asked.

"Yes. But first, do you know anything about the dummy plug system?" Ritsuko asked, knowing they didn't. She opened the door to the third level of TD, the second having been an empty room. The fourth was the room in which they now kept Lilith, who now had legs. 

She looked sadly down at them, but Ritsuko led them ever deeper without an upward glance.

"No, I don't," Misato replied, averting her gaze away from the crucified angel. 

"The dummy plug system was first tested with Shinji, of course, when he could not defeat the angel in Unit-03. It is a system based on the thoughts, or predicted behavior of a pilot in that situation," Ritsuko said dully, as if it was boring. 

"That was based on a pilot?! Who?" Misato asked, and she regretted speaking when Ritsuko replied. 

"Rei Ayanami," said the doctor, as if it was common knowledge. Shinji stopped dead, looking at her with disbelief.

"Rei would do that?" he asked, stuttering a little. 

"If pushed to the brink, yes," Ritsuko said, remembering the cold, thorough job that the dummy plug had done.

"How is it done?" Misato asked, trying to change the subject, not knowing that later, when they found out, she would have regretted it more than ever. 

"We'll talk about that later. Now, what do you know about LCL?" the doctor asked, putting them through another level of TD, which was black and empty, yet huge as a skyscraper. 

"Link Connection Liquid?" Misato ventured.

"Correct, but it is made from Lilith's blood. That is why Shinji always comments on it are correct, 'It smells like blood,' I believe you always said," Ritsuko said. She could hear Shinji gag. 

"Why do I feel differently since the commander let an angel penetrate my mind?" Shinji asked, suddenly remembering the odd sensations he now dubbed usual. 

"Project Commencement, as yet unfulfilled. Even I don't have the full detail on it, but when that angel was in your mind, he left a piece behind, kind of mutating you into a half-angel. You are not genetically a half-angel, but your mind is. It feels the same things as an angel, and it can sense the same things as an angel," Ritsuko said, opening the final door in Terminal Dogma to the cloning chamber, which was dark and silent. 

Shinji was wincing at hearing that he was part angel when Ritsuko went to the corner and picked up a remote control. 

"Now, are you ready to see the deepest secret of NERV?" Ritsuko asked, a sinister grin on her face. 

Whatever Shinji was feeling about what had been said so far was completely blasted away by what happened when the room lit up. He gaped in horror at what lie within the vast tubes of LCL.

Rei had decided to visit Commander Ikari and talk to him about her feelings and lack of memory. The fact was that Shinji had been speaking the truth about their previous relationship and she wanted to know why she couldn't remember. 

When she reached his office, however, he was not there. Fuyutsuki was on his way out, and she stopped him.

"Sub-Commander, where has Commander Ikari gone?" she asked softly. He looked her over for a few minutes before nodding and whispering, "I don't think you want to be here for a few days. He is going to arrest Ritsuko Akagi for showing Shinji the deepest level of Terminal Dogma."

"What is down there that would interest Pilot Ikari?" Rei asked, completely unaware that what was there could completely alter her future with Shinji forever. 

"You'll be able to see when we're done. As for right now, please run along," Kozo said, knowing she would not want to see Shinji for a while. 

"Okay," she replied softly, walking away as Kozo got into an elevator and descended. 

"Thank you," Gendo said from the back of the elevator. Fuyutsuki nodded and ran a hand through his white hair. 

"Now the last part of my plan will come into play. I'm so proud that Ritsuko does our bidding, even though she meant to hurt us," Ikari said with a smile.

"You're a sick bastard, Gendo," Kozo said, meaning it.

"I know," Gendo replied with a laugh. 

The room was huge, easily a football field in length. The tubes on all sides where like giant aquariums, except they didn't carry fish. Inside was the orange glowing LCL and in the LCL where hundreds and hundreds of…

Rei Ayanami clones…

Shinji stared in horror as hundreds of smiling naked Reis swam in front of his eyes. 

Misato gasped.

"Yes. The darkest secret. Rei is a clone. The one that you saw after the 16th angel was a clone, and is the THIRD clone. The Rei you were in love with Shinji was, in fact, the second. The first was killed at the age of seven by my dear old mother," Ritsuko said with a smile.

"I believe you need a brief history of Rei:

            "Rei was not conceived. She was cloned at first from Yui Ikari and the Angel Lilith. The mixture, of course, for a first experiment was 50% Yui and 50% Lilith. That mixture was unstable, because after being constantly exposed to LCL her genetic structure actually altered away from being like an angel. If you follow, because all humans were spawned from angels, so our genetic structures are somewhat similar. We haven't figured out why the LCL changed her genetic structure away from angel-likeness, because it is ANGEL BLOOD. Somehow, though, the DNA of Yui was not stable enough, since we needed an angel-like being to have control of her emotions. You see, Rei's purpose needed her to be completely controllable. 

            "My mother strangled Rei for calling her an old hag. The emotion control wasn't working and Rei had quite an attitude for a seven year old. Gendo then changed her to 50% of my mother's genes, and 50% Lilith's genes. That was Rei two's make-up, and as you can see, the emotion control worked well for seven years until Shinji came along and unlocked her soul. 

            "You see, even though she was cloned, she had a soul. Every living being does. Her soul holds all her emotions, memories, and feelings. She practically burst her 'defensive walls', which we erected with a primitive form of mind control so she could fulfill her purpose. Even though she broke the control, she still fulfilled her purpose. 

            "But doing that caused her to die, so we needed a new one. This one had to be completely controllable, so we used 25% of my DNA and 75% of Lilith's. This made her a lot easier to control, but we still needed her to be human, because making her full angel would be impossible. There are only supposed to be 17 angels and besides, angel's DNA is too complicated to remake 100%.  

            "Even though she is under a far stronger hold this time, you can still break her free, Shinji. Just try, will you?" Ritsuko finished. 

Shinji stood there, completely aghast. He never would have guessed at any of this, and he knew his father was behind it all. 'The evil bastard!' Shinji thought. 

"So these clones are now used for the dummy plug system," Ritsuko said, looking solemnly at the tubes. 

"What about her soul?" Misato asked, as equally astonished at Rei's history. 

"It is transported from body to body, because of her will to live. The first soul died, and the second Rei had a completely fresh one. It had such a strong will to live because of Shinji that it transported to her new body. You're really something Shinji," Ritsuko, looking at him with sadness.

"You've shared enough there, Doctor Akagi. Now, if you'll please accompany my companions to the brig, you won't be hurt," Gendo said from the door. He had appeared ten minutes ago, but all three people in the room where so involved with their story that they hadn't noticed. 

Kozo and three NERV agents stood with him and the agents carried Ritsuko to the door. 

"You bastard! You're playing God!" she screamed, and she pressed the red button on the remote control.

If Shinji had been depressed before, that was nothing to watch hundreds of Rei's die in front of his face.

They screamed and contorted in agony before dissipating and staining the orange liquid completely red with human blood. 

"Oh my fucking god," Misato whispered. 

"Get her out of here," Gendo said coldly. She was carried away, never knowing she had done Gendo a favor. He didn't need any more Rei's, because his plan was almost over. 

"You… fucking bastard," Shinji whispered. 

"What? I think you should just leave and forget what you heard here today, third," Gendo said coldly. He didn't really want Shinji to forget it, which would screw up his entire plan. 

"FUCK YOU!" Shinji screamed, running at his father with the intent to kill. 

Gendo punched Shinji to the floor and stared down at him.

"Go away third, you are through here," he said. Shinji stared at him with everything withheld over the years.

"I hate you, you fucking pathetic excuse for a human and a father! I hope you die a fucking painful death!" Shinji screamed before running out.

Gendo only smiled, knowing exactly how he would die, which would be completely gruesome. He also smiled because Shinji would meet the fifth child as he exited NERV.

The platinum haired, crimson eyed fifth child was named Kaoru, and would play a crucial part in the commander's plan. 

Continued……….

Author's notes: I hope you liked it. Please stay tuned. I'm going to finish it soon and re-write the first few chapters so they aren't written so badly. 


	17. Pax Tokyo

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion...  
  
This story is rated R for language, violence, and sensuality. Sorry about the wait. I've been grounded. :p  
  
Story Title: Masochistic Author: Mosher-24 Chapter Seventeen: Pax Tokyo  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
Shinji was sitting in the forest, staring at the newly formed lake of LCL. The orange pool was deep and lifeless. The wind barely even moved the surface. His hair was swaying gently in an almost lifeless breeze.  
  
His reflection in the pool was distorted, a broken orange image barely able enough to look back. It seemed even his reflection was lethargic.  
  
Shinji was so out of it, he didn't even hear the twigs crack behind him. He was absorbed inside a little world of pain and horror, all mixed together with Rei. A hand clasped around his shoulder and Shinji jumped.  
  
"What the hell?" he muttered, turning around. A boy he had never seen stood there. He was pale, as pale as Rei with the same crimson eyes. Shinji saw Rei on his face in a moment of horror. The feeling passed in a few moments though, and Shinji remembered his manners.  
  
"Hello, what's your name?" Shinji asked. The boy smiled and held out his hand.  
  
"I'm Kaoru Nagisu, nice to meet you Shinji Ikari," he said. Shinji stared at him for a long time.  
  
"How did you know my name?" The third child asked in a whisper. Kaoru only smiled and began to whistle. He looked out at the lake.  
  
"I need to be going, Shinji Ikari. I will see you later," they boy said before taking off, out into the woods and out of Shinji's field of vision.  
  
Shinji stared after him for a long time and couldn't help but feel strange about him. He had known Shinji's name somehow and had felt... strange. He felt like Rei did. He had the same aura, but Shinji couldn't quite tell why. 'It might be that they're related, they look a lot alike,' Shinji thought.  
  
He shrugged it off and looked at the time. It was night and he was expected back at Misato's soon.  
  
He began to walk, through the woods and down the streets, always keeping an eye out for anybody from NERV that would want to finish him off for his knowledge.  
  
But I wouldn't know. They are too good. I'd only hear the click of the gun being loaded before they blew my brains out.  
  
Shinji ran all the way back to the apartment, but wasn't killed.  
  
*~  
  
The next day, Shinji went straight from school to the spot outside Rei's apartment where they used to meet. He figured it didn't mean much now. Nothing meant much since he couldn't have Rei.  
  
The wind blew softly through the trees, which now seemed so distant, not the close in dark plants that made him feel claustrophobic when he waited for Rei. They weren't the same trees who played games with his mind in the dark, awaiting his love to join him. In fact, Shinji was pretty sure this wasn't the same world.  
  
"But it is," came a soft female voice. Shinji turned around to see Rei standing there, holding here left arm with her right hand.  
  
"How'd you know what I was thinking?" Shinji asked, not really surprised. He had always known Rei well enough to be able to tell what she was thinking.  
  
"You were thinking out loud," Rei replied. She stood next to him, looking out into the wood. Her eyes were searching, but Shinji had the idea that she wasn't searching for anything in the outside world. She was soul- searching.  
  
"I still cannot recall anything you have told me about our past," she said after a long silence. Her voice sounded so small. So innocent. Shinji's eyes got teary thinking about his lost love.  
  
"I wish I could, Ikari. It seems that it was special," Rei said. She stood for another ten minutes, in complete silence while silent tears fell down Shinji's face.  
  
When Rei was certain that there was nothing else she could possibly say, she left, silently and quickly. Shinji watched her until he couldn't see her anymore. A sob rose in his throat at watching Rei's sway and graceful walk.  
  
"Don't cry," another soft voice said. Why can't you just leave me alone? Do you always have to haunt me? Shinji thought bitterly. He thought it was Rei, but was wrong.  
  
"Do you still play your cello, Shinji?" the voice said, louder this time. The third turned and saw Kaoru standing there, this time he didn't look so much like Rei. Well, he did, but Shinji didn't want him to.  
  
"No, never," he replied. He voice was lifeless, utterly hopeless. Kaoru only smiled, which made Shinji hate him a little. The boy's crimson eyes sparkled with life. Why couldn't his? What had he done to God? Couldn't God get His own girlfriend, why did He need Shinji's? Kaoru suddenly frowned, then wiped the look away.  
  
"Why not?" he asked, sitting next to Shinji. That feeling came back, still as implacable as ever. It was so familiar Shinji had to hate himself more for not remembering it.  
  
"I can't write music anymore. My feelings don't seem to translate well through the instrument," Shinji said. He leaned against a tree trunk and closed his eyes. The smell of the forest filtered through his nostrils and he smiled.  
  
"Keep trying. It may take an eternity for an artist to make a picture from a rock, but it is possible," Kaoru said. Silence followed. Silence too familiar to stand.  
  
"Where is the second?" Nagisu asked suddenly. His face remained indifferent, but Shinji heard the interest hidden deep in his voice.  
  
"She is in a mental asylum," Shinji replied. He felt saddened immediately, and sighed. Kaoru smiled and hummed a merry tune that Shinji couldn't quite place. It was familiar, however.  
  
"Do not worry. She'll be fine," the platinum haired boy said.  
  
"I must go," Kaoru got up and walked off without another word. Shinji stared after him, not sure what to think. He was nice enough. But that FEELING he got from Kaoru was so familiar he couldn't stand it.  
  
So Shinji stood and made his way through the streets of Tokyo-3, wandering randomly. He ended up at a park. A park he knew he'd seen before.  
  
"Are you happy?"  
  
Shinji turned sharply around. Now I remember! This was the park the angel had taken him to, when it had absorbed him. This is where he had confronted himself. This is where his inner child had told him that he was happy with Rei... that he needed Rei, and Shinji was struck with such an agony that he wept right there.  
  
I must look so stupid! I mustn't cry, mustn't cry! Shinji sat under a tree and covered his face. There was no one around, however, no one to make fun of him. No one but himself and that was the worst of all. You wussy. You damn wussy, look at you crying!  
  
When he was done crying, he got up and disappeared into the night, heading for Misato's place.  
  
"What are you doing to your son, Gendo?"  
  
"He'll be fine. He's a strong boy, just like I was."  
  
"I'm just worried about him turning out like you."  
  
"Hah, that would be bad."  
  
"..."  
  
"Asuka?" Kaoru looked at the pitiful red haired girl. She was rocking back and forth, mumbling her mother's name. Poor, poor child.  
  
Kaoru reached out and gently touched her face. Asuka drew back for an instant, before she closed her eyes and cried. She leaned her face into Kaoru's hand.  
  
"It wasn't your fault," the platinum haired boy said. Asuka looked up at him, her face surprised and innocent. Those four words changed her life, then and there. She wasn't willing to accept it just yet, but hearing those simple, simple words changed her entire existence.  
  
"How do you know? How could you know you fucking asshole!" she screamed. Denial, Kaoru thought with a smile. Asuka stood up and started crying, then told the guards to take Kaoru away. They did so gladly.  
  
When Kaoru was outside, he smiled and walked down the street, toward Rei Ayanami's apartment. He didn't particularly like her, but he liked Shinji, and Shinji loved her.  
  
"Yes?" Misato said, picking up the phone. She looked horrible, tired, and empty. Her purple hair was unwashed and there were bags under her eyes. God, she's really taken Kaji's death hard, Shinji thought.  
  
It was early in the morning and both had just woken up.  
  
"Oh, hi," Misato said.  
  
"Sure, I don't mind. Okay, see you later," Misato hung up the phone.  
  
"Who was that?" Shinji asked, pulling on a new shirt and sitting on the couch. He sighed and stretched.  
  
"Rei," Misato said simply. Shinji stared at her.  
  
"She's coming over, I'd put on your best," Misato said with a genuine, rare smile. Shinji smiled back and hugged her. She was taken by surprise, but soon wrapped her arms around her charge.  
  
Shinji went into his room. He put on a clean school outfit. When he was all ready, he went out to the front room and Rei was already there, dressed in her school uniform. The third child smiled at the first, who only looked at him in return.  
  
"Would you spend the day with me, Ikari?" Rei asked, her face devoid of emotion. Her voice was as quiet as ever. She was also as beautiful as ever and Shinji gave in immediately.  
  
"Yes," he said, walking over to her. Misato smiled at him and retired to her room to catch up on sleep before she went into NERV to put the final touches on Kaji's work.  
  
Rei led the third child out of the building and to a secluded park, where he had been before, on a picnic. A picnic with Rei. Yet more tears welled in his eyes at the sight, but this time a crooked grin was set on his face.  
  
"Do you recognize this place, Ikari?" Rei asked, turning to face him. There was a picnic basket and a blanket all laid out in front of a small pond with goldfish.  
  
"Yes, I do," he replied. She looked at him before replying, "I think I do. Not in a photographic sense, but I feel like I have been here before."  
  
"It's better than nothing," Shinji said. Rei nodded and sat on the blanket. Shinji sat down next to her and looked through the picnic basket. She watched him carefully, trying to memorize his movements.  
  
"Rei... would you come a little closer, please?" Shinji asked. Rei was puzzled by the request, but she responded and moved a little closer to Shinji. Once she was within range, Ikari leaned in and gave her a gentle, deep kiss on the lips. Warmth shot through Rei's every vein and she closed her eyes and let Shinji hold that kiss for a long time. When she finally pulled away, Shinji's eyes were still closed, his cheeks red. Her cheeks were red too, but she couldn't feel her face.  
  
"What was that, Ikari?" she asked. Shinji reached out and gently swept her blue hair from her eyes, then caressed her cheek. She closed her eyes and felt tingly, almost giddy.  
  
"That was a kiss, Rei," Shinji said after a long silence. She opened her eyes and looked at the third child, calm and serene.  
  
"I still do not remember, Ikari," she said. Shinji nodded and retracted his hand slowly. They ate in silence and then sat and stared at the sky. Clouds were few and far between and the sky was a beautiful deep blue.  
  
"What do you think about in times like this, Rei?" Shinji asked, putting his hands behind his head.  
  
"Why am I here? That's what I think about," Rei replied. Her voice sounded so distant, Shinji might have thought she were miles away if he weren't staring into her face.  
  
"I know why you're here," Shinji smiled.  
  
"Why?"  
  
So I can love you, Shinji thought. He never replied and Rei never asked again.  
  
Rei sat and rethought the conversation with Kaoru after Shinji had left. He had again kissed her, and again she had no idea what to do or think. He had told her he loved her and she had said nothing. What am I supposed to do?  
  
::"He just wants you to love him"  
  
"But I do not,"  
  
"Maybe you just don't know if you do or not,"  
  
"How am I to know?"  
  
"You'll know,"  
  
"... I know what you are,"  
  
"That is irrelevant. We're talking about Shinji right now, not what I am,"  
  
"..."  
  
"Look, just spend the day with him, go on a picnic, you know, whatever,"  
  
"Fine,"  
  
"And try to be open-minded. He's a good guy,"  
  
"I will, Nagisu,"  
  
"Good night, Rei"  
  
"..."::  
  
Rei went to sleep pondering all these things, and juggling her unidentified feelings at once.  
  
A week later, Kaoru stepped into NERV with an unusual intent.  
  
Aoba looked at the screen with disbelief. "What the hell?" he wondered aloud.  
  
"What?" Misato asked, looking over to his counsel.  
  
"UNIT 02 HAS ACTIVATED! UNMANNED!" Maya yelled.  
  
"Unmanned? What the hell is going on?" Misato yelled.  
  
"A.T. field detected! IT'S PATTERN BLUE!"  
  
"The seventeenth angel. Dammit! Summon Shinji to Unit-01 immediately! We need to stop third impact!" Misato commanded.  
  
"Yes sir!"  
  
"Who's that by 02?"  
  
"...It's...it's... I can't believe it... It's the fifth child,"  
  
Continued....  
  
Sorry it's been so long! I really am! There's been a lot of shit going on and I have had no time to do anything. The next chapter is going to be longer and will come faster, hopefully.  
  
Next Chapter: Holding your life in my hands 


	18. Holding Your Life In My Hands

Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion...  
  
This story is rated R for violence, language, and sexuality...  
  
Story Title: Masochistic Chapter Eighteen: Holding Your Life in My Hands Author: Mosher-24  
  
Shinji was whistling. It was the best day he had had since before Rei's suicide. The clouds were white and clear of rain, the sun shining brightly. There was a slight breeze, blowing to the west. He was waiting for Kaoru to show up so they could go to the arcade.  
  
Since Shinji had met Kaoru, he had liked him very much. They had become fast friends and hung out everyday. This was the only time Kaoru was late. Shinji didn't mind though, he was used to that. That feeling he had been getting from Kaoru never bothered him anymore and he could look him in the face without seeing Rei.  
  
In fact, he hadn't seen much of Rei over the past week. She had been doing a lot of stuff at NERV, while Shinji and Kaoru weren't. Misato was also at NERV now almost night and day, coming home for a few hours to sleep, eat, and then return. She was a walking purple-haired zombie.  
  
A bird sang over the third's head, soaring high in the air. It was a robin. Shinji smiled and watched it disappear into the blinding sun's light.  
  
'Where is Kaoru?' Shinji thought. The fifth child was now almost twenty minutes late and Shinji was getting impatient.  
  
After ten more minutes, Shinji got up and made his way to the arcade, but no one was there. Kaoru, or anyone else.  
  
'Hm... Strange,' he thought.  
  
His cell phone rang.  
  
Shinji ignored it and looked around the arcade once more.  
  
His cell phone rang again.  
  
"Yes?" Shinji asked, somewhat irritated. His face paled in seconds and he gave full attention to the person on the other line.  
  
"Are you sure?" he asked, a tear falling from his cheek.  
  
"Yes," he hung up and ran. He ran like he had never before, to NERV and through the intricate mazes to the locker room. He changed quickly and went to 01 and got in. The Eva was started quickly and Shinji synched with it.  
  
"Make your way to Terminal Dogma, fast!" Misato yelled from the control room. She sounded tired. So tired. Shinji willed the Eva to the elevator which shot him down, just in front of Terminal Dogma. Shinji jumped through the hole that was already there and looked down. There was 02 floating down with a shining figure.  
  
"Shinji... The angel is Kaoru," Misato said gently as Shinji neared the target.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You heard... The angel is Kaoru, I'm sorry Shinji,"  
  
"No... I won't believe you! Kaoru can't be an angel! NO!" Shinji screamed. For the second time, his heart broke. He felt something snap inside his brain and he descended next to 02 to see for himself. Sure enough, Kaoru was floating next to 02, his platinum hair swaying.  
  
"Kaoru!" Shinji said over his speakers. The boy looked up and smiled.  
  
"Hello, Shinji," he said before turning away. Shinji reached out for him, but 02 grabbed 01's hand. The two grappled and Shinji grunted.  
  
"Why, Kaoru? Why!" Shinji screamed, taking a punch to the gut and countering with a kick to the chest.  
  
"You Lilan wouldn't understand. There are things greater than us, and sometimes, though you don't understand, death can be the only true freedom we have," the angel said. His crimson eyes focused on Shinji and his battle with 02.  
  
Shinji willed 01 to kick 02, who landed in a lake of LCL. They had reached the bottom layer of Terminal Dogma, and Lilith was still crucified in the corner, but she had grown legs. Kaoru started toward her while Shinji pulled his progressive knife and stabbed 02.  
  
The unit pulled its own and stabbed Shinji in the stomach. The third child screamed, his vision going blurry.  
  
"Adam..." Kaoru said with a smile. When he got to the angel's face, though, he frowned.  
  
"No... Lilith? I understand," he said. He turned back to Shinji. 02 deactivated, Kaoru no longer needing it. 01 turned to Kaoru and seized him in its strong hand.  
  
"WHY!" Shinji screamed through painful tears. Kaoru only smiled at Shinji and replied with a sweet voice, "I must live forever, but not here. Shinji, there is nothing more for me to do, please destroy me."  
  
Shinji stopped crying and stared at his friend. His eye twitched. Every person he ever got close to died or left. Everyone... Everyone's gone... I'm alone... All alone... No Kaoru, NO!  
  
"I can't!" Shinji yelled. Kaoru only smiled sympathetically at him.  
  
"Shinji, I love you. Please destroy me," Kaoru said. He closed his eyes and waited. Silence followed for three long, agonizing minutes.  
  
"NO!" Shinji screamed, squeezing his hand. He heard something hit the lake of LCL and looked out fearfully. Blood was dripping from 01's hand in long rivulets. Shinji's mouth fell open and he looked down at the lake. Kaoru's head was floating on the surface, a blank, blissful expression on it.  
  
Shinji didn't cry. Didn't scream. Didn't breathe. He sat there and stared.  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
No.  
  
"Shinji?"  
  
No...  
  
"SHINJI!"  
  
fuck you...  
  
fuck you! fuck YOU! FUCKYOU! FUCKYOU! FUCKYOU! FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU!!!  
  
Shinji blacked out.  
  
Tumbling through blackness, Shinji was falling. He had been for ten minutes. He hit the concrete and spat blood. It was his pillow. His bed. His grave. Shinji choked and wasn't bleeding anymore. He wasn't on concrete anymore.  
  
He was watching his 'real' self, his inner child playing at a park that seemed so familiar. The little kid was playing with a dump truck in a sand box. He was smiling, laughing, happy. Happy? What does that mean again? I can't quite remember...  
  
Suddenly, the child looked up and glared at Shinji. It startled and scared him, because his eyes were now bleeding.  
  
"Happy..." the child said before dissipating into LCL like the Rei's had. No, not dissipate; dismember. That was the word. His head fell off, his torso coming apart and his intestines coming loose. Shinji threw up and found himself in school, watching Rei.  
  
She was staring out the window, a black tear falling from her face. Shinji walked over and she looked up at him. He stroked the tear away and a new one fell. She opened her mouth, but LCL flooded out and she closed it quickly, looking sick.  
  
stop...  
  
She stood up and her back arched in pain. She was lifted into the air on a cross, her face growing seven eyes. She began to bleed profusely down the wooden cross, from wounds he couldn't see.  
  
stop!  
  
Gendo walked up, a giant above Shinji. He reached out and placed his hands on Rei's breasts.  
  
"It's time, Rei," he said soothingly.  
  
STOP!  
  
Shinji shot awake, sitting straight up. He was in the infirmary. It was dark, the fan above him turning idly. Shinji lay back down and stared at the ceiling. He began to think and realized he didn't care. He didn't care about anything. He had no meaning, no purpose. He wasn't there for any reason anymore. Shinji felt so helplessly empty that he wept.  
  
From the shadows, Rei watched him. She could feel his pain, but didn't weep like he did. 'Why?' she thought. Shinji suddenly became aware that he felt her presence also, and stopped crying.  
  
"Rei?" he asked. He had become so use to her 'aura' that he could tell it from anyone else. The blue haired girl stepped forward, holding her left arm with her right.  
  
"Why is it that you cry, Ikari?" she asked. He looked at her with an empty stare and held his hand out for her to come closer. She did, and he stroked her face gently.  
  
"That's why..."  
  
"I do not understand."  
  
Shinji smiled mirthlessly and looked at the ceiling, withdrawing his hand.  
  
"Because I am worth nothing. I have nothing. I am nothing. There's no reason to me being here," he said. She watched him for a long time, thinking hard.  
  
"You have a purpose..." she said quietly after a long time. Her face was now hidden in shadow.  
  
"What is that?" Shinji scoffed.  
  
"So I may learn to love again," she replied softer than before. Shinji didn't reply.  
  
"I don't believe that's possible anymore," Shinji said, not looking her in the face. He still loved her. He still loved her with his entire being, but that apathy was drowning him like a stone attached to his leg in a river.  
  
"I do," she said before leaving. She wasn't angry, just tired and thoughtful. She walked swiftly from the infirmary and went to her quarters. They were clean. She had begun to clean one day and had found a memory hidden of Shinji helping her clean. It was a funny memory, watching herself try to dust.  
  
She was better at it now. Valium was on the nightstand, but she hadn't needed that since she had recovered from the injuries she had when Shinji first saw her. The ruptured spleen had hurt badly. Valium had been the only drug she could take for it; she was allergic to Vicadin or such others. Of course, it always made her into even more of a zombie then many considered her to be already.  
  
Vicadin? Vaylacedrine? What were those? The machine? What? Something had popped into her mind, immense pain, crying, screaming, Shinji. It was confusing and gave her a headache, so she sat on her cot and lay out.  
  
Rei fell into a deep sleep that held no dreams.  
  
Shinji was dismissed from the hospital with a diagnosis of depression and a prescription for Prozac. He went to Misato's apartment and went inside. Misato wasn't there, like normal. He went directly to his room, took the Prozac, put the bottle on his desk and went for a knife. He stared at it after making one long line in his skin. It didn't feel as good as it used to. Nothing did.  
  
Shinji went to the bathroom and looked through the cabinets. He pulled out a bottle of Acetaminophen and popped fifty pills with water. His vision went blurry and he smiled before crashing to the floor, knocking his head against the white tiles. He bled from a cut on his forehead sustained from the fall, and the cut on his arm.  
  
"Major Katsuragi! Come here, sir!" Maya yelled. Misato wandered her way over to the lieutenant and looked at the view monitor. Shinji was laying on the floor, not moving and bleeding. The purple haired woman immediately called for a doctor and 911 and then marched straight up to Commander Ikari, who was with Kozo.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO THAT POOR KID!" she screamed. Gendo turned around and looked calmly at her, a cold glint in his eye.  
  
"Pilot Ikari is expendable. I know what I'm doing. I suggest you change your tone, Major. That's insubordination," he left. Misato was so furious she punched a consol and broke her pinky.  
  
"Damn it all to hell!" she yelled. She broke down and cried. The bridge bunnies averted their eyes.  
  
Shinji went through several days of heavy therapy before they released him back home, still alive. He was under constant surveillance. They upped his Prozac dosage and had a guard within fifteen feet of him at all times. Shinji didn't really care.  
  
He didn't care until he received news that Asuka was out from the mental hospital. Out and AWOL. She had run away. Shinji's heart sunk. 'Asuka...' he thought sadly. Quietly, he planned the whole thing out.  
  
The next day, when he was going to eat breakfast, he climbed out his window. The guard rushed in, but Shinji scaled the outer ledge of the apartment. It was fifteen feet to the ground, so he just jumped and landed with bended knees.  
  
He then ran down several alleyways and side paths that no one ever took. There were NERV cars out for him, but he ran through the forest and came out on the damaged side of Tokyo-3. The side he had destroyed. Well, not him, but Rei, who had self-destructed to save Shinji.  
  
The buildings were beyond repair, many taken to the ground. Shinji began a methodical search and went through every building, taking two days for half. On the third day he was so hungry he threw up, but continued his search. NERV cars were driving slowly down the streets, searching for him. He avoided them and went into a building with a shower head sticking out of a hole in the top.  
  
Asuka was sitting in a half-full bathtub, completely naked and pale. She looked famished and nearly dead. Shinji couldn't even cry at the sight. Her skin was wrinkled and her eyes were distant.  
  
"Asuka?" he asked softly. She turned her head toward him, but made no sound. Her clothes were on a chair to the tub's right. Her hair was adorned with dust and cement.  
  
"Can you hear me?" he asked. She only moaned a response. Shinji reached into the tub, lifted her out, and carried her from the building. He was in a daze, not really there. Nothing could have broken Asuka this bad. Nothing...  
  
But he was wrong. Asuka was broke. Bad.  
  
The NERV cars picked him up and he ended up back at NERV, where he didn't want to be. Misato tried to talk to him, but he ran off. He ran off, crying, screaming, being a baby.  
  
That's right, you baby. You're nothing.  
  
SHUT UP!  
  
Fuck you.  
  
Shinji ran to an unused hallway on level four and hid under a stairway. That's when the explosions started.  
  
"All our external cameras are out, and there are special operations soldiers pouring in from the front gates. Many guards are already dead!" Aoba reported to Misato. She sighed and sank to her knees.  
  
"It's gonna be bad this time, guys. Get Asuka to 02, Rei to 00, and Shinji to 01," she reported. The bridge bunnies nodded and Gendo smiled.  
  
"Take care of things for me, Kozo," Gendo said, getting up from his chair.  
  
"Give my regards to Yui," Kozo replied solemnly.  
  
Continued.... Author's Notes: The next chapter will be longer, I promise. Anyway, I hope you like the ending, it's coming here really soon. 


	19. The End of the World Part One

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion...  
  
Rated R for violence, sexuality and language.  
  
Story Title: Masochistic Chapter Nineteen: End of the World, Part One Author: Mosher-24  
  
"Major! Asuka is in intensive care, and we can't find Rei!" Aoba reported. He was working frantically at his computer, typing in commands, but all the icons kept turning up as 'captured.'  
  
"Get Asuka to 02 and send her to the bottom of the lake! Where's Shinji?" Misato yelled. Rei would have to be found, but she needed to find Shinji too. There was a sinking feeling in the bottom of her stomach, because Shinji had lost the desire to live, which meant they would probably have to force him into Unit 01.  
  
"Shinji's on the fourth level..." Maya said softly.  
  
"Dammit! Take care of things for me! I've got to go get Shinji!" Misato said, loading her 9mm and running through a large pair of doors and to an elevator to level four. 'Oh, God, let him be alive,' she thought.  
  
The soldiers ran down another hallway, identical to the one before.  
  
"This place all looks the same," one soldier complained.  
  
"Shut up," the Sergeant replied. He had his pistol drawn and looked ahead. There was a NERV agent struggling to get up, sitting on her knees. The Sarge fired a round at her, spattering her blood across the wall to her right. She went down.  
  
He walked up and saw she was still struggling for life, blood and spittle coming from the corners of her twitching mouth. The Sergeant stomped on her chest with his right combat boot and put two more rounds into her face, her body convulsing and then ceasing all movement.  
  
"One more floor up, Sarge," his third soldier replied. There were only four of them all together. They were on a special mission. The Sergeant smiled and looked down a hall to his left. There were bodies all down it, all wearing NERV clothing. Blood was spattered all over, blocks of cement and dust settling on the floor.  
  
The Sergeant led his boys down another hallway. Once he reached the elevator room, he walked around the corner and to the nearest ride. It was descending to him. His fourth soldier turned the corner and flew back in a spray of blood and bullets. Automatic fire was coming from the Sergeant's right.  
  
His boys took care of it before he could turn. They opened up with three round bursts from their MP5s and tore the NERV guy apart. They checked the downed soldier and diagnosed him as dead.  
  
The elevator arrived and they got in, riding it one floor up. When the door opened, they ran through the hallways, where active battle was going on, and to an unused hallway. There was a staircase and under it, a hiding boy.  
  
"We've found the third child," the Sergeant said into his communications link. He walked up to Shinji, pulled his head up and put the gun in his mouth.  
  
"Commencing termination. Nothing personal kid," the Sergeant said. He smiled and a bang echoed through the hallway...  
  
Aoba ducked as the large explosion rocked the control room. The special agents entered and began to exchange fire with the bridge bunnies. Aoba gave a pistol to Maya and ordered her to shoot.  
  
"I can't DAMMIT! These are people! Not targets!" she said, before cowering under her consol. Aoba spat at her, then took an MP5 and opened up with fully automatic fire. A few spec ops fell from his barrage, but more came to take their place.  
  
"Damn, this looks hopeless," someone screamed. Aoba nodded in agreement and took a few more spec ops out.  
  
Ritsuko was finishing the defenses on the magi. They had let her out of the brig only to defend NERV. She planned to do that and more. Once her firewalls were in place, she ran down a secret corridor and took a private elevator to Terminal Dogma.  
  
When she came to her stop, she ran out of the elevator and into a large room with Lilith on her cross. Gendo hadn't arrived yet, but would be surprised when he did. Doctor Akagi loaded the pistol that she had concealed in her lab coat.  
  
Shinji opened his eyes. 'I'm not dead?' he thought. His answer came soon enough, when another shot rang out and then automatic retaliation. Two of the spec ops fell, a third was pushed against the wall.  
  
"No offense taken," came Misato's voice, before the report of a gun and the sound of brains splattering the wall. Shinji looked up to see Misato standing over the dead corpse of a spec op.  
  
"M-Misato?" Shinji asked in a small voice. She turned around to him with a smile and helped him up. Shinji didn't want to get up, though, and he hung there, with his weight nowhere.  
  
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Misato asked. Shinji didn't reply. He wanted to die, to be free of the agony of living.  
  
"Get up," Misato ordered. "Why?" Shinji asked.  
  
"Because you have people counting on you," Misato yelled.  
  
"They shouldn't rely on me... I'll only let them down," Shinji said softly. He felt so stupid... So inferior.  
  
"Hundreds of lives are in your hands now and you're gonna sit?" she screamed at him. He didn't reply.  
  
"You fucking wimp! You can't do anything, so why are you here? You live for something, yet you sit by like a stupid fucking vegetable while the people who love you die!" Misato yelled.  
  
"NO ONE LOVES ME!" Shinji screamed, tears beginning to fall from his face.  
  
"I DO!" Misato screamed back. Shinji stared at her, shock on his features. Misato looked at him with an unreadable expression, "and you're letting me down. You're just going to let me die."  
  
Shinji stood up and looked at her, before answering, "where do I have to go?" Misato grinned and led him through unused passageways to the EVA cages. Unit 02 was gone, Unit 00 and 01 were sitting idly.  
  
"I want you to get into 01 and get out of here so you'll be safe. I fear there is more to come," Misato said, hugging Shinji. She grunted.  
  
"What's wrong?" Shinji asked her. She shook her head and gave him a deep, passionate kiss, biting his lip.  
  
"That was an adult kiss. We can finish the rest later, okay?" Misato said. Shinji stared at her, shocked. She pushed him into the entry plug and had it inserted into Unit 01 before falling to the ground in a heap. She looked at the ceiling as 01 launched.  
  
The cage rumbled as the massive Eva shot to the surface. Her vision began to go purple and her pain subsided. A pool of blood was forming around her body.  
  
'Shouldn't of been so careless when I attacked those Spec Ops,' she thought. Kaji flashed through her mind before she died.  
  
"Misato! MISATO!" Shinji screamed. He was staring down as the Eva went up the elevator. He had blood on his shirt where she had hugged him. That was what the kiss was, just a distraction so Shinji wouldn't know and she could get him into the plug.  
  
"No..." he whispered softly, tears falling from his face and dissipating in the LCL. Misato was gone, because she tried to save him. Another one bites the dust.  
  
Everyone I love dies... Misato, Rei, Asuka, Mother... dad... Shinji didn't consider the man alive to be his dad. That man killed his father a long time ago. Shinji wept as he shot to the surface, that's when Asuka's screams started.  
  
For the past four minutes, Asuka had been whooping the Mass Produced Eva's that had shot from the sky. There were nine of them. She had attacked those white fuckers like she had no tomorrow. Her mother was with her, the soul inside 02.  
  
Asuka jumped over one, split its head and stabbed another with the progressive knife. Blood was flying through the air, her paint on the art this battle was turning out to be. She was smiling and cursing in German at her enemies, the long faced, long tongued white EVAs.  
  
"BAKA!" Asuka yelled as her Eva went dead. Her cable had been severed earlier against the Internal Japanese Government's artillery. She had used up her five minute limit and now her Eva sat idly.  
  
The EVAs she thought she had dispersed began to regenerate, for they had S2 engines hidden within their cores. All nine soon ganged up on her and skewered her head. Blood shot from 02's face and Asuka screamed, because she was still in synch with it.  
  
The white enemies then got on all fours and began to devour 02, limb by limb. They ripped open the guy, and ate the intestines and the spleen, ripping her kidneys out. Asuka screamed and cried and arched her back in agony.  
  
The nine EVAs soon had 02 dissected and broke her ribs and squashed the heart in a gush of blood. They took the torso of 02, ripped open and bleeding, and flew into the air with it.  
  
Shinji had ascended to the surface by then, and had watched this, his eyes twitching, but unblinking. His arms were going numb, as was his entire body. Something flashed before his eyes. His life.  
  
It was pathetic and small and now he was pissed. In fact, he was FUCKING pissed. He tensed up completely, veins showing up on every part of his body. His eye opened wide, the pupils going to tiny dots in his iris. Shinji screamed, growled, and roared at the same time.  
  
01 screamed also, shooting to the sky. It went to the fetal position in the air, then shot back, spreading its arms and legs wide. Wing of pure energy shot from its back and caught the wind.  
  
The Eva flew in a circle before descending on the EVAs. Shinji spoke, but it was in a deep, demonic roar.  
  
"Die."  
  
Gendo put his hand on Rei's bare breast, over her heart. She looked up at him with an icy stare, but he wasn't shaken. In moments his hand began to sink into her. She gritted her teeth as Gendo's arm sunk deeper into her. As he hand reached her heart, they began floating into the air.  
  
"It's time, Rei. Time for third impact," he said. She didn't reply. Gendo put his hand on Rei's bare breast, over her heart. She looked up at him with an icy stare, but he wasn't shaken. In moments his hand began to sink into her. She gritted her teeth as Gendo's arm sunk deeper into her. As he hand reached her heart, they began floating into the air.  
  
The two floated past the walls of Terminal Dogma to the room with Lilith. A bullet ripped through the air and stopped and fell, an orange shield rippling in the air.  
  
"An A.T. field, should of known," Ritsuko muttered. She knew it was over. Gendo and Rei landed, his arm still soaked into her body. Gendo drew a gun from his pocket with the free arm and shot Akagi without a word.  
  
The bullet ripped through her skull, turning her vision black and spraying grey matter into the LCL lake before she plunged in. Her body floated uselessly and absolutely dead.  
  
Gendo then continued his ascent to Lilith.  
  
Thoughts were racing through Rei's head. She missed Pilot Ikari. Missed him with the pit of her stomach, and wanted him with all she had, but Commander Ikari was driving her to the angel.  
  
"No, I don't want to go," she said softly. Gendo didn't even bother to reply. He was too close to Yui. Too close to heaven to stop.  
  
Aoba fell to the ground, a bullet wound in his stomach. He was bleeding profusely and Maya was dead. Kozo was slumped in his desk, a bullet wound through his head. The spec ops sat and laughed as Aoba twitched in pain and agony. He spat some blood up and looked to his right.  
  
His blood had pooled and spread across the control room floor. His vision went black with the last thought of, "I'm sorry to whatever God I offended."  
  
"When the end is come And death is one Remember only mother and offspring Will rise the sun."  
  
That was the last thing Rei heard before Gendo touched Lilith and both were absorbed into her. That's when everything started...  
  
Gendo was all of a sudden standing in front of Shinji's Eva. The enemy EVAs were gone. 01 was out of his control, and reached down and grabbed Gendo into his hand. The Commander looked happily at the cameras.  
  
"I love you son," he said before 01 bit his head off.  
  
"NO!" Shinji screamed. He felt strange. He felt like he was melting...  
  
Continued... Author's notes: This one is shorter, but I hoped you liked the content. The next chapter will be the last, then an Epilogue afterwards. Please stick around!  
  
Next Chapter: End of the World, Part Two. 


	20. The End of the World Part Two

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion…

Just a note, I know I changed some things around. Gimme a break, eh? This is also a very strange chapter.

Story Title: Masochistic

Author: Mosher-24

Chapter 19: End of the World Part Two

Shinji tried to open his eyes, but the bright light that poured in burned his retinas, so he closed them tight again. His face contorted with the silent agony, but his ground his teeth together and forced them open again. By squinting, he slowly became used to the brightness and could eventually, after several minutes, open them fully. He blinked once. Twice. And sat up.

"Whoa," he said, falling back over. For some reason, his equilibrium was off. His voice echoed as if he were in Terminal Dogma again. 'Oh God… not that place…' he thought, shuddering at everything he had experienced within Terminal Dogma's depths.

Shinji took a deep breath, letting the air come in through his nose and out his mouth, then closed his eyes and sat up again, feeling considerably less dizzy. When he was finally stable, he opened his eyes and looked around. Where he was, he didn't know, but everything was blank. There was an endless expanse of white and nothing more. It was like he had met eternity… it was like he had…

Died.

'I'm dead?' Shinji thought, less anxious then he had thought. "If this is death… it's not that bad. I'll miss my friends though," Shinji said to himself, sure that he'd be all the company he'd ever have again. It was strange how non-chalant he felt about it, for if it had only been months before, he would have freaked out about being alone… but in the expanse of a month, he had lost everything he had known and he hated it. It was better to know none but himself…

"What are you fretting about?" said an angelic female voice. Shinji stood up straight, his joints aching slightly, and spun around to find a nude figure staring at him with a smile. He didn't recognize her at first, but she came closer and her features came to view. Even though he had only been little last time he saw her, he knew her…

"Mom?" Shinji asked, a single tear finding its way to his eye. The joy of finding his mother again shuddered through him and he felt it grow in his chest like a balloon that could burst at any second. Shinji couldn't even be embarrassed at her nakedness, or his own, for he had no clothes on either.

"Yes, son… it's been a while," she whispered, taking her son into her arms. Shinji closed his eyes and smiled, feeling warmth pass through him. At that moment, Shinji didn't care about anything else.

"I've missed you, mother," Shinji whispered as her hands rubbed his back, bringing back memories he didn't know he had. Being in the park… feeling her rub his back and say she loved him… seeing…. 'Dad?'

"Mom! What's happening? Where are we?" Shinji asked, the thought of his father bringing him back to reality. He had no idea what had happened, or what was going on and that suddenly meant everything to him. 'Rei! Dad! What the hell is going on!?'

"Sh, be still Shinji. This is heaven, in a sense. You're father's dream come true: Third Impact," Yui said, smiling. Shinji backed away from her, feeling a slight sadness build in his chest. 'Father's dream?'

"I-I don't understand!" Shinji said, looking around frantically. He felt very claustrophobic all of a sudden and had to find a way out. Yui gently touched his cheek though and he felt the anxiousness melt away. He smiled and waited for an explanation with calm.

"When your father and I were separated, he wanted to finish my ideas and be reunited," Yui started, running her hands through Shinji's hair. "I know he didn't do everything like a father should… but this was all for love, Shinji. Your father loves you," she finished, smiling gently at him.

Shinji frowned. "Love me? He treated me like vermin… I hate him," Shinji whispered, clenching his fists. The peace that had been in him was now slowly leaking out and he knew that his mother could not restore it. He had to find out what was going on.

"That's your choice, son, but he does love you," Yui said, her smile disappearing. Her hand fell from his face, but she continued to stroke his hair with her other. "What is third impact?" Shinji asked after a long silence. A silence that had seemed to take hours.

"Third Impact is the beginning of new life. When Adam meets Lilith and makes everyone unite," Yui said, trying to be simplistic, but the concept of Third Impact was a difficult thing to put into one sentence.

"I still don't understand…" Shinji said quietly, feeling stupid. Deep down he knew that he would be extraordinary if he did know the stuff, but he didn't want to acknowledge that he might be a bright, ordinary boy.

"When Adam meets Lilith, all the children of Lilith are combined into a single being. Like… a pool of LCL. We are all combined, with no boundaries around our hearts," Yui explained further, a smile returning to her face.

"You mean? I am no longer… me?" Shinji asked, still a bit confused. He furrowed his brow, trying hard to comprehend just what a huge thing Third Impact was.

"No… you are you. There still is a certain… individuality to each person, but we can all see each other for what we are. There are no boundaries around hearts… or minds. Call it… heaven. In this state, you can make your own world of anything you want," Ikari stated, her hands falling from Shinji's hair. They were getting slightly tired and so was her brain. Shinji sat there for a long time, then looked up.

"I don't want to make my own world, I want reality back. Are Rei and Asuka and everyone here?" Shinji asked, looking into his mother's eyes. They were beautiful hazel eyes that brought back feelings that had hidden so long inside him. 'I can be beautiful…' he thought, not quite knowing where the random musing came from. It was like someone else speaking with his voice.

"Yes, everyone is here. You may see them if you wish, but I warn you, you may see things you are not quite willing to see," Yui told him, her face becoming serious. She had explored everything within the phenomenon that she could, and she had found quite unpleasant things.

"How do I see them?" Shinji asked, determination setting in his mind. 'I must finish this through… I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away!' he thought with forceful adamancy.

"You just have to reach out with your heart. But I cannot go with you. Just remember… When the end is come, death is one. Only mother and offspring with raise the sun," Yui said, bowing shortly. "I love you Shinji," she said before disappearing into the white beyond. Shinji stared, feeling a mixture of emotions.

"I love you too mom," he whispered. His determination was now a mixture of doubt and fear. He had no clue what she had meant and that scared him, because it obviously had a great deal of importance.

'Who should I see first?' Shinji thought, closing his eyes. Rei… was not his choice. He didn't know if he could handle her not knowing their relationship anymore, especially after everything they had been through.

"Toji," Shinji said out loud, envisioning his friend in his thoughts. The boy had a smile on his face, no injuries and he was calling Shinji. In an instant, Shinji felt happy and called out, feeling his body lift into the air. A strange warm feeling passed through his body like an electric discharge and he was on the ground, clothes on his back.

"Oof," came a muffled voice. Shinji stood up quickly and smiled down at the boy he had landed on. They were in some sort of park with benches of wood and foliage galore. The trees were all lush green and beautiful, the sky completely clear. The grass was just the perfect height with no weeds and bushes and flowers growing around every corner. On the ground was a stone walkway up to the benches, which were on a hill.

"Shinji?" Toji asked in disbelief, staring at the boy who had fallen on him. Both the friends were dressed in their school uniforms and looked as they had at the beginning of the entire NERV experience. "Toji!" Shinji said, his face refusing to stop the smile that had appeared. The friends hugged each other, before someone tapped their shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I don't appreciate you two leaving me out," Kensuke said, pushing his glasses back onto his face. He grinned at them and the three laughed for what seemed like years, rejoicing in the sudden reunion.

"What the hell is happening?" Toji asked after the laughter died, a smile still lingering on his face. Kensuke shrugged and they both looked to Shinji, who sighed, still smiling. "If I understood it all, I'd give you all the details. As far as I know, we're in 'heaven'," he told them, furrowing his brow once more. His two friends mirrored the expression.

"Heaven?" Toji asked, looking down at his body. He stared for a while, then looked up. "I guess… maybe it makes sense. I mean… I'm no longer injured," he sighed and ran a hand through his perfect hair.

"I just remember that I was sleeping… then I woke up here," Kensuke said, fixing the bridge of his glasses again. Toji nodded and Shinji kept quiet, knowing he would just make an idiot of himself if he tried to explain further.

"Hey… who's that?" Toji asked, pointing to a figure standing on the hill. Whoever it was had appeared from no where and was standing in shadow, even though it was perfectly bright outside with no clouds. The figure was beckoning to them now and Shinji felt irresistibly drawn because it looked a lot like…

"Come on," Shinji said, taking the hill at a run. "Hey, wait up!" Toji yelled, running after his friend with Kensuke following closely behind. As Shinji neared the top, the figure became clearer, but turned around and walked out of sight, further up the hill. Shinji huffed harder and took the incline faster. As he leveled out at the top, however, no one was in sight.

"Hey, crazy bastard, what the hell is going on?" Toji asked, reaching the top and placing his hand on Shinji's shoulder. Kensuke reached the top shortly after and all three stood, catching their breath and staring at what was in front of them.

"What the hell?.." Kensuke gasped, blinking three times to make sure he saw correctly. In front of them was a giant sea of LCL, stretching as far as the eye could see. The orange liquid was glittering in the brilliant sun as if it were an earthly ocean. The breeze was playing off the scene like gentle background music and all the three friends could do was stare.

"What is it?" Toji asked, moving closer. The benches were close to a cliff, which dropped several feet to a beach. The LCL washed up the beach in tides, carrying with it what looked like silvery outlines of… people.

"That would be the entrance," a voice said closely behind. The three friends spun around only to see a tall boy staring back at them with crimson eyes. His platinum hair had grown and was now falling in his eyes, which were devoid of any negative emotion. A gentle smile had spread across his angelic face. Shinji knew him…

"Kaoru!" Shinji yelled, feeling a mix of happiness and anger flood him. The emotions threatened to overtake him, but he held off and settled for clenching his fist. Toji looked from Kensuke to Shinji to the newcomer.

"Who are you?" Kensuke asked, trying to recall if he'd seen him before. Kaoru ignored Toji and Kensuke and continued to stare at Shinji with a piercing gaze. Shinji stared back, silently thinking of what he should do.

"You betrayed me…" Shinji whispered, looking at the ground. A tear fell down his cheek and hit the perfect grass, setting one of the blades afire. "What the hell?" Toji asked, backing up.

"I'm sorry, my friend. It was necessary to get here," Kaoru said, bowing in apology. Shinji looked up at him, his face contorting in furry. The young Ikari gave into his anger at Kaoru for making him think he was his friend… for making him trust.

"What if I don't want to be here!" Shinji spat, feeling a flow of tears overtake him. Agony and rage were washing over him, drowning him… seizing his mind. 'Calm down…' Shinji thought, but it wasn't his voice. It was Rei's.

"No! I don't want to be here! I want it how it was!" Shinji screamed, turning and running towards the cliff. It suddenly appeared much farther back then it had just a few minutes ago.

"Shinji, stop!" Kaoru, Toji, and Kensuke yelled in unison, reaching out to grab him, but Shinji was past. He jumped and flew off the cliff at a high speed, heading straight for the sea.

The orange angel blood got closer and Shinji plunged into it, instantly freezing. It was so cold that it appeared to burn, but he just let himself sink. As he got farther down, the pressure got worse and eventually, he felt like he was to the point where he would implode.

"What do you think you're doing?" Misato asked, and suddenly Shinji was back at the apartment. Misato wasn't talking to Shinji, however, she was talking to Kaji, who was standing there in the flesh. He took a hold of the Major and planted a kiss onto her lips that would have made her fall to her knees had he not been holding her.

"Kaji?" Misato whispered as their lips parted, keeping hers only inches away from his. "I love you," he whispered in response, before kissing her again and laying her out on the couch, right there in the living room.

"Oh my God," Shinji whispered, retreating to his room. It was bare, even his cello was gone. The only thing in the room was his bed, which had a single white sheet on it. Shinji looked around frantically, hearing the moans from the other rooms grow.

On the middle of the bed, perfectly sharpened and polished, was a knife. Shinji felt the familiar pull of his attention and couldn't help but pick the knife up. With it as his retribution, he slashed his arms like he never had before.

The blood stained the white sheets with a tainted reminder that he couldn't change the way things were. He couldn't have yesterday back and he'd never be able to take back the past. When he couldn't hold the knife anymore through the pain, he dropped it to the bed, which now had large red splotches. The moans from the living room died out and he heard laughing and eventually, snoring.

The blood ran down his arm in a crimson testimony to how he felt. It was strange, because it didn't bring him anything more than pain; no pleasure. The searing was almost too much, so he hurried out to the bathroom, where he washed his wounds and gritted his teeth to bear the pain.

"You're so weak," was whispered into his ear. Shinji looked around slowly to find Asuka staring at him, her eyes oddly vacant. Her hair was mopped with sweat and Shinji could sense that there was something very wrong.

"Asuka…" Shinji didn't even know what to say, but he turned to her and looked into her eyes, searching for the strong person she was, or the strong person he thought she was. For moments he saw it and she ran to him, throwing her arms around him. She sobbed into his shoulder.

"Shinji… I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm caught in these flashes of anger," she cried, holding him tight against her. Shinji didn't know what to do or say, so he settled for holding her there in that moment, feeling sorry for her but crying no tears.

"I just wanted to be better. I just wanted to be loved more than a doll… more than they loved me," Asuka said, her crying stopping. She pulled away and turned to the wall. The bathroom was very simple with only a sink, toilet, and shower. The walls were white tile, along with the floor. There were tiny flecks of blood on the floor from the remnant dripping on Shinji's arm.

"But even you love the doll more," Asuka said quietly, fading away once more. She lay on the ground and pulled herself into as tight a ball as possible. "Momma," she whimpered, sniffling like a little child.

"Asuka… You're stronger than this. You're better than this, get up," Shinji said, finally feeling the emotions hit him. It was like a delayed reaction that would have been better had it not happened at all. The emotion got caught back in his throat, causing him to choke up.

"Shut up… you don't know me, do you? No… you can't," Asuka said, as if trying to convince herself otherwise. She sat up and looked at Shinji with desperate eyes. Tears were now flowing from those beautiful ice blue eyes and Shinji could do nothing.

"I loved you Shinji… I loved you with all my heart and you betrayed me like you have everyone else," she said, getting up and walking toward him. In a second, she was apologetic, then aggressive again. 'Oh my God… you really have broken, Asuka…' Shinji thought, feeling that if someone like Asuka could break, then there was little hope.

"Just yell at me…" Shinji begged quietly, looking at the ground. Asuka didn't respond verbally, but smacked him across the face. "Pathetic," she muttered, turning away. 'Pathetic? I love you… I hate you,' Shinji's thoughts were so confused that he became drastically frustrated and spun Asuka around forcefully, seizing her throat in his hands.

He began to squeeze. He didn't let loose until she was turning purple, her veins popping out and her mouth open frantically trying to gasp in air. Her hands were flailing about, as were her limbs. Shinji realized what he had done and let go, staring in disbelief at her. She had marks on her neck already appearing.

"No…. Asuka, I'm so sorry," Shinji whispered, running past her. When he reached the door, he felt his feet being tugged and someone whisper in his ear for him to hush.

It was like being dragged on a nylon surface for miles, it never seemed to end. He began to get dizzy, because it was like he was being sucked through LCL and a constant feeling of disorientation played with his brain. When he finally stopped he was in a large theater.

Shinji had appeared on the stage, which had a wooden floor and navy curtains to either side. Past the stage was a large room with many cushioned seats for the audience. The shear size took him by surprise, for it was easily over three hundred feet tall and just as long back, if not more.

"I made it," came a small voice that was so familiar. Shinji didn't even turn around, he couldn't bear it. Knowing exactly who was there made it bad enough, but seeing her would push him off the edge. His arms hurt horribly, the skin beginning to form horrid scars.

"Why do you not speak, Ikari-kun?" Rei asked, coming closer. He sensed her body near his and turned to see her beautiful crimson eyes staring into his. Those same crimson eyes he had stared in while he told her how much he loved her. 'Well… not the exact same eyes' he thought as a bitter joke, but it only brought tears to his eyes.

"Because yesterday will never come back and I will have to live with the fact that I lost you everyday," Shinji said, biting his lips to try and hold back the sobs. He turned back away from her and stared blankly at the seats.

"Lost me? How can you lose me, Ikari-kun, I am right here," Rei said, feeling a slight bit confused. Her voice was soft and unemotional, as always. With a feeling of anxious fear, she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. She had seen it done before, plus… it was somehow comforting to her. Shinji, however, broke down and sobbed again. He felt he had been crying so much that he'd drown in his own tears.

Rei withdrew her hand and stared at the ground, wondering what to do. Feeling she had never felt before had been awakening within her every time she even thought of Shinji, but it was so overwhelming she didn't know how to deal with it. Instead of acting, she had decided to stay neutral.

"I thought you might like this place… Ikari-kun. That is why I created it," Rei said quietly, looking around. 'Am I inadequate?' she asked herself internally, feeling slightly embarrassed. She clasped her left arm in her right hand, across her school uniform.

"It's a lovely theater, Rei… It's just that…" Shinji began, but cut off and put his head in his hand. Rei stared at him, feeling a stirring of emotion inside her but not acting on it. Even deeper then the emotion, she felt like something was trying to emerge. Something rather… powerful. "It is just that what, Ikari-kun?" Rei asked, wishing to know more. To feel more.

"Rei, I love you and I have loved you and you don't even know what it is," Shinji said, sitting down. His tears had stopped for a spell, enabling him to sit and breathe. He wanted nothing more than to be away from her, but no matter how hard he tried, it was like he was locked in the theater.

"I do not… but I-" Rei wasn't sure what to finish the statement with. Shinji looked up at her with a pain-stained face and pleading eyes, so, against her will, she finished. "I think that what you make me feel is love…" she whispered, which, for Rei, was rather quiet. Shinji didn't want to believe what he had heard.

In an instant, Shinji had the first child in his arms, her lips drawn to his. He felt that familiar spark of energy flash through him and put everything he had into it. Even as their lips parted, he began crying again, missing her so much.

"Ikari-kun?" Rei whispered, her eyes closed. Her voice was still quiet and stoic, though she felt nothing like those normal emotions. An energy was pulsing through her, a strange energy.

"Yes, Rei?" Shinji asked, caressing her cheek with his hand, despite his promise not to let himself touch her. She stared at him and said, "kiss me again, please?" And kiss her, he did. He brought her lips to his in a kiss of as much passion and love as the previous; which was worthy of an encore.

"Ungh," Rei groaned as she pulled away and curled up. She curled into a ball and began to dry heave, her face becoming even paler than usual. "Rei!" Shinji yelled, making his way for her side. Before he got there, however, a glow began to emanate off of Rei.

"Rei?.." Shinji stared as she opened her mouth and the outline of a gigantic being floated out and dissipated into the air. Rei sat up, a little bit of sweat on her brow. She looked at Shinji for the longest time, who stared back, wondering what the hell had happened.

"Shinji…" she whispered after a few moments of silence and Shinji cried more, this time tears of joy. She was back… he didn't know how, when, where, or why, but she was and that was all that mattered at the moment. The joy that was surging through him gave him enough energy to take her into his arms and kiss her again and again and again.

"What the hell just happened?" Shinji asked between kisses. Rei smiled softly in response and kissed him back with as much fervor as he had been offering. "That was Lilith's soul, which was been residing within me," she said calmly. Shinji only nodded, not caring what it was, just glad that Rei was back.

"I love you," she whispered to him. Shinji only nodded through the tears, hearing the words he had so longed for. Somehow, Shinji found the strength to make love to her, right there and then. Through it all, Shinji couldn't stop thinking about how much he loved her, or how much he wanted her.

When they finally stopped, Shinji lay next to Ayanami and held her close, running his fingers through her blue hair. It felt amazing to be doing it again, even though it, in a sense, was not real. Rei rested her head in the crook of his neck and the couple fell asleep there on the stage, even though it was not entirely comfortable.

Shinji stayed in the theater for longer then he could count. He visited Toji and Kensuke and occasionally Asuka. Misato was also a frequent guest and Shinji was happy with Rei, lying with her and catching up on all the time they had lost and all the pain endured. Many a day they just held each other, no words spoken between them. But not everything can stay perfect…

Shinji eventually became unhappy, because it wasn't real. He wasn't with Rei in Tokyo-3, where he belonged. The more he understood it, the more he hated the theory of Third Impact. The third child couldn't stand the thought of essentially being someone else, or completely accessible. He liked the way things had been.

"Rei… can't we go back?" he finally asked, summoning all the courage he had built up. It was a tough question, because he knew Rei liked it there. She stared at him with those passive eyes and quietly asked him why.

"Because… I like it how it used to be," Shinji said, feeling stupid.

"You may go back if you wish, Shinji," Rei told him, coming to his side. She kissed him softly on the lips and looked into his eyes.

"Will you marry me then, Rei Ayanami?" Shinji asked, taking her hand in his. It was a spur of the moment thing, and Shinji had no time to think about it before he asked. There was a long silence in which Shinji felt like there was less and less of a chance, but the answer came in only a minute.

"Yes."

"Really?" Shinji asked, feeling rather elated. He was going to get to go back with Rei and they would be married and raise a family. It would be the perfect, corny ending for the tainted love story.

"If you really wish to go back, you must find your mother and unite with Soryu to escape," Rei said, hiding the sadness in her voice. She had not told him she could not follow and did not plan to, not until he was out.

"My mother?" Shinji asked, but before he could say another word, or even blink, Rei had disappeared along with the theater. He was standing next to Unit-01, who was just as gigantic as ever.

"Rei! REI!" Shinji called, looking around. He looked up at 01 and it clicked. "Mother… in 01, but… why?" he whispered, making his way to the elevator that led to the entry plug. It was a quick ride up and when he reached the top, his plug suit was ready.

Quickly changing, he pressurized the suit and it sucked into a skin-tight fit. The room he was in was another completely white expanse stretching forever. 01's purple jaws were opened maliciously. The third child entered the entry plug, which inserted itself into the Eva automatically. The plug filled with LCL and Shinji felt the all-too-familiar disorientation of being synched.

It was strange, being back in one of those things. It had been months… or had it? Shinji had no idea how long he'd been in this little world. But he couldn't wait to get away with Rei and move into the country.

"Shinji? Is that you?" Shinji's communications link crackled to life and a video of Asuka came on screen, her face still troubled. She had a smile though, and he could see her mother behind her. She looked just like Asuka, except with brown hair. It was strange.

"I see you have your mother with you too," she said to him. Shinji stared at the screen, and then spun around to see his mother, Yui Ikari, behind him. She smiled and stroked his hair, her touch soothing once more. She then pointed to the screen, which was now showing the Lance of Longinus.

"Remember what I said earlier sun… When death is come…" Yui whispered to him, kissing his cheek and indicating to the lance.

"The Lance?.." Shinji asked, willing 01 to move forward. It did without any resistance of any kind and 02 came into view also, perfectly repaired into red glory. It stared at Shinji and an Audio only link came through.

"Together?" Asuka asked. Shinji somehow knew what she was talking about. He willed Unit-01 to grab the Lance with one hand, as 02 did the same. Shinji could feel his mother's hand with his and in that moment, 02 and 01 synched and drew the lance back and threw it through the air. It cut through the white expanse like a butcher knife, slicing up the false reality to reveal a ruined Tokyo-3 and a real sea of LCL.

Suddenly, Shinji's stomach felt as if it had bottomed out and he was falling with 01. He screamed and landed with a hard thump on the beach, no longer in Unit-01. The Evangelion was gone and there was nothing around but a Lake of LCL and city ruins. Shinji stared around, feeling slightly desperate.

"Rei? Rei!" he called over and over, running down the beach and wading into the LCL. She was no where to be found and he broke down and cried again. 'Just when I found her… I lost her again,' he thought in pain. A digging in his thigh signaled something sharp in his pocket.

He reached in and pulled out a knife by its smooth wooden hilt. The blade glittered in the sun, which was blazing overhead. A desperate shudder ran through him and he slowly brought the knife to his skin, which was free of any scars. A tingling then ran through him, but he did not cut.

"It'd be better if I just died…"

"Do not say that, Shinji." The voice was like beautiful music and Shinji searched frantically for his lover. She was still no where around, however and he looked to the sky for an answer and saw only blue sky.

"My love, I am sorry, but I had to trick you. You did not want to be here, but I cannot leave. I am bound here until every soul decides for sure what they are going to do. Now that you have ripped a hole to reality, many will follow, but many will stay. I am sorry to say, I will be quite a while, maybe more than a couple years. Please do not forget that I love you and remember my promise. I will marry you, Shinji Ikari," Rei's voice spoke to his ear. It sent trickles of an unidentified emotion down his spine.

"I love you, Rei," Shinji whispered, wiping his eyes dry. He should have suspected it. But, he would see her again and he would marry her. Until then, Shinji turned and looked at the horizon, just down the beach, where three figures where just standing up. They looked like Misato, Toji, and Kensuke.

"I will wait for you…" Shinji said, before turning around and walking off down the beach to rebuild his life. He had to forget his father, NERV, Kaoru, and everything that had caused him to live like he had. He had to prepare for his future family. To bring from the ruins of his life a successful legacy of love and happiness.

And he started with throwing the knife as far into the Lake of LCL as possible.

THE END.

Author's Comments: I really hoped you enjoyed the ride. If you did not, I am deeply sorry and I wish you many great stories in the future. Until next story, thank you very much for reading.

Mosher-24

P.S. There will be no epilogue. I believe it is effectively done at that.


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